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Caring for mum

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,654
Yorkshire
Hope the tea helped x Good that the lotion is helping mums rash, maybe its not a fungal infection after all. Maybe if mum is struggling in shower she's not washing it or drying it properly and that's causing the rash. She may not be rinsing shower stuff off enough or maybe leaving back a bit wet and its a bit of a reaction to that. Hopefully whatever caused it to itch the cream will sort it soon X
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
The rash was/is under control at one minute (she’s not letting me help now) and then it itches everywhere.
This morning she said twin tubs were better because you could see what you were doing.The last time she had on was 50 years ago!! I refused to buy one....She came downstairs with a few articles to wash so I said I would wash them then rinse and spin again!!
Yesterday was my 60th she was arguing with my son why he hadn’t given me my flowers. He was trying to explain he was waiting for his sisters, appropriately social distancing to come and see me get them. This did not compute.
Unfortunately the red mist descended on me from somewhere and I told her she would have to wait, which she did.....claiming she didn’t know the girls were coming. This red mist is coming more often unfortunately.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,654
Yorkshire
💐Belated Happy Birthday 💐
Hope rest of day was better 🤞 Very frustrating I bet that mum won’t let you help with cream now but still wants to moan to you about it. Mum gets a sore achey neck and I’m always offering to put her some cream on it, sone days she will let me or even ask me to do it, others she’ll not let me and wont do it herself either but continues to moan about it. I have on occassion when stressed told Mum if its hurting do something about it and put some cream on. If you can’t be bothered doing it then it cant be bothering you that much so stop moaning about it. 🙄
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
Feeling low and tired 💤. Sleeping well but feeling intolerant of poor mum. She’s found the itchy tablets and insists on having them..”.I need them...” . I was so tired I think I gave her the wrong one...not sure oh heck!!

Trying to keep it all nice and quiet whilst son tries to work on university essays. Lecturers were on strike for 5weeks then a pandemic so he is behind....well I guess I would be too.
Tell myself it doesn't matter but .....

Unlikely to have summer holiday this year because although my daughters will cover for me, theres no where to go! Maybe a day at the seaside!!

On the up side the garden is looking far better and a friend swapped plants for some masks I had made.

Things have to get better but I need a break, I need my hair cut and coloured, I need to go out!!

Rant over, tomorrow should be better....it has to be ......
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,654
Yorkshire
🤞 fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow for you and a hug too 🤗
Hope the tablet is ok, and you get a good nights sleep and feel rested tomorrow x
Shame about the holiday, you could do with one. :( My mum keeps saying are you going away this year Andie? I say no ones going away at moment mum, but really even before lock down I wasn't planning anything and doubted if we'd even get away. My sister had promised to come down and stay in my house for a week and take my place visiting mum so we could go away but I wasn't sure how things were going to be with mum so wasn't going to plan anything until last minute. Last year all we managed was 2 nights away in August for hubbys 50th when sis stayed at my house and visited mum daily. We nearly didn't go as mum spent most of the evening before on the phone to me asking me not to go and telling me she was scared and she wanted me not sister. But with lockdown the opportunity is taken away altogether isn't it but the need for a break isn't.
Caring is hard enough but at the moment there's all these other things like worrying about your son at uni and trying to help create quiet calm environment for him to study, getting stir crazy cos can't go out and about in same way making the trapped feeling we sometimes get with caring worse. Lots of extra things and annoyances just to make things a bit harder than usual when things are hard enough anyway so not surprised you feeling low and tired.
Sorry I have nothing helpful or useful to say to improve things for you but just wanted to say I hope tomorrow is better and send you a hug 🤗
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
@annielou thanks for the hug!!!
I guess once this is over you could have a break as if your mum mistakes who you are she wouldn’t worry if you were gone! Although I’d ask sister to stay at your house not with mum!!
It’s hard and only those of us who have had this experience know how hard. I am hopeful of a better day today. The Christmas before my husband died he re homed two young cats , one of which is an excellent nurse and companion to mum. Mum often feeds the boys but refuses to give them milk. He can calm her down but when he avoids her I know it’s trouble brewing! I even told the emergency doctor once that the cat was running away from her...they came out and prescribed antibiotics for a water infection , apparently the cat was the clue!!
Anyway hopefully pussy cat can work some magic and I can try and relax. We can but see. Hope that you have a good day.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,654
Yorkshire
Cats are very good at comforting and sensing moods. We had a cat for 19 years and if I wasn't well or was feeling low she would come lay on me or very near as a comfort. I had a bit of a fit/faint incident about 25 year ago, one minute I was flushing the loo, the next it was half an hour later and I was lying on bathroom floor and she was sat at side of me nudging my head. I spent rest of afternoon on sofa asleep with cat curled up with me, she didn't leave my side all day. For a few months after that she followed me up to bathroom every time I went like she was checking I'd be ok bless her. I do miss her. Our cat was allergic to milk we'd been giving her kitten milk and then normal milk which she loved and drank much more than water but she kept getting poorly tummys and vet said she was allergic to it. Said milk doesn't agree with quite a lot of cats which was a bit of a surprise. :oops:
Hope yours keeps mum happy today and you get chance to relax 🤞
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
My husband died in the middle of the night, the cats were with him when I found him!!
Our cats have lactose free milk apparently it is easier to digest. I was buying cat milk but with two stroppy cats it was way too expensive!!
You are right they are a comfort and as mum sort of looks after them it’s good for her to know that they rely on her (me looking over from afar)
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
So glad I made this thread....looking back at previous posts I realise that we have had a good week. Mum has been well, a bit itchy, but well. No complaining over tablets either.
Son is on last essay so good on that. Kids are gearing up to go back to work so that’s good too.
Mum stripped her bed for me to wash, made suggestions for meals and only said she wanted to kill Boris, postman, and all delivery men half a dozen times a day. Has no understanding of the Covid 19 situation, her usual response is it’s stupid people die anyway. A neighbour stopped by to chat on the drive and agreed with everything she said (dementia trained).
I have been kind to myself for a week, rested when mum did, failed to see the dirty kitchen floor and just relaxed so feeling a lot stronger. It was the second anniversary of my husband’s death on Monday so I think that contributed to the near crack up.
Hoping that I am now strong enough to get through the next few weeks
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,568
Bedford
Pleased to hear that you have been kind to yourself and have had a good week too. May it continue into next week/month
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,654
Yorkshire
Glad you've had a better week and been kind to yourself and rested a bit and son is doing ok with studying x. I hope things continue to be less stressful for you and your weeks continue to be better as you certainly deserve them 🤗 🤞
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,676
South East
I think you needed to allow your self some self care time and I’m glad too you are feeling better /stronger and long may it continue .
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
Mum rather confused today. She went upstairs about 1:30 for a nap as she does every day. I knocked on her door to tell her I was going out, mum had changed into her nightie which she never does. Then she came downstairs telling me the tv program was on at 9:15 and she hadn’t had her evening tablets!! I had to tell her it was 2pm and we had just had lunch rather than dinner!!
She had basically lost 7 hours!! Oh dear, I made light of it and she and the cat went back for their nap.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,568
Bedford
When I was staying overnight at Mum’s a couple of days a week I would go out for an afternoon walk. It did become more frequent that I would come back and find her in bed - she would say that she thought I had gone home so she thought it was bedtime :(
I guess the cat was happy though
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
420
My cat will go in a warm bed at the drop of a hat!! Mum always had an afternoon nap (and a morning nap) but it just threw me a bit when she thought it was bed time. Son said I handled it really well..no drama, no crisis just love and good humour. Oh well if I could only be like that every day!!
She’s just said could we go out for a drive tomorrow morning so hopefully she will enjoy it , see her grand daughter at lunch and then nap!!(she’s not in the best of general help and she is 90 so if she wants a nap then why not?)
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,654
Yorkshire
Oh bless her, and bless you too, it sounds like you dealt with it well although it must have been a surprise 🤗
Hope you both enjoy the drive tomorrow and your outing goes well x