Cared for & lost Nana

[mariposalia]

Good Morning all

Very sad and emotional time for my family right now. My nana passed away in hospital on the 23rd February 4 days before her 89th birthday. Most people would say wow what an age to live to, but nana had a lot more years in her. she was nimble, very agile and strong. Her weakness was the dementia but that didn't kill her. I'm struggling to get over her death and i will explain why.

Nana fell on the evening of 7th January due to antibiotics for a urine infection, made her dizzy. In the fall she broke her top vertebrae in her neck. Sounds like that would be the killer? Nope! Nana wore a neck brace but the dementia caused her to forget why she had to keep it on so nana couldn't go home to her sheltered housing flat as she needed 121 care until her neck healed. She was still walking around and wanting to dance and play cards etc and she loved her grub. 3 weeks passed and nana had slowly stopped eating but we finally we got 121 help to move in and help her at home, so we thought her being home would help her get her appetite back but that didn't work and less than 24 hours she was back in hospital under a safeguarding act. What we didn't know is nana was discharged with a chest infection and vomiting blood.

After what seems days and weeks of me visiting everyday begging the doctors to help her, she wasted away right before my eyes and eventually took her last breath on the 23rd February after 4 weeks of starvation and aspiration pneumonia. Nana refused food and medication and the doctors and nurses said ok. They let her refuse. I tried to reason with them and tried to explain nana didn't know she was killing herself, she didn't know she hadn't eaten. Nana kept telling me she had a bug, and other days she mentioned a huge fry up she had eaten that morning. She hadn't eaten in weeks. We have filed a grievance with the hospital and we have said goodbye but i don't feel like i can get over this. I blamed myself although i know its not my fault, i pushed for help, i tried so hard for them to see she didn't want to die. My nana was full of life when she went into hospital and 6 weeks later she was gone I don't ever want anyone to ever go through this. Be aware. Doctors and nurses don't get trained in mental health. Our hospital had no idea how to treat my nana and kept telling me she had rights to make her own choices but nana didn't in my eyes. She didn't know she was hurting herself.

Please, if you ever find yourself in my position, don't assume the hospital know what they are doing because i found out the hard way that they didn't. You assume they are the experts and they will make her better but they didn't. I did what i thought was enough but they kept telling me no. They couldn't intervene and because of this, my nana died. Not from Dementia but from aspiration pneumonia which was caused by her breathing in her blood vomit. Her blood vomit was caused by her starvation.

 

[karaokePete]

This has been a very traumatic time for you and your family and I wish to express my condolences.
You are very welcome to TP. If you have the need to ask questions or express feelings this is the right place as the members are friendly, informative and supportive.

 

[mariposalia]

This has been a very traumatic time for you and your family and I wish to express my condolences.
You are very welcome to TP. If you have the need to ask questions or express feelings this is the right place as the members are friendly, informative and supportive.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[jaymor]

My husband had Alzheimer’s for 11 years and his death certificate says cause of death Aspiration Pneumonia and then Alzheimer’s. Sadly aspiration pneumonia is a very common cause of death for someone with dementia. He also came very close with a chest infection too but defied all the odds and recovered though left a lot weaker than before the infection. Very few people actually die from dementia, it is usually from infections.

Condolences for the loss of your Nana, I hope you find our forum useful.

 

[mariposalia]

My husband had Alzheimer’s for 11 years and his death certificate says cause of death Aspiration Pneumonia and then Alzheimer’s. Sadly aspiration pneumonia is a very common cause of death for someone with dementia. He also came very close with a chest infection too but defied all the odds and recovered though left a lot weaker than before the infection. Very few people actually die from dementia, it is usually from infections.

Condolences for the loss of your Nana, I hope you find our forum useful.

Thank you for your message. I can understand that aspiration pneumonia is common but my nana never had any issues before she stopped eating. My point and grievance to the hospital is based on my nanas treatment under the professionals care. perhaps it was coincidental that she happened to fall ill, but the grievance is based on them letting her refuse medication and food. It should not have gone that far. Your husband recovered from his infection through medication which means my nana could've had a fighting chance should they have intervened.
Thank you for your kind words and im very sorry about your husband.

 

[Hazara8]

Good Morning all

Very sad and emotional time for my family right now. My nana passed away in hospital on the 23rd February 4 days before her 89th birthday. Most people would say wow what an age to live to, but nana had a lot more years in her. she was nimble, very agile and strong. Her weakness was the dementia but that didn't kill her. I'm struggling to get over her death and i will explain why.

Nana fell on the evening of 7th January due to antibiotics for a urine infection, made her dizzy. In the fall she broke her top vertebrae in her neck. Sounds like that would be the killer? Nope! Nana wore a neck brace but the dementia caused her to forget why she had to keep it on so nana couldn't go home to her sheltered housing flat as she needed 121 care until her neck healed. She was still walking around and wanting to dance and play cards etc and she loved her grub. 3 weeks passed and nana had slowly stopped eating but we finally we got 121 help to move in and help her at home, so we thought her being home would help her get her appetite back but that didn't work and less than 24 hours she was back in hospital under a safeguarding act. What we didn't know is nana was discharged with a chest infection and vomiting blood.

After what seems days and weeks of me visiting everyday begging the doctors to help her, she wasted away right before my eyes and eventually took her last breath on the 23rd February after 4 weeks of starvation and aspiration pneumonia. Nana refused food and medication and the doctors and nurses said ok. They let her refuse. I tried to reason with them and tried to explain nana didn't know she was killing herself, she didn't know she hadn't eaten. Nana kept telling me she had a bug, and other days she mentioned a huge fry up she had eaten that morning. She hadn't eaten in weeks. We have filed a grievance with the hospital and we have said goodbye but i don't feel like i can get over this. I blamed myself although i know its not my fault, i pushed for help, i tried so hard for them to see she didn't want to die. My nana was full of life when she went into hospital and 6 weeks later she was gone I don't ever want anyone to ever go through this. Be aware. Doctors and nurses don't get trained in mental health. Our hospital had no idea how to treat my nana and kept telling me she had rights to make her own choices but nana didn't in my eyes. She didn't know she was hurting herself.

Please, if you ever find yourself in my position, don't assume the hospital know what they are doing because i found out the hard way that they didn't. You assume they are the experts and they will make her better but they didn't. I did what i thought was enough but they kept telling me no. They couldn't intervene and because of this, my nana died. Not from Dementia but from aspiration pneumonia which was caused by her breathing in her blood vomit. Her blood vomit was caused by her starvation.

 

[Hazara8]

A very poignant account and one which will find solace on this site, if only because it underlines what is such a difficult area in respect of dementia/illness. True, hospitals seem in many cases unable to address dementia in patients, owing to ongoing strictures in staffing, else not having that speciality in place - which is vital. It is not the best environment for dementia per se, simply due to the fact that the patient is unable to communicate in a normal way and might thus be misunderstood. This, apart from the stress which can come about in a very pronounced way, owing to unfamiliar surroundings, noise, procedures and all the rest of it. Refusing food and drink is clearly a challenge for those administering care or nursing. My late mother entered an 'end stage' in her Alzheimer's which resulted in her refusing food and drink for a whole month. She was quite strong in fact prior to pneumonia which brought her into hospital and her heart so strong that the consultant made comment that it was that alone, which sustained her throughout the four weeks virtual starvation. I administered water through a syringe in order to lubricate her mouth, as it was becoming so dry, as to cause her stress. The dementia was what contributed to her demise. That happens. Refusing food and drink, despite all reasonable efforts (tube feeding was not an option and besides, rarely prolongs life) was what brought about the inevitable. In short, her Alzheimer's affected her cognition. The 'logic' of requiring sustenance, was not there. I found this exceedingly frustrating initially, because the outcome might have been so very different. But you have no choice when someone refuses. I had cared for my mother for twelve years - the Alzheimer's changed everything. I never left her side and slept in her room, at the hospital. We have to be cautious about generalizing about the awareness or otherwise, in respect of dementia, in hospitals - but I must say that I have seen stark examples of a lack of understanding in this respect. Dementia is complex and extremely challenging even when folk are not actually ill. So when they are, their vulnerability is pronounced and especially so in the hospital environment. What you have been through is clearly very distressing and a multitude of 'ifs' and 'buts' stream through the mind perhaps to such a painful degree that it makes you home in on regret or 'guilt' and so on. Try not to do that. Your personal story is yours and only you know all the chapters intimately. Losing a loved one in this way is certainly very hard. At the peak of my own caring (for my late mother) things seemed frankly hopeless and compounded with utter despair. Now, over a year beyond, I can apply a clear mind and a genuinely fulfilled heart to that most challenging of times. I continue to care in a dementia facility. Something integral and fundamental in my life now. As a codicil to this, I will add that many years ago, my own father was admitted to hospital (non urgent) with pulmonary edema which was to be treated. The call came some hours later to come in as soon as possible. He died from aspiration pneumonia. He, unlike my mother, had not a trace of dementia in his body at 91 years of age. My very warmest wishes go out to you, for sharing your own story here.