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Carers or a Home???


Registered User
Sep 13, 2011
So my dad cares for my mum. Visited them today and she is that bad now that she can't go to the loo without my dad helping in fact he knows the signs she shows when she needs the loo. I helped her today as my dad got upset about it. She took her trousers off completely and tried to wee with her underwear still on. To be honest I had no idea she was that bad. My dad broke down saying he doesn't know what to do with her anymore and is finding it really difficult. How bad do alzheimer sufferers have to be before they are admitted into a care home etc?


Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
What a terribly sad situation you all find yourself in.Does your Dad have any outside help ie carers to help with your mum's care?I think your first port of call should be social services adult care duty desk,ask for a needs assessment for mum.and a carers assessment for dad.Stress that they are vulnerable adults who are at risk.It's difficult to say when a care home is necessary,it's a balance between the needs of the pwd and the level of help that the carers are able to provide.You only have to read the stories on here to appreciate that some carers are verging on super human,a lot depends on age and health of course.Make that call asap and get things moving.Best of luck to you all


Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
Maybe it's not the question to ask but more a time to lately cards on tge table time. Is Dad upto being completely honest and frank about he actually does for Mum. Does he feel worn out and maybe need a break? Would mum be happy to go into a care home for respite for a weekend maybe?

A Carers assessment etc seems long overdue, the more he is prepared to do and be under the social services radar the more authorities will let him. Maybe he needs to visit the go for himself to get some medication to help him, and make them aware of the situation too. Could Mum go to a day care centre maybe to give him a break in the week?

Maybe a phone call to Alzheimer's helpline would point you both in the right direction. I'm sure he would just enjoy a break from the house to have a coffee and cake for an hour, which he could do if he had the support in place.

Good luck to you and keep us updated.