Caring for mum

[Starting on a journey]

Hi, I have been on here a little while, commenting occasionally and lurking in the shadows a lot but now feel my own thread is due.
Mum is nearly 90 has lived with me for 6years and has Alzheimer’s. I was widowed suddenly in 2018.

We have been reducing social contact since Tuesday but today we are going into isolation. At the moment my son lives with me but he may move out if lots of people need help.
I feel that this is going to be a very long 12 weeks!!

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @Starting on a journey

I hope you’re not finding isolation too onerous.

I always thought I was a bit of a loner until recently...now I realise how much contact I normally have with others. At least we have someone to talk to here.

 

[Starting on a journey]

Exactly, we had McDonald’s delivery at lunchtime as mum loves her fast food. She was not happy with me making her wash her hands after taking her chip bag. Then I had to demand that she have a new handkerchief and put the old one in the wash! Her latest idea is that paper hankies make you ill!!

 

[Starting on a journey]

Awake at stupid o clock.....
Yesterday wasn’t bad though she started getting agitated as she thought we were stealing her eggs(she keeps her eggs separate from ours).
I am hoping that Ocado bring some eggs. If not our newsagent will bring some but he only has brown eggs....she likes white!
Found her yesterday adding water to her whisky and lemonade, it looked foul. Has anyone watered down whisky? Does the water sit on the top of the whisky in the bottle or does it “blend in”. Trying to reduce her alcohol consumption .She only has one drink but it’s size can vary.
Sitting with the cat now with a cup of tea, willing myself to go back to sleep.

 

[Woo2]

Hoping you got back to sleep @Starting on a journey . You can water it down, it all blends fine . I have reduced Mum from drinking every night to 2 nights a week but like your mum she only has one , doesn’t always drink it though .

 

[Starting on a journey]

Ah, thanks I will try that as she can be really difficult after dinner when she’s had her one drink!! I don’t want to stop her, just reduce gradually the alcohol content.

 

[Woo2]

Worth a try . Hope it works well.

 

[Starting on a journey]

It’s been a quiet day yesterday. Middle daughter left cream cakes on the step! Mum started shouting that she didn’t want a birthday present (90 on Wednesday) but calmed down when she found it was cakes! It’s just so draining.
Dinner was horrible! Don’t buy it again! Hardly likely as I can’t go shopping so it’s what gets delivered!!
Childlike earlier on, why can’t we go out? Really hoping she gets a letter (1.5 million being issued) to tell her to stay at home!!
Happy Mother’s Day to all who fulfil that role!!

 

[TNJJ]

It’s been a quiet day yesterday. Middle daughter left cream cakes on the step! Mum started shouting that she didn’t want a birthday present (90 on Wednesday) but calmed down when she found it was cakes! It’s just so draining.
Dinner was horrible! Don’t buy it again! Hardly likely as I can’t go shopping so it’s what gets delivered!!
Childlike earlier on, why can’t we go out? Really hoping she gets a letter (1.5 million being issued) to tell her to stay at home!!
Happy Mother’s Day to all who fulfil that role!!

That definitely sounds draining! Dad has that childlike attitude sometimes along with the pushed out lips!! I get you!

 

[Starting on a journey]

She’s having a nap at the moment so I mowed the lawn. Great to be outside (in the back garden)

 

[wonderfulmum]

It’s been a quiet day yesterday. Middle daughter left cream cakes on the step! Mum started shouting that she didn’t want a birthday present (90 on Wednesday) but calmed down when she found it was cakes! It’s just so draining.
Dinner was horrible! Don’t buy it again! Hardly likely as I can’t go shopping so it’s what gets delivered!!
Childlike earlier on, why can’t we go out? Really hoping she gets a letter (1.5 million being issued) to tell her to stay at home!!
Happy Mother’s Day to all who fulfil that role!!

My mum too thinks I'm locking her in and demanding to go to my brother's house and finding she too is being childlike. Im just trying to figure out how I'm going to get thru 12 weeks without mentally draining myself to the core. I'm have s tearful moment in private then splash water on my face and back to mum I go. Poor mum she is so confused right now. Entertainmentwise she's getting bored with any activity I do with her too.?

 

[Starting on a journey]

I’m sewing , nap time again!!
My daughters came round and we spoke through the window which was nice.
If we run out of memantine I shall barricade myself in the attic. It has transformed her since she started it in September and I can usually cope. A week without going out and I’m starting to cry inwardly all the time.
It’s so frustrating!!

 

[Starting on a journey]

Just had a little bit of joy!!
I have shopped on line with Ocado for about 9 years.
On the last delivery I added a note that we were isolating because of mums age and health.
Today I received an e mail telling me that I had no need to queue, had immediate access, one delivery a week but they were limiting it to £750!!
That’s one good thing, hopefully today will be good

 

[Starting on a journey]

Yesterday was mums 90th birthday which she refused to acknowledge so after all the shouting in the previous week I just ignored it. I did get a pizza delivered which she liked.

I dismantled the vacuum to clean the filter and left it in the window to dry. If I had a£ for every time she asked me what it was, I would be rich.

Mum reads, at lightening speed, her fingers fly over the kindle and she stops books in the middle. I guess she is not concentrating and when the story is too complicated she gives up.

Apart from that we carry on. I am sorry to say that I am finding it difficult to be compassionate all the time. My halo is slipping and I am a bit snappy but I guess it can’t be helped. Luckily my son intervenes before total melt down.
If this is ever over I must have a break!!

 

[Woo2]

I know the feeling completely , my halo is on the floor ! We are but human, and humans that expect slightly too much of ourselves sometimes . You can only keep plodding on as best you can , it’s bloody hard. Take care.

 

[Louise83]

You're not alone, although it feels like it, yesterday I was ready to explode, and that is only day 3 being stuck at home and no carers coming in. Every little thing she argues about, says I am lying etc. Won't believe that she has had her morning pills because the carers haven't arrived yet (they suspended services). Gave me a slap last night for saying it was nearly dinnertime.
She knows about the virus but thinks everything is an overreaction.

It's so hard but we WILL get through it!

 

[Starting on a journey]

Yes, it’s hard, it’s always a bit hard and now it’s harder.
Just cleaned up whilst she has her nap!! Keeping to a routine and refusing her requests to send my daughters to the shops. They are teachers working from home and they are working. Plus what is the point of braving a queue just to get something she won’t want tomorrow or even remember asking for?
One of them will get her prescription whilst the other one ferries groceries over to 70 yr old sil and 96 yr old mil.
I just want them to stay safe!!

 

[Debbie J]

My thoughts are with you - my mum is also going through the same issues with my Dad. It's so hard watching the two of them struggling so much and feeling very helpless. Lots of people are in a similar situation and the days ahead look bleak for lots. We are all worrying for our loved ones - as our families have to stay apart. Stay on this forum chatting - hopefully it will be a form of release for you. Take care and stay strong - you are doing an amazing job and keep safe.

 

[Starting on a journey]

Thank you , doctor just prescribed anti histamines so one of the girls will go and get them later. More worries over the rash developing all over mum.
You don’t see the doctor you just tell the receptionist what’s wrong and the doctor prescribes, we are so lucky that we are getting help at this time

 

[Debbie J]

I hope that the anti histamines help - at least you managed to get through to your local GP practice to get prescription sorted. Take care.