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Caring for Former Husband - difficulties with Social Worker

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by sleeplassinuk, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. sleeplassinuk

    sleeplassinuk Registered User

    Oct 21, 2015
    Can anyone offer some advice.

    My former 67 yr old husband ( we had been married 18 years) who has no one except for me and son arrived back from Spain with Alzeimers and was put into an EMI care home, we had always been close and kept in touch except for last 3 years, we are now very close and I get him out and about, visit him 3 times a week etc. Both I and his eldest son have actively been involved since day one ensuring he is ok, buying his clothes and personal effects, taking him out, hospital apointments etc. We are having problems with the Social Worker making desicions for him such as Appointeeship to the Council for his pension etc without consulting us, bullying tatics to get my husband to make decisions which he does not have the mental capacity to do so, me being treated with suspicion and as a third-party despite doing everything for him these last 6 months.
    Where do I go to for help and to complain ?
  2. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    If he does not have capacity to make decisions it is presumably too late for you to get LPA for finances or health and welfare, which would enable you to manage decisions in his behalf. However, at least find out a bit more about this so you are sure. If it is too late, the only other route would be for you to apply for guardianship which is a more complicated an onerous process.

    Of course you may not wish to take on this level of responsibility and in any event neither of these will solve the immediate concerns you have. I would first try setting out your concerns as a formal complaint sent to the head of SS and copied to your MP as MP involvement tends to make sure that delay in responding is minimised. Send your letter by tracked and registered post so you have proof it was received and signed for. There is a local government ombudsman but I think they will not take on a case if you have not tried the LA's own complaint mechanism first.
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    A warm welcome to TP! Glad you found us, but sorry you had to.
    I echo what Pickles 53 has said - if at all possible get the LPAs with you and son as joint and several attorneys. If SW has been getting your ex to 'make decisions' then effectively SW is considering that he does have capacity to make those decisions - so take advantage of that and have him sign LPAs; he needs to understand their significance at the moment of signing (may have forgotten 5 mins later).
    Also have him sign a letter 'to whom it may concern' giving permission for you and son to take an active part in any medical appointments and to be advised of any medical procedures, medication changes etc - then you have his permission to be involved and for professionals to talk to you now.
    Even if SW is 'suspicious' of your involvement (!!) his (and your) son is direct kin so not sure why he is not being listened to - but it happens :(
    Keep posting and have a mooch around the site as there's so much support and information here.

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