Care packages at home?

[Rosserk]

My mums currently in hospital and the hospital want to discharge her to a care home. I want her to come home and to put a care package in place. I’m trying to think of things for her to do that might lesson her extreme anxiety and make it easier for me to cope with her. I realise it might not work but I really don’t want her to go into a care home so I’d like to try something rather than just give up, I’m really not ready to do that just yet.

What types of care have people found invaluable and how did you go about arranging it ?
I think my mum would benefit from a companion who could take her out and about during the day but I have no idea how to go about it. Has anyone else tried this or something similar? My mum gets extremely bored at home all day and is extremely difficult to entertain but loves being out at the shops even if it’s just grocery shopping, a drive out in the car or lunch in a cafe. I can’t take her out every day nor can I entertain her 24/7. How successful have people found day care? Any advice would be much appreciated. I’m happy to pay for any help so cost is not an issue.

 

[Jessbow]

If cost is no issue why dont you employ a live in carer? It swould be quite costly but might suit mums needs.

The best you'll get from a hospital discharge package is 4 short visits a day.

If she's a sociable person, wouldnt the companionship of other residents be good for her?

 

[Jennyt7848]

We had 24/7 for mum with Alzheimer's after a similar experience. However, the carer has to have 3 hours off and that was really difficult for her to cope with. Caused huge fluctuations in mood. Also, things go wrong and carers change and that is very distressful for mum too. Coupled with this is costs with a good care agency, £1300 per week which is the same as a lovely residential care home where mum has more people around and people who understand Alzheimer's properly. When it goes wrong and you cancel the contract you are liable for the 28 day cancellation fee! Still glad we tried but for someone who didn't really want to be left at all, it just cannot work in our experience. Sorry

 

[northumbrian_k]

You may need to ask yourself why you "really don’t want her to go into a care home". Who would benefit from your Mum continuing to live at home? Care homes vary in quality but a good one could give your Mum all of the things that she needs, including company and trips out. Having cared for my wife 24/7 I know that one person (even if unlike me they are a professional carer) cannot provided the same level of care as a group of staff working shifts. Whichever choice you make is bound to be imperfect and I am not trying to steer you towards any particular solution. I wish you all the best in finding a way forward that is best for you Mum and yourself as well.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Jennyt7848

Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope your mum is settling nicely into her carehome.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Please don't see putting your mum in a care home as 'giving up' - it really isn't. This is about getting her the help and care she needs and the hospital certainly seem to think she needs it.

You say your mum likes to go shopping but there's nothing to stop you taking her out if she lives in a CH. Or you could employ someone as a companion to take her on outings if you can't do it. And a good CH will have outings and other activities to keep your mum occupied.

 

[Rosserk]

You may need to ask yourself why you "really don’t want her to go into a care home". Who would benefit from your Mum continuing to live at home? Care homes vary in quality but a good one could give your Mum all of the things that she needs, including company and trips out. Having cared for my wife 24/7 I know that one person (even if unlike me they are a professional carer) cannot provided the same level of care as a group of staff working shifts. Whichever choice you make is bound to be imperfect and I am not trying to steer you towards any particular solution. I wish you all the best in finding a way forward that is best for you Mum and yourself as well.

@Jaded'n'faded
Thank you you @northumbrian_k you make a very good point. I keep asking myself the same question. I keep trying to convince myself that she is better here with her things around her and the familiarity of the house. My husband keeps telling me I’m fooling myself and it won’t get any better but I have very good reasons for not wanting her in a care home apart from my personal ones. My father was in a care home with dementia he died on the 4th of November. The care home are currently being investigated by the CQC and it’s possible charges will be brought against them and individual members of staff. Whilst I realise all care homes are not equal it’s still something that’s very much at the forefront of my mind.

 

[Bod]

Hubbies right!
It wont get any easier, only much harder, not only for you, but those around you.

Bod

 

[Jessbow]

I can feel your heartache, your dad has really only just passed away ( in relative terms) so that is all still very fresh in your mind.

Care homes can be good though, and your husband is right. What about trying a respite placement, and see how it suits her.

it sounds very much as though you need a bit of rest and time to devote to yourself with everything that has happened in the recent past.