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Caring for mom who has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's

Christine67

Registered User
Jun 19, 2022
14
0
Good morning
Mom has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's just recently. Although we suspected that this is what the diagnosis would most likely be it was still a shock. Mom's decline in respect to her memory and confusion slowly started to become very apparent. I am looking at as much information as possible to find the best ways we can help support her. Mom will be starting medication today which is encouraging. She has become quite reclusive over the last couple of months,not wanting to go out anywhere. Yesterday I managed to get her to come out with me and some family members for lunch. She enjoyed this tremendously and said she is looking forward to getting out a bit more. That is a huge positive 🙂we are looking at attendance allowance and I have found a lovely little local dementia group which we are going to attend next week to try it out. This is what I have managed to get done so far
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,761
0
71
Dundee
Good morning and welcome to the forum @Christine67.

I’m sorry to read about your mom’s diagnosis but it sounds like you are getting things organised I’m glad you’ve found this forum.
 

Christine67

Registered User
Jun 19, 2022
14
0
Thank you Izzy
One thing we are struggling with is a LPA. We have been informed that this is probably not a option now which we understand due to mom not being able to understand what the LPA is and what it is for as well as agreeing. We have been informed that our step now is to apply to The Court of Protection for a deputyship. I have had a brief look at this and it's very overwhelming not to mention expensive 🤔
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,761
0
71
Dundee
I’ve no experience of this myself but I’m sure other members do and will share their experiences. In the meantime I wondered if this would be of any help -

 

thistlejak

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
243
0
@Christine67 with regards to the cost of Deputyship - any money that you have to pay out to obtain the court order is claimed back from your mum's money once you have access to it.
The forms do look daunting but if you tackle one at once it is doable. I did applications for both MIL & FIL at the same time - our dining room table looked like 'exam time' at one point.
The biggest 'problem' is getting someone to complete the COP3 form - capacity assessment - we had to engage an independent social worker to do it- we found him in a Google search.
Should you choose not to apply, someone will have to - usually social services - and then you get no say at all about anything to do with your mum's money or property - don't want to scare you but just telling it how it is.
If your mum is of pension age you can also apply for Appointeeship to deal just with DWP - this is much quicker than Deputyship and gives you access to some of her money quicker than waiting for Deputyship.
It is a shock when you get the diagnosis and have to get everything sorted out - no one gives you a checklist of what needs doing.
You are doing well to look to getting support early for both of you.
Remember to take care of yourself as well - you are no good to your Mum if you are stressed/tired out.
Hope this helps a bit.
 

Christine67

Registered User
Jun 19, 2022
14
0
Good morning @thistlejak
Thank you for your reply 😊 a lot of helpful advice for me. It is overwhelming but I am trying to look at little bits at a time and deal with one thing at a time 😉 it just feels like there is so much to do. The appointeeship is something worth looking at with the DWP. We really do not want someone else coming in and taking full charge of decisions regarding mom,we are currently looking at the deputyship. Tiny steps I think is the way forward and one day at a time
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,477
0
Thank you Izzy
One thing we are struggling with is a LPA. We have been informed that this is probably not a option now which we understand due to mom not being able to understand what the LPA is and what it is for as well as agreeing. We have been informed that our step now is to apply to The Court of Protection for a deputyship. I have had a brief look at this and it's very overwhelming not to mention expensive 🤔
Just wondering who advised you about LPA not being an option .
 

Christine67

Registered User
Jun 19, 2022
14
0
Good morning
I contacted mom's GP to enquire if she would be the certificate provider on the LPA. We felt she would be the best person to ask. She told me that in her opinion mom would not be able to understand and answer the questions she would need to ask her in order to ascertain if mom fully understood what a LPA was and what it was used for. She suggested we could appoint a solicitor to do the above. We absolutely do not mind having the services of a solicitor but I was made to almost feel that this would probably be almost a waste of money as she felt a solicitor would most likely come to the conclusion after speaking with mom that she lacked capacity to understand what a LPA is and what it means
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,734
0
Good morning
I contacted mom's GP to enquire if she would be the certificate provider on the LPA. We felt she would be the best person to ask. She told me that in her opinion mom would not be able to understand and answer the questions she would need to ask her in order to ascertain if mom fully understood what a LPA was and what it was used for. She suggested we could appoint a solicitor to do the above. We absolutely do not mind having the services of a solicitor but I was made to almost feel that this would probably be almost a waste of money as she felt a solicitor would most likely come to the conclusion after speaking with mom that she lacked capacity to understand what a LPA is and what it means
You don't need a solicitor or the GP to sort out LPA. We used a neighbour who knew my mother in law well as certificate provider and we downloaded the forms off the OPG website . It's also cheaper . My mother in law had a personality disorder and dementia and we knew she would be reluctant to agree . So we asked the neighbour to visit my mother in law and just drop into conversation about how she was getting it done and everyone did this as routine. My husband and I were also getting LPA for ourselves at the time . The neighbour "groomed " my mother in law into accepting LPA, as it were, as mother in law didn’t want to be seen as different to anyone else. This took several weeks and eventually she signed the papers which we had ready . It doesn't matter if your mum forgets about it the next day, it's her understanding in that particular moment.
 

Muttimuggle

Registered User
Dec 28, 2021
248
0
I am a a bit of a complicated stage also. I also assumed my mother would fail a capacity test....She has moderate dementia but can still speak, can maintain personal hygiene and keep her house tidy but is very confused with times and cannot be left to take tablets without someone dosing them. I have been in limbo for several moths about what to do. My brother, who i don't get along with, took her to a solicitor and she passed the test!...which surprised me! Maybe it depends on the solicitor who assesses??? We are, however still awaiting the forms to sign nearly one month later. He doesn't seem to be a very efficient solicitor, in this respect at least.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
147
0
My OH has been diagnosed well before we applied for the LPA, I explained that we were just making sure that there was someone able to help him with money matters, if something happened to me, he has never done online banking etc. He readily agreed and we had neighbours sign, after they asked him if it was ok
 

Primrose19

Registered User
Nov 27, 2016
68
0
Yes, my mum had been diagnosed but was still living alone and sort of looking after herself. The doctor advised getting LPA, I went to a solicitor with her, I think the solicitor sympathised as mum kept looking at me for the answers! Had told mum it was in case she had a stroke (which had happened to her dad) rather than for dementia which she didn't accept she had or got upset about when she thought she might have it. Mum paid the fees but I felt it was worth having the legal backing in case of arguments later.
 

Muttimuggle

Registered User
Dec 28, 2021
248
0
I am at a a bit of a complicated stage also. I also assumed my mother would fail a capacity test....She has moderate dementia but can still speak, can maintain personal hygiene and keep her house tidy but is very confused with times and cannot be left to take tablets without someone dosing them. I have been in limbo for several moths about what to do. My brother, who i don't get along with, took her to a solicitor and she passed the test!...which surprised me! Maybe it depends on the solicitor who assesses??? We are, however still awaiting the forms to sign nearly one month later. He doesn't seem to be a very efficient solicitor, in this respect at least.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,477
0
@Christine67 , you are doing well getting things organised and it is good to see that there are signs that your Mum is able to and wants to go out again. Well done.

Are there other family members who will support as things progress?

I think it might be worth raising the idea of POA with her, explaining that it is so that you can help her more in future. Maybe tell her that you are going to have one done for yourself too. If she agrees then I would suggest doing it yourself. Our solicitor advised us to as it is so much cheaper.

Incidentally, I do think we should all have this in place. Our solicitor’s view is that it can be more important than having a will!

Have you looked at Carers allowance
Good luck.
 

Christine67

Registered User
Jun 19, 2022
14
0
Good afternoon
Thank you for your reply ☺️ I have we actually just spent almost 3'hours with the help of my daughter filling in the form for attendance allowance but that's something else ticked off my list of to do things. My daughter's mil who knows mom well is if allowed going to be the certificate provider on the form for the LPA. I have a brother who I love dearly but we disagree on some things. He doesn't really help much and feels it maybe time to consider a home for mom. Sometimes I feel this can be seen as a easier option but I feel with support she can at the moment still live in her little bungalow. Yes mom has grown up grandchildren who help where they can. I am due to start a new job within a CAHMS ward soon so I'll m trying to get what I can in place before then. I am going to be working three 11 shifts so I am not going to be able to provide the care I have been on those days. We are as a family looking at the logistics of everything,what we need in n place etc
 

Christine67

Registered User
Jun 19, 2022
14
0
Yes, my mum had been diagnosed but was still living alone and sort of looking after herself. The doctor advised getting LPA, I went to a solicitor with her, I think the solicitor sympathised as mum kept looking at me for the answers! Had told mum it was in case she had a stroke (which had happened to her dad) rather than for dementia which she didn't accept she had or got upset about when she thought she might have it. Mum paid the fees but I felt it was worth having the legal backing in case of arguments later.
Thank you for your reply ☺️
It is definitely worth getting a LPA is place if possible. Mom lives alone and does love her little bungalow
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,477
0
Good afternoon
Thank you for your reply ☺️ I have we actually just spent almost 3'hours with the help of my daughter filling in the form for attendance allowance but that's something else ticked off my list of to do things. My daughter's mil who knows mom well is if allowed going to be the certificate provider on the form for the LPA. I have a brother who I love dearly but we disagree on some things. He doesn't really help much and feels it maybe time to consider a home for mom. Sometimes I feel this can be seen as a easier option but I feel with support she can at the moment still live in her little bungalow. Yes mom has grown up grandchildren who help where they can. I am due to start a new job within a CAHMS ward soon so I'll m trying to get what I can in place before then. I am going to be working three 11 shifts so I am not going to be able to provide the care I have been on those days. We are as a family looking at the logistics of everything,what we need in n place etc
Remember to give yourself time to breathe! You are doing an amazing amount of organisation. I would imagine that your job on a CA MHS ward could be stressful at times so make sure you get a break.

Good luck to you and your family.
 

SERENA50

Registered User
Jan 17, 2018
137
0
Thank you Izzy
One thing we are struggling with is a LPA. We have been informed that this is probably not a option now which we understand due to mom not being able to understand what the LPA is and what it is for as well as agreeing. We have been informed that our step now is to apply to The Court of Protection for a deputyship. I have had a brief look at this and it's very overwhelming not to mention expensive 🤔
Hi

We were quite lucky in the respect Dad sorted this out himself a few years ago just before the pandemic. I have a friend who has had to go down this route and whilst it did take quite a while and it seemed quite complex she now is up and running with it , her mum is in now a care home, keeps meticulous records of spending etc so she can claim things back. We applied for attendance allowance and when you do they send you a text back now saying how long it might be, which is an improvement, it said 8 weeks and it will be back dated so that gives you an idea of how long at the moment it could take for a reply. Other things , we had the OT come out and access the house for grab rails and other aids, the handy man service came and initially put hand rail, grab rails etc they are coming back today to fit a few more as Dad's needs changed and we re-referred. We did have a cleaner once a fortnight but she is off sick so I have agreed to temporarily do this as Dad had a lot of things that needed to be sorted and too much change stresses him out. We are going to tackle that later in the summer. Wiltshire farm foods are okay if your mum does need help or care then those can be cooked by someone else, we also cook meals and freeze them for Dad. Although I will say he goes on and off foods , this week he doesn't like a whole host of items he usually likes lol

You sound like you have gone full speed in a short time lol 💕 good luck with your job and take care of yourself x