Care homes and hospitals

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by x-lauren-x, Feb 18, 2008.

  1. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    Hiya
    Hope you are all well.
    My uncle has dementia and he has been placed in a psychiatric ward in hosptial for 2 weeks- he was found wondering the street by a special comstable police officer.
    I was upset by this as i thought he would feel upset and frightened not knowing where he is but my dad reassured me that it was for the best, and really this is what needed to happen as my uncle had not been coping on his own and had refused any help from anyone apart from my mum.
    However, we have been told that the nurses looking after him at the moment are not happy about him going home and are looking into him going into a care home as they feel he can no longer look after himself. I dont really know how to react to this, i know its for the best as he will be safe and being looked after properly, but then its the guilt of knowing he might not like it- having refused this option before placing him in against his will may upset him, what is he doesnt like it , what if he goes somewhere not very nice? reading some of the comments from others on here some people seem to have been in similar situations, i wondered if anyone had any advice or could share their experiences or how they have handled this?

    Thank you
    love
    lauren xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Dear Lauren,
    I think you have known for a long time that your uncle was not capable of looking after himself.
    If he does go into residential care, will he be paying for himself? If so, you might be able to choose a home for him. If not, I can only suggest you express your concern to Social Services.
    It will be upsetting for you and your family, but think how upset you have all been knowing he was living by himself in very unsatisfactory conditions.
    Take care
    Love xx
     
  3. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    #3 x-lauren-x, Feb 18, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2008
    thank you for your support- i think my uncle would probably pay for the care himself- we have visited some local care homes which have been lovely and are close to his local area- we will mention these to his neice for the meeting about care in the week. reading your comment back has made everything more clear i know now that we are doing the right thing, no matter how it feels at the moment.

    also, thank you very much for your continued support to me, i have had no experience of anything like this before- infact 2 years ago i didnt even know what dementia was so it was difficult but all the advice given by everyone on here has made things so much easier.

    lv lauren xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    ps. apologies for posting here- i meant to click on the support ofr carers link instead! i think im going mad!
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    I`ve moved it for you Lauren. :)
     
  5. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    Thank you! xxx
     
  6. Jane1

    Jane1 Registered User

    Mar 3, 2007
    54
    Leicestershire
    Hello Lauren, first of all can I say that i've read your posts before and your uncle is so very lucky to have someone like you who's so kind and caring to support him. You are doing the right thing by looking at lots of care homes and you get a 'feel' for places as soon as you walk through the door of some. If your uncle is self funding as my dad is you will get more of a choice as to where he goes too. Our social services had a 'care home directory' of all care homes in the area and their facilities etc, don't know if this is the same for all areas. Then of course you can always look on the ' CSCI' website for inspection reports although when you've read a few it does blow your mind a bit!!! Be prepared for your uncle to keep asking to go home but know in your heart that he is safe and cared for with staff to look after him. Best of luck Lauren
    Jane x
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Lauren

    Try not to be too upset. You've been so worried about your uncle living alone, and you and your mum have looked after him so well.

    But you really knew that the time was coming, didn't you? I know it's never easy, but I also know that you won't stop caring for your uncle, and that he'll always know he's loved.

    My husband was in hospital, and moved from there directly to a care home. I think this made it easier for him. The CH was just an extension of the hospital, and he wasn't leaving his own home behind. Perhaps you'll be able to arrange this for your uncle.

    Let us know how you get on,

    Love,
     
  8. forgetmenot

    forgetmenot Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    25
    London
    my mother went from hospital to a care home as she also lived on her own and would not been safe to go home. She often went missing and the police helicopter etc. were out looking for her. It is not an easy decision to make but it is for the best. Do not rush into the first care home you visit, but go round a few and compare. Elderly accommodation council are good in producing information. Put his name down at more than one home too.
     
  9. laura92

    laura92 Registered User

    Aug 28, 2007
    47
    Bucks
    Hi,
    When my dad went into sheltered accomadation it was totally out of my control, i spoke of my views but probably didnt speak up enough or things could of been different.
    Make sure you tell everyone possible your views and opinions or you may regret it.
    I have a bad opinion of care homes, but thats just from the perception of others, i don't actually no what thy're like in my area, they might be great, you could always volunteer at one, one afternoon, just to see and maybe put your mind at ease.
    sorry the
    advice isn't great,
    hope it all goes well
    love laura
    xx
     
  10. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Lauren,
    One of the positive things about your uncle going into a Care Home is that, when you visit him, you will be able to spend time with HIM, instead of doing chores for him and going home worried about how he is coping.

    Be prepared for the fact that he probably WON'T like it. Sadly, it has become a necessity and can no longer be avoided. You can help by keeping up your visits, taking him small "treats" (whatever you think he might like) and being cheerful and positive about the home.

    That old "guilt monster" will probably bother you and your Mum, but give him a flying kick! Once a person reaches the stage your uncle has reached, a Care Home is really the only safe option.

    Every best wish to you, your Mum and Dad, and especially your uncle, in coping with this new phase.
     
  11. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    hiya- thank you all so much for the advice- sorry i have been slow replying! we have found a lovely carehome near our house where the people seem very interested and took time to explain everything and how my uncle would fit in there. when my mum went to visit half the people were away at the over 60s club and the others were engrosed in a game of dominoes so the people seemed genuinley happy. Also, there was a lot of small kitchen areas where people could help themselves to snacks or ask the carers for help- the people seemed to really enjoy that some of them were eating random snacks - my mum was shown a massive cake that had been made for the afternoon tea- they were giving out big slices as she was leaving, so that seemed nice.
    one of the homes specialised in dementia care- we wernet keen on this- the people were very quiet and seemed to just sit doing very little- that was a bit scary and im not sure we could go and visit when all the people seemed so down and quiet- i think it reminded us of the hospital hes in at the moment and its horrible visitng there.
    excuse my very long post! will write back with any updates,
    thank you for your support- its so nice to have other peoples opinions instead of us tryin to decide on our own!
    thank you- hope you're well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  12. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hello Lauren,

    I am pleased that a suitable care home has being found for your Uncle.

    It all seems so positive and I hope that your Uncle settles well and is happy.

    I do know what you mean when saying

    It is very disheartening to see the residents like this.

    I hope that all works in your favour.

    Good Luck and Best Wishes, Taffy.
     
  13. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    hiya
    just wanted to share a bit of good news with you! we went to see my uncle in hospital today and he was so much happier and brighter- he was up and dressed and came to greet us when we came in. we had a flowing conversation for a good half an hour and he was genuinley interested in us even though he couldnt recognise me- i think he has gone back to the time when i was little so he looks for me as a little girl not realising i have grown up! but it was so nice to see him chatty and happy- so much more than last week were he was lying in bed not moving or talking to us. we have come away so much mor epositive and looking forward to moving him into the care home were hopefully he will continue feeling so happy.
    hope you have had a good day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Lauren, thank you for a lovely post.

    I'm so glad your uncle is so much better. Hopefully he will settle quickly in his new home, and you'll have some happy times visiting him and perhaps taking him out sometimes.

    Love,
     
  15. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    So lovely to read that your uncle was doing so much better. Doesn't it help us (as carers) when we feel our loved one is happy and well (or as happy and well as s/he can be)? I'm so glad your dear uncle is doing better. Long may it continue!!
     
  16. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    hiya
    im feeling a bit anxious today because we are still waiting for the results of the care home assesment to sort the right type of care for my uncle- it feels like weve been waiting for ages and me and my mum find ourselves permenantly checking the answer machine hoping they will have left a message but still no news.

    i just want things to speed up- its horrible visting my uncle in the psychiactric ward every week when i know how much more fun he could be having. He asks all the time whats going on and we dont know ourselve. i feel mean for saying im annoyed becasue im sure the people in the care home are working hard ot sort my uncles place out but its just so annoying waiting and waitng.
    sorry to complain i jsut want everything to move on.
    hope you are all well- happy easter xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Hello Lauren.
    Do you think it would be right to give whoever is doing the assessment a gentle reminder.
    Perhaps a phone call just to express your anxiety and ask how much longer it will take.
    Sometimes a little nudge doesn`t do any harm.
    Love xx
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Lauren,

    I'm a bit confused -- have I missed something? When did your uncle have the assessment, and was it someone from the care home, or from social services?

    I know that when John was in hospital someone from the care home came to the hospital to assess him, and I had to be present. She told me on the spot that they would take him, and they arranged his transfer from the hospital.

    Did you try ringing the home? You probably won't get hold of anyone from management over the holiday, but I'd try ringing first thing on Tuesday. I know how worrying it is waiting for news, and things always seem to happen at the weekend, when you can't get hold of anyone.

    Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick.

    Love,
     
  19. x-lauren-x

    x-lauren-x Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    125
    hiya- nono you have the right idea! sorry i think i was a bit confusing explaining it all- my uncle is waiting for an assesment for his care home- the lady from the home said she needed to come out and asses him to see the level of care he needed- however, she hasnt actually mentioned anything about us being there- she said she would asses him last week but there was an emergency so she postponed it until this week, however we still havent heard anything so i think like sylvia suggested maybe a little reminder may be good- on tuesday we could jsut phone to ask if there is any news and hopefuly then they may be able to give us an upddate.

    We had already had the assesment from social services- they declared him fine to make his own decisions - but then they found him wondering late at night with no idea where he was going so they took him into hospital until a suitable home could be found-so thats sort of where we are up to at the moment!

    Thank you for your help! Sorry about the confusing previous post!
    Happy Easter will let you know if there are any developments- but like youy say im sure it will be over the weekend when something happens and we wont be able to get hold of anyone- but will persevere!!!

    lots of love
    lauren xxxxxxxxxxxx
     

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