Carers Support Group

[Helen33]

I just wanted to share something with you all. I went to my third meeting of the Carers Support Group run by the local Alzheimers Society and I felt uplifted!! Uplifted. How can anyone be uplifted attending a meeting for people who care for loved ones in varying stages of dementias??

How did I arrive at this place in my life? It is really giving me food for thought. Today was the day that I realised that my life has changed. This must sound strange to you because I've been talking about the changes for ages now. BUT today was the day that it dawned on me that 'I've' caught up with the experiences I've been going through. Today I met other people on the same journey - giving up their lives to make sure that the journey is a good as it can be for our loved ones. Our loved ones are on a journey and we choose to follow that route and give up much in order to do that. It actually feels good. It feels good to KNOW it. It feels good to know that I choose it rather than it being something thrust upon me against my will.
I realise I could choose lots of things differently if I wanted - I could choose not to become informed, not to learn.

I never thought a couple of years ago in my wildest dreams that I would be where I am. You have all been a very significant part of my journey so far and I really want to thank you. I've arrived at this place which would have seemed a living nightmare back then but it's o.k. Up to now I've survived it. Up to now you are all surviving it (one way or another) and the people I met today are surviving it. For me it's the contact that has made it bearable. Thanks.

 

[heartbroken]

Helen I know just how you feel I loved talking Edna to the surport group now I'm missing it though they have said I can still go on my own.
we was taking about how things have changed our lives and now it being changed again.

It is important to share with others our experiances even though eveyones different, you are right it does help ourselfs and other with this horrid illness.
sorry rambling on my heads in a mess at the mo.

 

[ROSEANN]

Hi Helen
I know what you mean about feeling uplifted at your meeting.
Although we do not want this illness like you I have met alot of people I would not have met other wise by attending a local meeting.

I have even been to university to talk to trainee SW workers to give them an insight into our lives as carers, and if you had told me several years ago I would sit in a room full of people and give a talk I would have laughed.

I hope we can continue to help one another on this journey we have to take and I for one am glad I found TP.

I wish you all the best
Roseann

 

[Helen33]

Hi Heartbroken

This meeting is for carers only. There is another meeting for carers and cared fors. I've never been to the latter because Alan can't cope with lots of people so I don't expose him to it unnecessarily.

I can imagine that you feel your head's in a mess because it's all on for you at the moment. You are in a different place where you are in the throws of change. I hate change. I know we all have to keep facing it because these are progressive diseases. I really hope for you that things will settle soon. I hope that when things settle and you become accustomed to the changes that you will feel better.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Helen.

I wonder how many of us had a physical moment of recognition, as you did today.

I didn`t.

But I have always been reassured by the number of people I have met along the way, both in person and on TP. People who have drawn comfort from each other, who have shared and supported , who have shown themselves as stalwarts in the most challenging of situations.

And I shudder to think where I would have been without them.

 

[Helen33]

Hi Sylvia

who have shown themselves as stalwarts in the most challenging of situations.

I want to be one of those stalwarts Sylvia when our situation becomes more challenging. Before I used to look forward and have a dread. I still have a dread but I also have something else

Love

 

[Nutty Nan]

Helen, thank you for sharing your positive 'moment'.
I so agree with you: once I accepted the change in our roles (my husband became more dependent on me than my children), the caring became a privilege. That doesn't mean to say it wasn't tough. But it was rewarding.
And I had a similar change of heart to you when hubby had to spend a whole month in a residential care home, because his sudden decline meant we were not sufficiently equipped at home. I spent so much time there with him, I might as well have moved in - this gave me a chance to see the amount of love, care and compassion that keeps everyone going in a care home. All my negative feelings about being forced to 'hand over' some of the care dissolved into gratitude and admiration for everyone. It opened my eyes, and although I was grateful that my husband was able to return home again, I still miss the staff and the other residents there, and wonder how they are.
Your positive attitude will surely see you through whatever is in store for you.
All the best.

 

[stikwik]

Me Too

So glad you posted this Helen. I too feel a positivity about my role as carer which is hard to convey to most other carers, let alone our family and friends who feel sorry for me/us. I admit that I have the worst yet to come, so I'm not in the full throws of the challenge yet, but feel commissioned to be here, right now, with Steve.

I have always been a 'caring' person, but agree there are rewards from this and not all doom and gloom. We have had to make time to enjoy our remaining time together, so the quality is concentrated upon, we are more forgiving of each other knowing the stresses we face daily, and I have an acceptance of our situation which I know holds others back when they can't have this. What's the point of thinking about what might have been/should have happened.

Not wanting to sound over idealistic, but this is my experience.

 

[Helen33]

Dear Stikwik

Thank you for your post.

[QUOTE too feel a positivity about my role as carer which is hard to convey to most other carers, let alone our family and friends who feel sorry for me/us.][/QUOTE]

I haven't found it hard to convey to other carers on Talking Point and my experience with non-virtual carers is extremely limited.

However, family and friends do feel sorry for me but that, I am convinced, is because they don't see the wonderful things that I do. The things that are wonderful to me now are just ordinary, little things and, of course, other people don't see them because they are the things that we all take for granted under other circumstances. I don't blame family and friends though because I am fully aware that if this had happened to one of their loved ones rather than to Alan, then I would have been just the same.

we are more forgiving of each other knowing the stresses we face daily

I don't have this with Alan because he has lost the ability to empathise which is something I really miss.

With love and best wishes

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I have been a staunch fan of carer support groups forever. I started attending a support group in April 2001. I was a complete wreck and they were a lifeline. It wasn't always soothing talk - I was sometimes challenged on why I did certain things and the challenging opened my eyes. The best groups will do that, in my opinion. And it was the other attendees who asked me focussed and pointed questions, not the facilitators.

I now facilitate the group I attended and it is extremely rewarding.