1. kiara

    kiara Registered User

    Apr 4, 2006
    3
    Hi all,

    I started reading this forum after my dad was first diagnised with AD but haven't visited for a while. Dad is now 57 and although still in the fairly early stages of the disease, he is deteriorating quicker than I thought he would. My mother was his primary carer but sadly, she passed away last week. Although my dad understands that she has gone, his behaviour is not that of a man who has just lost his wife of nearly 30 years. Whist i realise that this is due in large part to his illness, it's heartbraking to watch.
    I'm the youngest of three children at 26 and the only daughter. I only moved out of the family home four months ago but regularly visited home to check on both of my parents. We visited my dads social workers yesterday and I have decided to move back home to be with my dad so that I can care for him from monday to friday, and my brothers will take over the responsibility over the weekends. Whilst i love my dad very much and have no problem with taking on this responsiblilty, i am very worried about how i will cope. As well as being a very stubborn person, my dad is also very mistrusting and he is convinced that every time I try to give him his medicine, I am giving him the wrong pills and that I will over dose him. I have checked with his doctor that I am medicating him correctly but he thinks that I am lying to him. I find this very upsetting and it feels like it is harder each time I try.
    I work full time at the moment and would like to continue for as long as I am able. My dads social worker is organising for a carer to come round and visit my dad whilst I am at work during the day but i don't think he will take well to this.
    Does anyone else have similar experiences to this? I worry about how I will cope with him, especially with his medicine. At the moment, i am still grieving for my mum and I expect that this makes it more difficult to care for my dad. But I'm scared that it will never get any easier and that i will make things worse for him.

    Kiara
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Kiara, so sorry to read of your mum's death. You seem to understand your dad's reaction, and very wisely, put it down to the illness.

    It is so hard for you, and I only hope that you will get some comfort and advice soon. Just wanted to say "thinking of you." Take care of yourself.
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    Hi Kaira and welcome to TP.

    I am so sorry for your recent loss: this must be an incredibly difficult time for your whole family.

    With regard to your specific question about medication, how do you think he'd respond to medication pre-packs? These are prepared by a chemist and include all the medication that a person takes at one specific time in an individually sealed unit. My mother's nursing home uses them (and they're quite commonly used when a paid carer needs to assist someone in taking meds). I'm just thinking he might repond better to this, rather than getting involved in trust issues. I wish I could remember what they're called: perhaps someone can remind me!

    Jennifer
     
  4. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello Kiara - you sound to be a wonderful and caring daughter. I am so sorry about your Mum. It must be hard for you grieving for your Mum and also worrying about your Dad. I am sure you will find support here.

    I understand the difficulty with your Dad taking his tablets (my husband used to say 'what a wonderful way to get rid of your husband'!!!!!). I now take a 'take it or leave it' attitude which seems to work in our case - he now just thanks me for looking after him. It is hard to give advice here but do not take the 'slights' too seriously.

    Keep in touch with tp as you will receive lots of valuable advice.
    Best wishes Bedkyjan
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,103
    Kent
    Dear Kiara,

    I`m so sorry you lost your mother and are now taking on the responsibility of your dad at such a young age.

    I`m afraid it will be a case of trial and error. There are no ways of knowing how he will react from one day to the next, but hopefully, he`ll get used to your care and be more accepting.

    It will also be really difficult for to to be able to grieve for your mother, whilst caring for your dad,so don`t forget to look after yourself.

    Keep in touch. TP is always here for you and I can promise you a good support group.
     
  6. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi

    Medication?
    What we do is try to distract, with stories, Mum telling stories and not really noticing, that she is putting pills in her mouth. We also encourage her, saying that this is good and you will feel better. eg. Oh! You have a headache, this one will help,while saying "they are good for you, put them in your mouth"

    Giving tablets one at a time making it sound like, these, this, those are for X, Y, Z. and will help your sore back, head, whatever, with a smile and a psitive attitude, works for us, but takes patience. If the first time the medication is refused, we back off for approx 5 mins then try again. It usually works and Mum can be difficult.

    Dad is no problem, but I have to tell him to put it in his mouth, or he will play with the pills. If like my Dad you can give him medication, but you also have to tell him what to do with it

    Alfjess
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #7 Margarita, Apr 25, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007

    Oh yes heartbreaking to watch it sure is, that that what I was seeing in my mother when my father died and I could not see a reaction in her, but its they just take time to come out, took a long time for my mother to cry only once



    If you don’t mind me adding seeing that its only a week that your mother pass away, maybe it be good to get grief counseling for you, if you don’t have that in place already, Because that will help you cope in the 1st year of careing ,working as it did for me also as if you have a good support net work set up with social worker and talk to a dementia nurse , that does help

    Oh my mother was like that
    She use to count them convince I had not given her the right medication, use to drive me around the bend , so your not alone it seem to me that is one of the
    Systems paranoia, I did not know back then you can get medication for it, if it get bad , you can always talk to your doctor about medication for it , if it gets bad


    Oh no try not to think like that your never make things worse for him

    Only the disease will do that. for my mother ok the disease did progress , but taking medication got easier in her taking it , life just slow down for her.

    All you can do is your best and if you can not cope , as Lest you can look back and say will I did try
     
  8. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi jennifer

    Our local pharmacist said that dossette boxes would only be given for people who don't have family to supervise medication, as it is too time consumimg (sp) So, I have been fixing weeks medication out in pill boxes

    I told this to the GP and he said that pharmicists get paid per client. Obviously, our pharmacist, either doesn't need the money, or it is not worth the payment, or can't be bothered, who knows, it is just one of the other things that is easier doing youself, than argue about

    Alfjess
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    alfjess my mother at that stage now .
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    You might want to look around: some companies are more obliging than others (Boots was one that wasn't). I'm not sure they can refuse like that. If you had a carer coming in, they would refuse to handle any medication that wasn't in pre-packs: insurance reasons I presume, although I have had carers who were flexible about self-packaged dosettes even they weren't supposed to be.

    Jennifer
     
  11. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    My mother's carers did include giving (or reminding about) medication among their duties, but looking back I realise that she could easily have hidden pills one at a time and told them "I've already taken it". (I don't think they realised she'd turned into a compulsive liar.)

    Lila
     
  12. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Jenifer

    Unfortunately, I don't have a choice of pharmacies, there is only one in town.

    Thanks
    Alfjess
     

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