Carer needs hip replacement

Bee Bumble

New member
Jan 29, 2019
3
I am needing hip replacements but as I care for my husband who has Alzheimer's it may be difficult, he can't stay here on his own even though he insists he can. I'm really concerned about how he will cope if he goes into respite care, he can still manage a lot of things by himself, would he lose the ability to do those things if he is there? I wondered if anyone can share their experiences of how they managed. Thank you.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,012
Scotland
I think you need to start from the point that you need and must have the operation. Once you have a date then get the respite organised and it might be an idea to look for a suitable place now. Will you have help from SS or have to do that yourself? He may take to it very well but that is not your main concern while you are recovering. The future is out of your hands and I think you should concentrate on getting yourself sorted otherwise neither of you benefits.

Good luck.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
779
Pratteln Switzerland
I think you need to start from the point that you need and must have the operation. Once you have a date then get the respite organised and it might be an idea to look for a suitable place now. Will you have help from SS or have to do that yourself? He may take to it very well but that is not your main concern while you are recovering. The future is out of your hands and I think you should concentrate on getting yourself sorted otherwise neither of you benefits.

Good luck.
xoxoxo Practical advice from Marionq as always. Thanks for being here Marion.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,387
Kent
Welcome to the forum @Bee Bumble

I agree with @marionq. SAdly the future is out of your hands. Actually the same applies to all of us. We cannot control the future, all we can do is try to make the best of what we are given.

I was advised to prepare my husband for a time when I might not be available. It was good advice even though I didn`t want to hear it.

Depending on how much time you have before your hip replacement, perhaps you can help your husband get used to allowing others into his life to provide his care.

I do hope all will go well. I understand your worry but if your hip continues to deteriorate your husband`s care will become permanent rather than temporary.

Please stay in contact.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
3,801
Nottinghamshire
Welcome from me too @Bee Bumble

My dad lived alone until the late stages of his dementia. First with help from me and then with carers 3 times a day and a visit from me too. He only went into care after a stroke when it became obvious that that even with carers 4 times a day he was not safe but by this stage he could do nothing and was at high risk of falls.

Have you considered introducing a carer to your husband? If you’re self funding you could approach an agency experienced in caring for people with dementia and ask if you could have a carer to come in and chat to your husband, perhaps make him a coffee a couple of times a week so he gets used to him/her. Obviously you’d have to pay for this. When you have your operation they could then come 2-4 times a day to check hubby is ok and has food and medication. Only you know how much input is needed.

The only other alternative I can see is respite.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
I am needing hip replacements but as I care for my husband who has Alzheimer's it may be difficult, he can't stay here on his own even though he insists he can. I'm really concerned about how he will cope if he goes into respite care, he can still manage a lot of things by himself, would he lose the ability to do those things if he is there? I wondered if anyone can share their experiences of how they managed. Thank you.
Welcome from me, too and you will feel so much better, free of pain, after your replacements. I had a replacement last year and my husband was in a nursing home by then. I could not have managed him at home even after 6 weeks. The operation is great, but recovery time is longer than people tell us. Goodness me, I heard stuff about people going walking in North Wales after a month - but the reality is different. We are weakened all over by the operation and need stress free time to rest and recover, so please make sure you are allowing enough time for this. Hoping all goes well and please do ask me any questions about the operation and recovery itself if you like.
warmest, Kindred
 

Lladro

Registered User
May 1, 2019
119
Hi, speaking from experience - I had both hip joints replaced within five months of each other in 2018. My OH was 18 months into diagnosis at the time and not as "much of a handful" as she is now. I managed to look after her and myself, as I do remember at the time that she was unable to even make me a cup of tea.
It is painful, but in my experience if you do exactly as they tell you to at the hospital and you are reasonably fit to start with, then you will recover quite quickly I believe. I was walking without sticks after a month, but I would say that it took me three months to feel totally "better".
The relief afterwards is magnificent! I am 60 and feel physically 30 ! - which is just as well when you are caring for someone else full time.
 

cobden 28

Registered User
Dec 15, 2017
41
I am needing hip replacements but as I care for my husband who has Alzheimer's it may be difficult, he can't stay here on his own even though he insists he can. I'm really concerned about how he will cope if he goes into respite care, he can still manage a lot of things by himself, would he lose the ability to do those things if he is there? I wondered if anyone can share their experiences of how they managed. Thank you.
In the early noughties my late stepdad was living in the bungalow he jointly owned with my Mum; stepdad had had two hop replacements and although very wobbly on his feet, refused to use a Zimmer frame and kept on falling over which caused Mum to have to dial 999 every time. This happened so frequently that Mum got to know the paramedics by name! Then when Mum had to have a hysterectomy when in her mid-70's it was proposed by the local social services department that stepdad have four carer visits per day while Mum was in hospital but none at night, which was when he was most likely to fall because he also refused to have a commode in the bedroom and insisted on getting up to go to the toilet. After much arguments with Social Services, a respite place was found for stepdad whilst Mum was in hospital for her op. I myself had had a hysterectomy a few years previous so I knew very well that Mum would need someone to look after her when she came out of hospital.

When it came for Mum to be discharged home after her major surgery and stepdad's period of respite ended, he was asked whether there was anyone at home to care for him and he told the respite home that his wife was living at home with him and able to look after him. Furthermore they were proposing to send stepdad home in the morning when Mum wasn't due to be discharged until the afternoon.....which annoyed Mum immensely and she had to insist that she was no longer able to care for her husband at home because she'd had a hysterectomy for heavens' sake. Stepdad therefore never came back home and instead went into a care home, where he died 18 months later (he was then in his mid-80's).

The moral of this tale is that whether your husband likes the idea or not, you are unable to care for him while you're in hospital , or after you're discharged, so he will need to go into respite care at the very least with permanent residential care highly likely also. You need to stick to your guns and be very firm with the hospital authorities - your husband is unable to cope on his own, and you will not be able to care for him because of your major surgery. Get your husband into respite care for starters, and be prepared for the respite to be continued into permanent care.
 

Bee Bumble

New member
Jan 29, 2019
3
I think you need to start from the point that you need and must have the operation. Once you have a date then get the respite organised and it might be an idea to look for a suitable place now. Will you have help from SS or have to do that yourself? He may take to it very well but that is not your main concern while you are recovering. The future is out of your hands and I think you should concentrate on getting yourself sorted otherwise neither of you benefits.

Good luck.[/QUOTE
I think you need to start from the point that you need and must have the operation. Once you have a date then get the respite organised and it might be an idea to look for a suitable place now. Will you have help from SS or have to do that yourself? He may take to it very well but that is not your main concern while you are recovering. The future is out of your hands and I think you should concentrate on getting yourself sorted otherwise neither of you benefits.

Good luck.
Thank you Mariong, you are right, I believe I can get help from SS, he won’t like it but it’s out of his hands too. I’m seeing own doctor next week and will go on from there. We have been married nearly 55 years now, he’s a bit of a joker though now he sometimes he forgets what the joke is about! We still have lots of laughs, we sing a lot too, he likes music and goes to two singing groups each week. Thank you again for your advice and the advise from other members.