Care Needs Assessment Worries

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Disney88, Oct 21, 2019.

  1. Disney88

    Disney88 New member

    Sep 22, 2019
    1
    Hi all. I’m new posting here, but have gained lots of help and support over the last few months from this forum. Thank you. Mum is 81, and has lived quite independently on her own since Dad died many years ago. Memory issues first surfaced five ish years ago, they have got worse but managed by Mums daily routine, and by me (only child) cooking for her and controlling her medication. Then crash- it all fell apart at the end of July. Mum broke her ankle, (does not know how) and had a huge seizure in the fracture clinic, which led to delirium, and a terrible worsening of her dementia. She is no longer safe or capable of living alone and has been in a wonderful care home since being released from hospital on respite care. I’ve waited a very long 12 weeks for Social Services to assess ( self funding but now savings have just about gone- home on the market) but I am terrified that she will be sent home as a result of the assessment. The home agree she isn’t safe, she’s really vulnerable. She can’t rem what has happened two mins ago, has tried to give away all of her personal possessions, practices no self care unless prompted, does not know the day, month, year. She cries daily at tea time saying she’s scared of being on her own (sundowning?). The other day when I took her out for tea and cake, upon returning to the care home she thought she was back at School. She’s stuttering her words and struggling to get them out. I am still waiting for an appointment to the memory clinic. I have an activated Enduring Power of Attorney. My heart would love for Mum to go home, but my head knows she’s too vulnerable. I love her so much but I feel the weight of it all on my shoulders. Any advice for the Care Assessment would be really greatly appreciated. Thank you xx
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,077
    Yorkshire
    hello @Disney88
    a warm welcome to DTP
    it's good to know that reading threads has already helped you
    I'm sorry to read of your mum's downturn ... she's a fortunate woman having you looking out for her

    from what you have described, I doubt there will be any suggestion that your mum could cope at home, even with a full care package ie 4 home visits a day
    just in case, have a chat with the staff at the care home and then sit down and create a bullet list of what support you have given your mum over the last year, what happened over her hospital admission and how much care she has needed in the care home ... that way you will have all the evidence to prove that she cannot look after herself at home, especially during the night, so would be at risk of neglect should she go back to living there ... and to show that the care home is meeting her needs and providing the level of care now necessary, so it is in her best interests to remain there
    be clear, too, that you can no longer provide the care she needs so they cannot rely on you being with her especially at night
    also, be ready to counter any suggestion that your mum wants to go home and her wishes are paramount ... eg explain: she may wish to 'go home' but no longer has the capacity to understand what this entails, and as she no longer has capacity all decisions must be made in her best interests ... give examples that 'home' isn't her home but her childhood home or simply a place she would feel safe ie away from the dementia, which isn't possible ... that she didn't recognise her home when she lived there and used to ask to 'go home' ... whatever applies to her circumstances

    keep using the term 'vulnerable' and that Social Services have the duty of care to ensure your mum receives the support she is assessed as needing, especially at night

    hope the assessment goes as it needs to
     

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