Caring for dementia suffering mum while recovering from heart surgery

Hagley

Registered User
Jul 28, 2013
1
0
One week after heart surgery and my father is pretty stressed due to caring for his mum who has dementia. Not only does she lock him out the house at night but also forgets he was ever in hospital and gets cross that no one told her about it. ( which of course we have, several times).
We have suggested dad recovers at one of our houses for the short term, but we are all concerned how this will affect Nan and her routines. A break in routine is causing her a great deal of upset even if for a day. Changes to my dads diet and the type of shopping she buys could be in achievable we feel.

We are all pretty new to this as nan is newly diagnosed. She does not have any outside aid yet and family are all of different opinions as to what is best. ( adding to everyone's stress)
Anyone out there been in a similar situation?
Would love to hear from you.
 
Last edited:

angecmc

Registered User
Dec 25, 2012
2,108
0
hertfordshire
Hi not in same situation, but it sounds like your Dad needs to get your Mum into respite care while he recovers. Someone should phone social services and explain about your Dad needing to recover from heart surgery, and how bad your Mum is. Only problem is I am not sure if they will do anything for you without a diagnosis in place. Believe me, the stress of looking after someone with dementia is bad enough when you are reasonably healthy is bad enough, but I cannot imagine doing it in your Dads position, bless him.Good Luck

Ange
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,034
0
74
Durham
I agree with Ange your nan should be in respite and give your dad a chance to recover, Your dads health is more important than his mothers routine ,

Jeany x
 

zelana

Registered User
Feb 11, 2013
127
0
N E Lincs
Hi Hagley,

Sometimes a break in routine is unavoidable. If your Dad was in hospital now you would have found some way of coping with your Nan. If you can work something out between you so that she can stay at home while your Dad recuperates elsewhere then that would probably be the best solution but failing that as ange says your Nan could go into respite.

You might need to get your Dad's doctor involved in order to get some help quickly.

I hope this might put things into perspective for you. I used to be a short-term foster Mum & at one point had 3 brothers aged 2,4,&7 & their baby sister. Their Dad was away with the Royal Marines and couldn't be brought home to care for the children when their Mum needed an urgent hysterectomy & time to recuperate so the children ended up in foster care for 6 weeks. They'd never met me until they arrived at my house & the eldest boy had to go to a strange school. Not an ideal situation for them & not something their parents had ever envisioned happening but the children were fine. I imagine their Mum must have been worried sick about them but she had no alternative.