I took my mum to an appointment yesterday and had quite a good day with her talking wise. She was very articulate and clear. Made me think that when she gets away from Dad, she is actually still alot better than she is when he is around. When he is around, she won't even make a decision about what she wants on her toast, but when he's not around, she is fine to talk about quite complex things, come up with ideas, take action, make decisions etc.
She is totally submissive to his domineering ways.
I know he is bullying her and controlling her, but am powerless to do anything about it. She doesn't do pretty much anything at home now. She doesn't cook, clean, make coffees, she has him put her shoes on, help him with dressing her, he makes all the decisions and she is shouted down and belittled when she tries to come up with anything that doesn't suit him.
When I try and bring up these issues, she goes quiet, and makes it obvious that she doesn't want to talk about it, and certainly doesn't want to take action.
I think she realises that she doesn't have alot of options. She can stay with him and his controlling ways, or leave, and that means requiring full time care from "outsiders" alot earlier and potentially nursing home care alot earlier than if she persists living with him having him care for her. Not to mention the overwhelming decisions and changes to lifestyle and budget she would have to make. I think she feels as though she is not entitled to half of what she sees as "his" money although she would be perfectly comfortable if they had to split their cash and assets. Plenty of money to get herself into a nice retirement unit and have a reasonable lifestyle.
Not much that I can do for her, but i just need to put it down, as usual.
She is totally submissive to his domineering ways.
I know he is bullying her and controlling her, but am powerless to do anything about it. She doesn't do pretty much anything at home now. She doesn't cook, clean, make coffees, she has him put her shoes on, help him with dressing her, he makes all the decisions and she is shouted down and belittled when she tries to come up with anything that doesn't suit him.
When I try and bring up these issues, she goes quiet, and makes it obvious that she doesn't want to talk about it, and certainly doesn't want to take action.
I think she realises that she doesn't have alot of options. She can stay with him and his controlling ways, or leave, and that means requiring full time care from "outsiders" alot earlier and potentially nursing home care alot earlier than if she persists living with him having him care for her. Not to mention the overwhelming decisions and changes to lifestyle and budget she would have to make. I think she feels as though she is not entitled to half of what she sees as "his" money although she would be perfectly comfortable if they had to split their cash and assets. Plenty of money to get herself into a nice retirement unit and have a reasonable lifestyle.
Not much that I can do for her, but i just need to put it down, as usual.