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Caring for my 87 year old grandad


Registered User
Apr 30, 2015
Along with my sister I am the main carer for my 87 year old grandad who was diagnosed with vascular dementia last year. He has recently deteriorated significantly, and as the trained nurse (who works full time) I feel it all falls on my head. He now has a care package of 4 calls daily (male carers) due to inappropriate comments and behaviours. He lives a 40 mile round trip from my home, and I visit most days, either on my way home from work and every weekend where I do his food shop and attend to any needs. We have recently had a careline door alarm fitted due to him wandering, and approx 3 nights per week I get contacted in the night by them due to the activation of the alarm. Wed morn at 12.30am and 12.40am I got contacted to say the alarm was activated and they couldn't get no response, and I had to tarvel up(30 mis one way) I finally climbed into bed at 2.30am and was up at 6 for work. Ive met with the social worker today as I am also a mum to 3 children with a husband who works away and is only home every other week. I have been so emotional the past few days, and feel this is killing me. My mother past away last Sept at the age of 60, and grandad has deteriorated since then. My uncle lives 220 miles away and is not interested. I feel the whole thing is making me ill, as it all falls back on me....my nursing experience is not in dementia or elderly care therefore I feel out of my league with this...the social worker wants him to attend a day centre twice a week to try and tire him out to see if his sleep pattern improves?....any advice? From a very tired grandaughter..


Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
North East England
My inclination might sound harsh but it would be " Try what you like, just don't involve me!!"

Fundamentally what I'm saying is you have too much on your plate to deal with this and if your Uncle is not prepared to step up, you are going to have to back off and let SS deal with Grandad. I suggest that you ask the Care alarm people to take your name off the list as a priority, You will continue to struggle if you have disturbed nights and a drive each time Grandad goes for a wander.

I would start looking around for suitable CHs in case a day centre is not suitable. I think that he will need more than that one session a week to tire him.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
My inclination might sound harsh but it would be " Try what you like, just don't involve me!!"

Agree 100%. I think you will have to make it crystal clear to the social worker that you absolutely cannot carry on as you have done. I would give them a deadline, too, after which you will not be doing X, Y, Z. You have your own life, job, and family to think of, and they must come first.
The fact is, if social services think you are going to go on coping with so much of it, they will be only too happy to let you.


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
You have far too much to deal with. Be kind to yourself, step back - your children must come first and you can't get ill for their sakes.
Let us know how you get on.