cares taking over


Registered User
Jul 31, 2004
gran has been in her home now for about 8 weeks the thing we al find hard is that they are doing things we always did with her such as ospital visits etc, the nice thing is when we visit on a good day she will chat and we can take her out etc, but on a bad day she doesnt even seem to know we are their she at times responds moret o the care staff than us, how do peole deal with this


Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Nikita,

I find I have similar problems with my parents and our carers at home - especially after I initially return from an overseas trip. I feel a bit redundant for a while and it takes the oldies a bit of time for their long term memory to kick in and remember that I am their daughter. It's not that they don't love me, it's just the old AD symptoms. Mind you, it can be a bit of a bodyblow when they say 'Well, it's lovely to see you. Who are you?'

More recently - and I've been home now for almost 14 weeks, Dad has needed to qualify that I am actually 'Judith' and that I am not his wife or son, or brother. Dad has problems with names and genders. The most recent one has been that he can remember the kitten is named Ollie, whom we've had for only a week and yet he can't remember my name. Fancy being upstaged by a cat, for heaven's sake....!!!

What to do? Perhaps you could find a time for a daily visit at a regular time and ask the staff to reinforce this pattern, if you aren't doing so already? Perhaps you could still do the hospital visits? How about some photos of the family in a prominent position in the room or on the bedside table?

Don't despair or feel shut out - memory comes and goes on a daily basis and it's nothing to do with loving you less.

Jude xxx
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