Care home?

[Augustbaby]

Update

I took what a lot of you said on board about moving Mum to a CH nearer to me. I went to see a couple to get an idea, rang Mum's Dr to see if she would be ok to fly as she has previously had a DVT. Spoke to SW, who said they would need to assess Mum, to see if moving up here is what she wanted?. I asked how were they going to assess this, she said she would give Mum a formal assessment and would be with her about 2 hrs. I pointed out Mum was not capable of this desision as she could not assess dangers and problems that she is not able to remember, but still SW insistent that Mum's views should be listened too. Promised to ring me after assessment.
Assessment takes place and my SIL attends. Mum is asked if she a wants to move up here, No she says, after more talking Mum says she would go and look at carehomes nearby. SW then says Mum is not eligible for a carehome as she is managing as she is!!!! SIL said what was the point of the assessment then, SW said it was just to satisfy me. SIL pointed out Mum's falls and immobility, SW said immobility was a good thing as less chance of falls?...SIL said SW did not use a formal assessment, just chatted to her and accepted what Mum said. I had already spoken to Mum about moving up here prior to assessment, and I could tell she wasn't keen, but she did seem to be coming around to the idea. Now what?
SW has never phoned me, despite my leaving messages. I just want to know how bad do you have to be if Mum is not elligble. Chairbound, incontinent, confused, and having falls. In despair ....?

 

[Augustbaby]

Also

Also Mum has stopped answering the phone, can't even speak to her. 1st Mother's Day not able to do so. Sad

 

[canary]

(((hugs))) Augustbaby - I am so sorry.
I do wish SWs didnt take what people with dementia say at face value Yes, its important to listen to them and consider their wishes, but it shouldnt over-ride safety.

A similar thing happened to me in that mum refused all care offered and eventually ended up in hospital. She went from there into a care home. Eventually there will be a crisis, but I wish it didnt have to go that far. Im sure that others will come on with suggestions about what to do, but in the meantime could you look at CHs in your area, so that if/when the crisis comes you know where you want her to go?

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Augustbaby
very sorry too
it begins to seem that SWs are under pressure to accept any sign they can that someone is still able to remain in their own home
forgive me if you've already mentioned this - will your mum be self-funding or LA funded? If the latter, I guess you will, as canary suggests, be waiting for a crisis or a U-turn from SS
if self-funding, might you and your SIL go ahead and support your mum to move - especially if you have LPA in place ?
apologies if this isn't possible
best wishes

 

[Augustbaby]

(((hugs))) Augustbaby - I am so sorry.
I do wish SWs didnt take what people with dementia say at face value Yes, its important to listen to them and consider their wishes, but it shouldnt over-ride safety.

A similar thing happened to me in that mum refused all care offered and eventually ended up in hospital. She went from there into a care home. Eventually there will be a crisis, but I wish it didnt have to go that far. Im sure that others will come on with suggestions about what to do, but in the meantime could you look at CHs in your area, so that if/when the crisis comes you know where you want her to go?

Thanks Canary, hugs appreciated,
Mum is quite happy in herself, thinks she can manage, although she does absolutely nothing for herself. I was stupid in thinking it would be straightforward with the SW, I believed being so frail and having falls would be enough for carehome, scary that it's not.
I can look at carehomes, but having looked at 2 which were nursing homes with residential care, I will have to find out what they will fund, because of the fee difference. I live in Scotland, so funding will come from where she is. Feeling sad

 

[Augustbaby]

Hi Augustbaby
very sorry too
it begins to seem that SWs are under pressure to accept any sign they can that someone is still able to remain in their own home
forgive me if you've already mentioned this - will your mum be self-funding or LA funded? If the latter, I guess you will, as canary suggests, be waiting for a crisis or a U-turn from SS
if self-funding, might you and your SIL go ahead and support your mum to move - especially if you have LPA in place ?
apologies if this isn't possible
best wishes

Hi Shedrech
Thanks for answering this.
Mum will be funded by LA, hence the reluctance to move her to a carehome. I do have LPA, but am confused as I believed that I could make the decision for Mum when I thought it was dangerous for her to continue living alone. Even the GP's support the idea of a carehome, so why does it have to wait for some disaster to actually happen before anyone will respond. Just so worried,and feel as if I am letting her down.

 

[Witzend]

I'm afraid it's because residential care is very expensive, more and more people are living longer and therefore in need of it, and councils are desperate to save money. So social workers are presumably under a lot of pressure to put off residential care as long as they possibly can. Which often seems to mean until some sort of crisis means they no longer have much choice.