1. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    256
    Just been to visit my first care home for possibly my OH with a view for day care then possibly respite which might lead to residential . Want somewhere which will flow through to keep him comfortable. The staff were lovely but I found it upsetting that I am thinking down this route. Family have told me that I need to consider this for my own health as they live so far away and they say I can't do it on my own anymore. They are here on a visit and have seen a big change since they were here four months ago. Feeling very nervous and unsettled when I think of taking this next step.
     
  2. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    715
    Male
    Kent
    Hi Jean

    I know exactly how you feel, as I recently looked at a couple of possible places for my wife (PWD).

    I don't think that she is anywhere near that stage yet, but the advice on this forum is to try to plan ahead?

    The problem I am finding is that quite a lot of places in our area no longer take LA funded clients (she would initially be self-funding but at £700 to £1000 per week, we'd get through her savings PDQ). So this would mean having to move her after a relatively short time, if we went down this route.

    The other issue is that a lot of the better homes that cater for dementia, do not do respite or day care, so it is proving quite a challenge to line up somewhere for us, that could accommodate such a transition as you are contemplating.

    And yes, like you, I am in bits at even considering future plans.

    Hope all goes well for you.

    Phil
     
  3. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    256
    Thanks Phil
    Like you, I came up with the same problem. Places that do day care don't deal with Dementia and he would have to be moved on when he gets worse which defeats the object. And places that have the specialist dementia care don't do day care. It has taken a while to find this place that does everything. Also they collect them for day care as it is some distance away which will be a blessing. If they are set up for dementia the costs is higher but I at least know that he will get the right care so it's worth it. Like you though I am nervous about taking this next step and if it wasn't for his daughter urging me on I think I would put it on the back burner for now. Hope you are successful in finding something in your area. Jean
     
  4. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,749
    Female
    Kent
    Ah, Jean....you poor love. We are a way off this yet (I hope) but I am already thinking that it will be something to consider if we can't give a better level of care at home than he could get in a specialist setting. So, I haven't experienced this....but when my late husband went into a hospice, it was a chance for me to be his wife again, and not his nurse. And we had a very precious three weeks. Your situation is very different...but this is an aspect of it that might be the same? From reading other threads I know that some carer's have really lovely times with their loved ones, maybe going in at lunch time to help with feeding?
    It is heartbreaking...but it sounds as if your step children are being very supportive. How much worse it would be if they were blaming you for not coping.
     
  5. MERENAME

    MERENAME Registered User

    Jun 4, 2013
    236
    scotland
    #5 MERENAME, Sep 6, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2017
    What you are doing is 100% right.

    My Mum is moving to a care home on Tuesday so I have been thinking a lot about this issue. We live in rural Scotland so there is only a limited number of homes in the region. This means that many of them have long waiting lists and do not always accept new residents who are local authority funded. Sadly I have witnessed the consequences of not accepting that a care home will probably be needed by a PWD at some point. Prolonged hospital stays are common and places in the better homes are not available for love nor money when a crisis occurs. Getting to know the home in advance will help you both to feel more comfortable about respite, and if needed , a permanent placement in the right place.
     

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