Carer's Course or Please myself?

[Wifenotcarer]

Looking for some opinions because I can't decide what to do.

There are lots of carer support groups on offer, reasonably locally but not one of them has a 'creche' or activity at the same venue for the Dementia sufferer. My husband goes to day care from 10.00am to 3pm on a Wednesday and there is an 8 week 'Caring with Confidence' course on offer, also on a Wednesday from 10am until noon. The same course ran last year and I managed to attend some sessions, but was always around 30 minutes late having dropped off DH at 10 and then travelled 5 miles to the course venue and found a parking space. The course providers seemed to treat my late arrival as a huge inconvenience and when this year's programme was sent out there was a covering letter stressing the importance of attending all the sessions and not being late.

I have explained my situation many times and urged both the local Alzheimers group and Carer's Support Service to consider providing simultaneous care for the 'cared for' person but they just shrug this off and say that it is always difficult. I have found that at the sessions I did manage to attend, I was the only full time 24/7 carer present. All the others had their relative in residential care or had live in professional carers.

My question is should I persevere with trying to attend or, treat my 5 hours a week of freedom, as 'me time' when I do something I enjoy e.g. go swimming or have lunch with a friend, and forget all about Caring and Dementia for a few hours. Thoughts please.

 

[Beate]

I can confidently say that anyone that schedules a caring course before 11am and expects all carers to be on time is an idiot. Save yourself the hassle and do something nice in the time you have to yourself. There are some dementia courses online, plus you can ask us good people everything you ever wanted to know about caring and dementia.

 

[nae sporran]

It is one of the frustrating things I have found with some carers and some mindfulness and first aid courses too. The ones I have attended including carers support groups have been generally worthwhile, but the times are so often inconvenient to the caring life.
Make the most of your free time. A nice swim followed by lunch with a friend would be a great escape from dementia.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I would have me time and look for online courses or look at information on dementia sites to fill in any caring questions/strategies you would like to know and of course post on TP

 

[Spamar]

I must be lucky. The courses and meetings round here always catered for both carer an caree. But that was a few years ago, not sure what the current situation is like.

 

[Tin]

Life is too short, spend some me time. You are a confident carer already.

When my mum was first diagnosed I was encouraged to attend some 'caring sessions' but the timing/days were difficult and so I gave up. There is so much on the internet these days and of course talking to the good people on here.

 

[Bunpoots]

Do something nice. I found more help on TP than from any "professional". I also watched all the Teepa Snow videos I could find on you tube.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Wifenotcarer, I see you only joined the forum yesterday and I'd like to start by saying welcome to you.
Obviously I don't know the content of the course you were offered, however, I attended a course local to me that was run over 6 weekly 90min sessions and I can say it wasn't worth the time. I have learned much more from the internet in general and TP in particular.
Keep posting on TP as you will find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.

 

[Rolypoly]

I think you will benefit more from me time than getting stressed attempting to get to a course that is not accommodating to the very people it is aimed at.

I get any information I need from this forum, the internet, sending off for and picking up information when I see it, and I have just signed up for an online course that has been recommended (not sure when I’m going to find the time for it though!).

Go for me time and don’t feel guilty about pleasing yourself.

 

[Wifenotcarer]

Thank you all for your prompt and encouraging replies. You have confirmed my thought that some precious 'me time' will help me more in my caring role than any amount of 'one size fits all training'.

Off now to dig out my swimsuit with a clear conscience.

 

[LynneMcV]

I faced exactly the same difficulties. In the end I gave up on attending any such courses and just enjoyed some me time instead - but learnt what I could online

 

[Wifenotcarer]

I faced exactly the same difficulties. In the end I gave up on attending any such courses and just enjoyed some me time instead - but learnt what I could online

Well I took your advice and went for a swim today. First pleasant surprise - my swimsuit is too big. I had to dig out my older smaller one, confirmation that I have indeed lost a bit of weight and am trimmer. 2nd pleasant surprise - the pool was pleasantly warm and quite quiet, I was able to potter about and do the recommended exercises for my bad back. Unfortunately I had forgotten the contortions required to get dried and dressed in the tiny cubicle, so undid the good work on my back with too much bending.

Then a quick trip to the shops followed by a lovely lunch with my sister. Home in time to welcome DH home from Day Care. He has been busy so now having a nap. I may well join him.

 

[nae sporran]

That tired, but happy feeling is the best feeling, hope you have more relaxing days to look forward to @Wifenotcarer .

 

[Rolypoly]

So much better than rushing to a course and not finding a parking space! Sounds a lovely day and here’s to many more of them.

 

[LynneMcV]

Well I took your advice and went for a swim today. First pleasant surprise - my swimsuit is too big. I had to dig out my older smaller one, confirmation that I have indeed lost a bit of weight and am trimmer. 2nd pleasant surprise - the pool was pleasantly warm and quite quiet, I was able to potter about and do the recommended exercises for my bad back. Unfortunately I had forgotten the contortions required to get dried and dressed in the tiny cubicle, so undid the good work on my back with too much bending.

Then a quick trip to the shops followed by a lovely lunch with my sister. Home in time to welcome DH home from Day Care. He has been busy so now having a nap. I may well join him.

That's great news, I am so glad you had such a good day - but sorry to hear of your back problem, I hope it resolves itself soon.

Wishing you many more enjoyable days - you deserve them

 

[DeMartin]

Well I took your advice and went for a swim today. First pleasant surprise - my swimsuit is too big. I had to dig out my older smaller one, confirmation that I have indeed lost a bit of weight and am trimmer. 2nd pleasant surprise - the pool was pleasantly warm and quite quiet, I was able to potter about and do the recommended exercises for my bad back. Unfortunately I had forgotten the contortions required to get dried and dressed in the tiny cubicle, so undid the good work on my back with too much bending.

Then a quick trip to the shops followed by a lovely lunch with my sister. Home in time to welcome DH home from Day Care. He has been busy so now having a nap. I may well join him.

Do they not have a bigger cubicle for families, or disabled , worth checking.

 

[Whisperer]

I can confidently say that anyone that schedules a caring course before 11am and expects all carers to be on time is an idiot. Save yourself the hassle and do something nice in the time you have to yourself. There are some dementia courses online, plus you can ask us good people everything you ever wanted to know about caring and dementia.

Please can you help me. What are the dementia courses you mention? I attend a Carers group but find it hard sometimes to raise queries. My mum is still in the relatively early stages and other people seem to have more pressing needs. I have read some books but they seem to fail to advise on how best to care, more explaining the basis of the illness. I just want to expand my knowledge but in practical ways, getting ready as best I can for more demanding future days. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

 

[Floria Tosca]

Please can you help me. What are the dementia courses you mention? I attend a Carers group but find it hard sometimes to raise queries. My mum is still in the relatively early stages and other people seem to have more pressing needs. I have read some books but they seem to fail to advise on how best to care, more explaining the basis of the illness. I just want to expand my knowledge but in practical ways, getting ready as best I can for more demanding future days. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

I have been invited to attend The Carer Information and Support Programme (CriSP) which is a series of 5 workshops covering issues that may arise for family members and friends of a PWD. Its free workshops run by Alzheimer's Society Staff and volunteers. It's 5 weeks from 10.30am to 1.00pm on a Monday. They are pleased to be able to provide free support to the person you care for whilst you are at the sessions. My Alzheimers Society contact for Nottinghamshire, who first saw us (2 years ago) when my OH was diagnosed, rang me to see how we were getting on and she invited me to attend. I will go (unless something gets in the way) and if I find it useful to me I will attend all the sessions.
Have a look at www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20023/ou...23/carer_information_and_support_programme://
Maybe there is a local workshop for you. Hope this helps.

 

[lambchop]

I agree there is no one-size fits-all support. As well as the other excellent suggestions, I would suggest calling the Alzheimer's helpline 0300 222 11 22 with queries. Also, you can ask your care-for's psychiatrist or memory cliinic if you are eligilbe for an Admiralty Nurse who could you give you excellent, face-to-face support.

Good luck and keep enjoying your me-time. This is possibly the most important coping strategy you have as, without you looking after yourself, you haven't got a hope of maintaining your caring role long-term.

 

[Whisperer]

I have been invited to attend The Carer Information and Support Programme (CriSP) which is a series of 5 workshops covering issues that may arise for family members and friends of a PWD. Its free workshops run by Alzheimer's Society Staff and volunteers. It's 5 weeks from 10.30am to 1.00pm on a Monday. They are pleased to be able to provide free support to the person you care for whilst you are at the sessions. My Alzheimers Society contact for Nottinghamshire, who first saw us (2 years ago) when my OH was diagnosed, rang me to see how we were getting on and she invited me to attend. I will go (unless something gets in the way) and if I find it useful to me I will attend all the sessions.
Have a look at www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20023/our_dementia_programmes/323/carer_information_and_support_programme://
Maybe there is a local workshop for you. Hope this helps.

Hello

Thank you for your posting. Unfortunately there are no CRISP courses running in my area this financial year or next. Budget cuts. It seems the support available varies from area to area. Any way thank you again for replying to my query. I hope the future unfolds kindly for you.