'carer' in denial

[anna susan]

My mother was diagnosed with Az about 12 mths ago-not a surprise to me but a shock. As I live 200 miles away my father is the main carer, but, as their relationship is not close, life is close to untenable for them both.
My father is in denial about her condition, telling me she 'can't be bothered to remember' or 'doesn't want to remember'. He has always been a very difficult person and gets angry very quickly over tirivia because 'it makes me feel better to shout'. So their rows are frequent and often result in one of the storming out of the room.
My mother said to me today when I was visiting that she can't do anything right and 'he' is driving her round the bend. I have tried to explain to my father that my mother's problem means she is unable to remember things from 1 moment to the next but his gets angry and dismisses all attempts to help. I know my mother is suffering greatly. I also think that depression and huge stresses are taking their toll on them both, probably accounting for some of my mother's memory problems and my father's physical problems (one being a skin condition that hasn't been definitively diagnosed) but as trying to get him to recognise the problem causes such anger and rows I'm at a loss. I will be in touch with their GP but I need her to 'keep my name out of it'!! LOL or that will trigger more trouble. Does anyone know how I feel please? Oh and my sister lives in Jordan-2,500 miles away!

 

[Margarita]

Denial does feel better then reality, even thought physical symptom can show up like it is in your father.


I remember the arguments my parents use to have, as my mother use to stress my father out so much that he neglected his own health. He had a heart condition. Give me back those arguments they had between them any day.

Trying to change his out look in what happening to your mother may just make you more frustrated & stress you out more

All you can do is what your doing now trying to get your father to look after his own health , may be give your father a break away from your mother by taking her out for the day . When his ready he can ask for more support from social services, but may be that something to consider in the future
Welcome to TP xx

Oh and my sister lives in Jordan-2,500 miles away!

Lucky sister

 

[anna susan]

carer in denial

Thanks for that!LOL-yes lucky sister!!

 

[annmitt]

Hi Anna, its something I used to do myself when my mum first started showing symptoms (something I'm ashamed of now). When she spoke to her photographs, and cuttings of people from magazines. I used to tell her that they weren't real, and to stop, and get quite stressed about it.

It was my daughters that told me to calm down about it. I think its just denial. I know in my case, I knew what was happening to her, but thought I could stop it by making her understand.

Does that make sense?

Anna (another one)