What happened in my case when carer breakdown happened to me
Doctor said mum was ok only had mci and it wasn't bad
Tried to get a social worker or cpn involved with my concerns about mum but no social worker appeared
CPN arrived on the scene, not sure who organised their visit all I know is that it wasn't me
I wasn't at the first visit from CPN, didn't know they were coming.... Letter arrived for mum from CPN and that's when the phone calls from mum to me, any one she could dial, started.... (She then constantly phoned people until she went into care) Mum Very angry at CPN comments
I plodded on for a year, travelling over 70 miles to mums house, sorting out her latest issues... Her Not eating, not washing... Etc etc then travelling 70 miles back home to sort out issues at home. Sometimes I visited mum 2 or 3 times in the week to take her to appointments - no joined up thinking so went to the hospital/doctors 3 days in a row for different things....
Doctor still insistent mum ok and didn't need CPN. Cue CPN discharging mum.
My guilt monster was telling me I could cope. My health was telling me I was crashing.
I carried on like this for many many months. Then mum started having hallucinations. Cue me calling CPN. CPN visited mum. Cue mum starting to wander at night. not sure if the timing, but it feels like that quickly.
Mum wandered three nights in a row one week. Neighbours kept her safe at 4am at their house the last time she had a midnight stroll. Despite mum trying to escape all the time, until I could get there.
Emergency respite was arranged for 4 weeks, because I rang CPN sobbing my heart out saying I couldn't do this any more. I couldn't keep mum safe.
Mums doctor where she lived, as far as I'm aware, is still convinced there wasn't much wrong with mum but we didn't have to deal with him again as we moved mum out of his area within 8 weeks of mum going into respite.
I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think. I couldn't function. It was then that I fully recognised that I had broken. Once mum was moved into a really good care home, I have slowly managed to pull myself out of that deep dark depression. I still have moments when I feel as if I'm about to fall in that dark hole... "Silly" things can trigger it, But it's getting less and less. I feel I'm nearly mended now, but it's taken 2 long years
If you are feeling at breaking point and are desperate for respite..... Do your utmost not to have carers breakdown.
Shout loud. Continually call the social worker, make a fuss. Cry. Cry loud sobs and say you can't cope. You need a break.
In our case, respite turned into full time care as she was assessed not to be safe living on her own with carers coming in as we had tried that.....
and she's self funding.....
Don't want to imagine what the scenario for me would have been if LA were paying/delaying.
Respite doesn't have to lead to full time care if you truly feel you can cope after a break. For some, just having a chance to have some time without the 24/7 responsibility is enough to keep going
Hugs xx
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