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Carer blues

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
Ok im new here but how does everybody else cope with the mental stress of having to care for their relative that has Alzheimer's? im trying not to lose my rag with my dad but he makes it so difficult. i can't sleep cause he's up and down all night and im constantly worrying if he's going to fall over etc
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,799
0
Bristol
Sorry you are having trouble sleeping and staying calm, @darthdodge. It's so hard at the moment. The only way I manage to stay relatively sane is escaping for walks in the country or even just through the local parks. Can you ask your local authority for care support to give you some time to switch off? Sorry, if that's impractical at the moment.
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
238
0
Not sure I'm remaining sane, but worth speaking to your dad's GP about prescribing some sleeping tablets for him. It's a trade off with the potentially increased risk of a fall, but I feel that if Mum's asleep, she not wandering about in the dark, and falling over.
 

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
Sorry you are having trouble sleeping and staying calm, @darthdodge. It's so hard at the moment. The only way I manage to stay relatively sane is escaping for walks in the country or even just through the local parks. Can you ask your local authority for care support to give you some time to switch off? Sorry, if that's impractical at the moment.
got rid of carers because being charged extortionate amount of money for someone just to come around for 15 minutes 3 times a day make him a drink and chat. not exactly caring and definitely not worth the money
 

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
Sorry you are having trouble sleeping and staying calm, @darthdodge. It's so hard at the moment. The only way I manage to stay relatively sane is escaping for walks in the country or even just through the local parks. Can you ask your local authority for care support to give you some time to switch off? Sorry, if that's impractical at the moment.
i would love to go out and 'calm' down but cant really leave him on his own as i don't know what it would be like when i return. its bad enough when i just nip to the shop. which takes 5 minutes max
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,011
0
Bedford
Would your Dad go to Day Care to give you a break ( although my Mum always refused)?
Could you get a Carer in for a few hours a week to ‘engage in activities’ with your Dad whilst you went out.
Again I guess hard due to lockdown. That has worked for others on this forum to give themselves a break.
Sorry no suggestions for the night wandering
 

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
Would your Dad go to Day Care to give you a break ( although my Mum always refused)?
Could you get a Carer in for a few hours a week to ‘engage in activities’ with your Dad whilst you went out.
Again I guess hard due to lockdown. That has worked for others on this forum to give themselves a break.
Sorry no suggestions for the night wandering
thank you for the advice but im guessing your mum is as stubborn as my dad and not going down the carer route again whilst they charge stupid money for what they do
 

Hayley JS

Registered User
Feb 20, 2020
301
0
I share your pain, I haven't had a break from mum since July, or August, can't remember, and that was only for 2/3 hrs. She won't have help from carers, I'd merrily pay them vast sums if she would! I cope by accepting the situation is what it is and will only get better when it gets worse.... I'm very careful what I wish for ☹️ She's currently singing to the dog whilst emptying her wardrobe, one if us is in dire need of sleeping pills!
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,799
0
Bristol
i would love to go out and 'calm' down but cant really leave him on his own as i don't know what it would be like when i return. its bad enough when i just nip to the shop. which takes 5 minutes max
Sorry darthdoge, I didn't realise how bad it is.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,583
0
Southampton
do you get carers allowance or the person get attendance allowance which covers the night caring as well. its a higher rate than day time. it might offset the carers expense without dipping into any other money then at least you could get some sleep but i suppose that is out of the question at the present time. a friend or relative? they could count as a person giving care to a vulnerable person in the current climate. maybe call the gp and see if they have any solutions
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,366
0
Yorkshire
a few links that may help with finances ... though you probably already have this info
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
69
0
Chesterfield
Ok im new here but how does everybody else cope with the mental stress of having to care for their relative that has Alzheimer's? im trying not to lose my rag with my dad but he makes it so difficult. i can't sleep cause he's up and down all night and im constantly worrying if he's going to fall over etc
Hi for me it's been 5 years and only recently asked for help for me ,mum had Doc's nurses ,teams but I couldn't ask for help for me till I hit burnout. I should have taken my advice to you ,get help and take it when offered.
 

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
do you get carers allowance or the person get attendance allowance which covers the night caring as well. its a higher rate than day time. it might offset the carers expense without dipping into any other money then at least you could get some sleep but i suppose that is out of the question at the present time. a friend or relative? they could count as a person giving care to a vulnerable person in the current climate. maybe call the gp and see if they have any solutions
I've applied for carers allowance but it hasn't been granted. im guessing cause they class me as living with him. looking at the direct payment route from social but once again doesn't goto someone living with the person they care for
 

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
I share your pain, I haven't had a break from mum since July, or August, can't remember, and that was only for 2/3 hrs. She won't have help from carers, I'd merrily pay them vast sums if she would! I cope by accepting the situation is what it is and will only get better when it gets worse.... I'm very careful what I wish for ☹ She's currently singing to the dog whilst emptying her wardrobe, one if us is in dire need of sleeping pills!
I agree with the pills, but not sure who for, maybe both, give parent the stronger one so they out for longer then at least you can wake up in time for when they do :)
 

darthdodge

Registered User
Oct 26, 2020
13
0
Nope, thats not it - I live with OH and I get Carers Allowance.
Are you perhaps working and earning more that the limit?
nope not working, i got furloughed in march, then company went into liquidation mid july. haven't worked since due to the obvious things that are going on atm
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
334
0
Hi @darthdodge i get carers allowance to care for hubby, and I work 12 hrs a week, so I would maybe Query this again. I haven’t had a full nights sleep for years, but it’s something I am used to now, and it’s also taken me this long to temper my language and tone. It’s not easy.
 

Hayley JS

Registered User
Feb 20, 2020
301
0
Does your dad get attendance allowance? I think that has to be claimed first before carers allowance... Might be wrong though its a long time since I did our claims. The links Shedrech posted should help clarify. Or maybe if your claiming another benefit as you are unemployed, I don't think you can claim two. Definately worth checking.