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Caring for my mom


Registered User
Oct 27, 2013
My mom lives with me and was diagnosed about 4 years ago. They never have been able to tell me what the dementia is...alzheimers, vascular, or what. I had noticed her being more and more confused and doc sent her for a CAT scan, cant do a MRI cause of pacemaker. Then one day she sat at the dining room table and kept repeating the same question over and over again. I told her she had a doc appt and took her to hospital where they admitted her, did the blood tests and another CAT. She ended up having a real bad UTI and they compared the old CAT scan with this new one and said the brain scan showed a slight shadow, maybe a stroke...vascular dementia, but they weren't sure. So she has never had a clear diagnosis other than dementia.

Of course it has gotten worse with time, short term memory bad, cant remember who family is besides me, brother and sister. But even with them she doesn't realize my brother is her son. Cant really remember who grandkids are. Cant chose her clothes, meds, shots.. she is insulin dependent diabetic, sees people who aren't there and recently when I was too tired to take her out somewhere, she made up a conversation in her head that my brother was coming to take her out and went and got dressed to wait for him. She is urinary incontinent also, but thankfully still able to handle her bathroom needs herself. She isn't on any meds for the dementia either.

I don't have a lot of help, sister thinks she is playing it all to get what she wants, brother lives pretty far away and doesn't have any room. He is my saving grace tho, he comes and stays with her a few days every couple of months so I can go visit my kids in another state and take a break.

I work nights so she is alone and we are still able to work this for now, but I see her getting to the point that this isn't going to work much longer. I work night shift so she is in bed when I leave and calls me at work occasionally. Thankfully she is still able to do this, even if my number seems to be the only one she can call, it is posted at every phone in the house.

Well, today I was told I was being bitchy! lol I came downstairs to find the sliding glass doors standing open, 40 degrees and she is cold! She said the cat wanted outside and she didn't want to close him out. Yes we have a cat, lol

Anyhow, I told her we couldn't leave the door standing open, its too cold out. The furnace is going nuts and the gas bill will be sky high. 15 minutes later I see her sitting in the dining room crying, I ask her if she is ok and she said she is tired of me bitching at her. I tried to console her and I never yell or even raise my voice...I know its all a part of the dementia.

I am just venting I guess... I know I am not far off from having to have someone in to take care of her. I have talked to some places for in-home assistance and what she would qualify for to help take care of that expense. I have a niece that is a certified aide with training in Alzheimers. It would be great if I could get her to care for her at home and get it paid for, or some of it. Not sure they do that if it is family. I know I wont put her in a nursing home till there is no was around it.

Wish there were some answers out there.

Anyhow, sorry for the rant, guess I just needed to unload. Scared of what its leading to next. Mom is 87 and I feel guilty saying it but I hope she goes before it gets real bad. She doesn't even realize anything is wrong with her most the time and when she does she just says she is so forgetful! I have never let anyone say "alzheimers" to her, that was her biggest fear when she was younger, sadly that's what she has ended up with.


Registered User
Jan 5, 2011
Welcome to TP srbbear. Sorry to hear about your mum. I wouldn't call your post 'a rant' it just explains your situation. By all means feel free to have a good rant anytime though:)

I have no words of wisdom for you, especially as I don't know how the system works in USA. I just wanted to say hi.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
Hello from me too. So sorry you've got all this worry, but you can always let off steam here. Whatever you're going through, someone here will have the grubby old T shirt. We don't always have answers, alas, but at least there is always someone who knows exactly what it's like.

This mostly a UK based forum so posters are mostly familiar with care and dementia provision here, but we do have some posters from elsewhere, from Spain to Australia. I hope you will I find the forum as helpful as so many of us have.


Registered User
Apr 8, 2012
I echo what others have said and yes welcome from me too. The one thing about TP is that, even at your lowest ebb, and we all get there, there is always folk on here to listen and try to help. I personally dont know what I would have done at times if it had not been for TP. So rant away, we have all been there. You are not alone. All that you say is so familiar to us all.

Take care.

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