• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Carers Starting Tomorrow

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
506
Yorkshire
Maybe it happening now might be a good thing in a way. At least she can be prepared that it might happen. And if she cant cope with it then at least she can let you and agency know so they can change carer before your dad gets used to her and has to change carer further down line if it happened then and she didnt cope with it.
Hopefully she will get over it as it sounds like although she isn't trained yet on personal care etc she sounds like her manner with your dad is good and as canary says that is hard to learn
I hooe it all works out ok x
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
147
Thank you @Bunpoots! That's such a great video. Do you know of one where she has advice for bed bathing? (I tried to google it but nothing came up). (ps my first ever copy of Dementia Together arrived today and I saw your name pop up in the "your answers" section. :) . I hadn't quite twigged somehow, with all the different organisations and places to get advice, that DT was linked to this forum so I was like woah! hehe. )

@annielou very true. I had a chat with her just now and she seemed fine. i just feel really terrible that I didn't prevent it happening and the poor lady got a whack in the jaw.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,580
Urgh. Stress levels are up. New carer and agency rep came and dad was actually not so bad. The lady was lovely BUT has never done personal care before and now that she's gone mum is raging that she's paying good money and not getting trained help and how she'll just end up doing everything.

I'm in the mindset let's give the lady a chance but mum is winding me up something rotten with her complaining. I guess we're just both a bit disappointed.
I honestly believe that it will quickly settle down into a routine; with Mum looking forward to hearing the latest news etc from the carer
X
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
147
So, two weeks on and Dad's personal care aggression is getting worse! His language is absolutely foul now and he shouts swear words so loudly. He's started spitting which is brand new. He's continued to physically lash out.

I've started coming in more again to take the brunt of it because I'm terrified the carers will quit.

The main carer is lovely, so it's not anything that she's doing. We'd hoped that he would slowly get used to her but today was an absolute nightmare day with what he was saying and the spitting.

I know it's awful to say and I KNOW that it's not dad's fault. I know it's because he's scared and unhappy and can't vocalise it in a way that he's used to. I know all this, but I find myself getting so annoyed with him. Normally I'd just say something soothing through it all but he really tested my patience today with all the foul things he was shouting at me and I told him not to be such a nasty old man and had to leave the room for a while (the carer was there so he wasn't unsafe or anything). Now I feel dreadful. Especially as now that personal care is over he's sitting here quietly like an angel.

Have definitely lost my sense of humour today!
 

Alex54

Registered User
Oct 15, 2018
201
Newtown, Wales
So, two weeks on and Dad's personal care aggression is getting worse!
Not easy, you have got to find out what is causing the aggression and try and limit it as far as possible.
  • Have you tried male carers?
  • Different times?
  • Change of routine?
  • Checked for signs of UTI?
  • Have you tired you and your mum not being in the room?

These are all things the caring company should be looking into, after all, they should have the expertise.