My mum went into a care home straight from hospital during the first lockdown last year after a relatively minor thing but which triggered delirium then dementia - we had all begun to wonder a bit after a few strange things but the hospital said she needed more care than in her little flat. We couldn't view any homes so went by reputation, the first couldn't take her but the second could. She'd heard some good things about it (and some not so good) so reluctantly agreed as the hospital were putting huge pressure on to discharge her. Been there ever since.
We've never seen round it, can't even get them so send photos of her room (they don't know how to do the technology etc) though one did show me briefly some photos on his phone but I couldn't quite work out the layout of the room. Staff all sound so lovely on the phone but it's so hard to judge. Mum says she hasn't made any friends and is lonely, doesn't join in with activities (staff agree there) but mum also says they're too busy to attend to her, she asks for something, they say they'll be back in a minute but forget, one of them was short with her when she changed a table setting (she likes things to be 'just so'), she's asked for a haircut but none is forthcoming - I think there's just a huge gap between her expectations and what they can actually provide at the moment. In her flat she had carers twice a day and they would wait on her hand and foot, run errands, take her out and whatever she wanted. Companions really. The same is obviously not happening in the home. She says she understands they're busy, not enough staff, only young girls who don't know what to do and having a really tough time during covid but then the self-centredness of the early-stage Alzheimers kicks in and she wants them to be with her constantly.
Having been there some 10 months nearly, she's still really depressed and unhappy, I'm inclined to look for another care home but how do I know another would work any better? How can I assess when I can't look round? This one has glowing reviews and inspections but that's only part of the story. She should have settled by now surely? It's awful to say but I wish the inevitable would move along a bit faster, a friend's mother lives in happy oblivion in her care home without any cares in the world. I read some new report about care homes encouraging residents to do more, make tea, domestic tasks etc as it makes them feel more independent and more at home and mum would love that but I bet homes hate it when these great ideas come out, they must be struggling just to keep heads above water at the moment.
I suppose what I'm really asking is how do we know what's going on in care homes? How do we assess what's right for our much loved relatives and how do we decide what the truth is?
Thanks for letting me rant!
J
We've never seen round it, can't even get them so send photos of her room (they don't know how to do the technology etc) though one did show me briefly some photos on his phone but I couldn't quite work out the layout of the room. Staff all sound so lovely on the phone but it's so hard to judge. Mum says she hasn't made any friends and is lonely, doesn't join in with activities (staff agree there) but mum also says they're too busy to attend to her, she asks for something, they say they'll be back in a minute but forget, one of them was short with her when she changed a table setting (she likes things to be 'just so'), she's asked for a haircut but none is forthcoming - I think there's just a huge gap between her expectations and what they can actually provide at the moment. In her flat she had carers twice a day and they would wait on her hand and foot, run errands, take her out and whatever she wanted. Companions really. The same is obviously not happening in the home. She says she understands they're busy, not enough staff, only young girls who don't know what to do and having a really tough time during covid but then the self-centredness of the early-stage Alzheimers kicks in and she wants them to be with her constantly.
Having been there some 10 months nearly, she's still really depressed and unhappy, I'm inclined to look for another care home but how do I know another would work any better? How can I assess when I can't look round? This one has glowing reviews and inspections but that's only part of the story. She should have settled by now surely? It's awful to say but I wish the inevitable would move along a bit faster, a friend's mother lives in happy oblivion in her care home without any cares in the world. I read some new report about care homes encouraging residents to do more, make tea, domestic tasks etc as it makes them feel more independent and more at home and mum would love that but I bet homes hate it when these great ideas come out, they must be struggling just to keep heads above water at the moment.
I suppose what I'm really asking is how do we know what's going on in care homes? How do we assess what's right for our much loved relatives and how do we decide what the truth is?
Thanks for letting me rant!
J
