So since my last post there have been more developments..... had a dreadful pod visit with mum yesterday who is clearly very unhappy with her new unit. She has been put on a quiet unit with only 8 people but it turns out they are much more advanced than mum, most of them stay in their rooms and the few who are in the lounge have some challenging behaviour which mum finds hard to understand why she is with them and misses the company she had on the residential unit. I usually bombard her with news and reminiscences which prevents a lot of upset but yesterday she was clearly very unhappy and I could tell it was more than the usual wanting to go home stuff, she was saying she wanted to lie down and be shot which is not usual for her. She has also had a couple of episodes of agresssion to the staff which is completely out of character and I think could be down to the new meds (Mitrazpine) she threw her specs at a wall and broke them on Monday! But it could also be because she is frustrated and unhappy. Anyway, one of the staff members saw how upset we both were and came and listen to mums concerns about where she is and recognised she missed company she used to have. She got management to ring me and they are going to try her on the other dementia unit which is a lot busier, but apparently has people more at mum's stage and there will be 16 of them and from what I can gather probably not as advanced as the people where she currently is. I think the reason they didn't move her to this busier unit was because there was no room free, but there is now, however they sold it to me that ' a quieter space will be better for your mum' and neglected to mention that most residents were quite advanced. They took mum to the new unit briefly yesterday but she asked to go back - I imagine the busyness and noise were probably a bit much. They are going to try her on it today straight after breakfast and see how it goes. I know nowhere is going to be perfect as mum just wants to be with me or living at home, but I am just really hoping she can find some nice people to be friends with and this will outweigh the fact that is may be a bit noisy etc Speaking to the home this afternoon to see how it is and if ok I think they will move her bedroom etc today. Wish me luck - third time lucky!!!!
Care home wants to move mum from residential to dementia wing after 3 weeks
- Thread starter PinkSheep
- Start date
Hi @PinkSheep , I'm glad that someone in the home listened to you and your mum and I hope she settles in the new unit. If she finds it too busy, she'll be able to retreat to her room. The whole covid situation is making things so much more tricky. In 'normal' times the residents from the three floors in mum's home all do things together and can go to the activities on the different floors. Since last March they've had to do things on a floor by floor basis, though I notice from Facebook that they do bring residents down to the communal areas on the ground floor for visiting singers etc who either use the pod or stand in the garden. I think they've also moved residents round to make sure that each floor is the best fit it can be.
Fingers crossed ?
Fingers crossed ?
Good luck @PinkSheep
It's incredibly stressful trying to settle a loved one into these environments. There will always be some residents who are noisy or behave in extreme ways sometimes. I hope that your mum is happier in the new unit. It sounds as though the staff are really on the ball so will no doubt be helping her to settle.
It's incredibly stressful trying to settle a loved one into these environments. There will always be some residents who are noisy or behave in extreme ways sometimes. I hope that your mum is happier in the new unit. It sounds as though the staff are really on the ball so will no doubt be helping her to settle.
I have been reading these posts, as I am experiencing the same with my mum. The care home want to move her from residential into their dementia unit. Mum has been in the residential unit since February 2020 and she is now starting to need more care than the residential unit gives. She is not washing or changing her clothes and can get very short tempered with other residents and carers.
I had noticed in my last few window visits that there has not been any residents in the lounge of the residential unit and mum says she goes and sits in her room a lot as there is no one about.
The home contacted my sister a week ago to say they would like to move mum to the dementia unit and had a vacant room. They contacted my sister again on Friday and said it wasn't fair to leave mum on her own in her room and not have her mixing, so would be moving her to the dementia unit on Saturday.
The home have phoned today and said mum has refused to move (apparently she got very agitated and angry) and have asked me and my sister to go tomorrow and help.
This will be the first time me and my sister will have been in the same room as mum since last summer, so I'd just like some advice as to how to try to make this as unstressful as possible for mum. I'm already planning what white lies I can say to try and get her to agree to move, but if they don't work I'm stuck.
I had noticed in my last few window visits that there has not been any residents in the lounge of the residential unit and mum says she goes and sits in her room a lot as there is no one about.
The home contacted my sister a week ago to say they would like to move mum to the dementia unit and had a vacant room. They contacted my sister again on Friday and said it wasn't fair to leave mum on her own in her room and not have her mixing, so would be moving her to the dementia unit on Saturday.
The home have phoned today and said mum has refused to move (apparently she got very agitated and angry) and have asked me and my sister to go tomorrow and help.
This will be the first time me and my sister will have been in the same room as mum since last summer, so I'd just like some advice as to how to try to make this as unstressful as possible for mum. I'm already planning what white lies I can say to try and get her to agree to move, but if they don't work I'm stuck.
Hello @sunshine70
I'm wondering if one of you could distract your mum with tea and cake (could you take her into the garden or another area of the home?) whilst the other one moves her things into the other room with help from staff. Take some fresh flowers and a vase, soft toys if appropriate, cushions, anything to make the new room look really inviting. When the room is ready, go in with her and make a bit of a fuss saying how lovely it is, so much nicer than the old one!
(You could also make out it is temporary while the other room/part of the building is being decorated if your mum's reaction isn't good).
I'm wondering if one of you could distract your mum with tea and cake (could you take her into the garden or another area of the home?) whilst the other one moves her things into the other room with help from staff. Take some fresh flowers and a vase, soft toys if appropriate, cushions, anything to make the new room look really inviting. When the room is ready, go in with her and make a bit of a fuss saying how lovely it is, so much nicer than the old one!
(You could also make out it is temporary while the other room/part of the building is being decorated if your mum's reaction isn't good).
My Mum went straight from hospital to a nursing home, which had an EMI until in the same grounds.
Was all very nice BUT they, more than me, realised within a few days, that she needed to be in te EMI until. I hated the idea- My perception of her and the reality were different, although I had cared for her 24/7 until she was hospitalised.
once she had moved and given a day or two she settled as well as she was going to settle anywhere, and they were actually far better for her - organised activities more directed etc. In the nursing home part she had a menu to choose from...not a clue she could neither see it nor read it. In the dementia unit she was offered two plates with food on to choose from.
To me she seemed more able than most- but when all came to all, she wasnt more able, just quieter.
Give it time, I'm sure she'll settle
Was all very nice BUT they, more than me, realised within a few days, that she needed to be in te EMI until. I hated the idea- My perception of her and the reality were different, although I had cared for her 24/7 until she was hospitalised.
once she had moved and given a day or two she settled as well as she was going to settle anywhere, and they were actually far better for her - organised activities more directed etc. In the nursing home part she had a menu to choose from...not a clue she could neither see it nor read it. In the dementia unit she was offered two plates with food on to choose from.
To me she seemed more able than most- but when all came to all, she wasnt more able, just quieter.
Give it time, I'm sure she'll settle
Reading this thread has really helped me as I am this Wednesday meeting a social worker at Mum's and I am going to push for Mum to go into a residential home soon (ish) as I feel I can no longer keep her safe, I liken it to a toddler living home alone - you just wouldn't would you.
Mum is wandering around her village looking for her dog who sadly died 1 month ago, leaving the house dressed inappropriately (no coat and slippers on her feet), losing her key (I had to get a neighbour to let Mum in with spare set kept in key safe), the Ring doorbell picking up motion from Mum opening her front door @ 4am least week though thankfully she didn't go out, but so many safeguarding issues keeping me awake every night and she has definitely lost her appetite, even the cake and biscuits are being ignored!!
I have been feeling so guilty though for even considering moving Mum as there haven't been any real crisis points and apart from the obvious cognitive problems she is physically quite healthy and I know she will hate being in care and she will hate me for putting her there as she doesn't consider herself as one of the 'olds' @ 85 and she doesn't think she has a problem.
I know Adult Social Care are going to push for a care package at home but we've been there done that and it really, really didn't work.
Anyway some of the msge's above have reassured me that there doesn't need to be a crisis, in fact surely better not to wait for that.
Myself and friends have all made a pact to go into the same home when we reach that point in life, we are going to sing, dance and drink wine all day ?
Mum is wandering around her village looking for her dog who sadly died 1 month ago, leaving the house dressed inappropriately (no coat and slippers on her feet), losing her key (I had to get a neighbour to let Mum in with spare set kept in key safe), the Ring doorbell picking up motion from Mum opening her front door @ 4am least week though thankfully she didn't go out, but so many safeguarding issues keeping me awake every night and she has definitely lost her appetite, even the cake and biscuits are being ignored!!
I have been feeling so guilty though for even considering moving Mum as there haven't been any real crisis points and apart from the obvious cognitive problems she is physically quite healthy and I know she will hate being in care and she will hate me for putting her there as she doesn't consider herself as one of the 'olds' @ 85 and she doesn't think she has a problem.
I know Adult Social Care are going to push for a care package at home but we've been there done that and it really, really didn't work.
Anyway some of the msge's above have reassured me that there doesn't need to be a crisis, in fact surely better not to wait for that.
Myself and friends have all made a pact to go into the same home when we reach that point in life, we are going to sing, dance and drink wine all day ?
Hi @sunshine70, I hope you and your sister can manage to get your mother moved without causing her any distress. I think @lemonbalm has some great ideas about how to do it. I'm not sure how they managed to move mum between floors in her home, but they asked me if it was OK not her and just got on with it.
I hope hope you manage to get your mum moved to a home without too much hassle @Miss Elli. My son always thought we should sell moving into a care home as similar to being in a student halls of residence.
I hope hope you manage to get your mum moved to a home without too much hassle @Miss Elli. My son always thought we should sell moving into a care home as similar to being in a student halls of residence.
Thank you everyone.
I had thought of telling her her old room needs decorating (conveniently there has been a leaking roof). Flowers are a nice idea and if I take chocolate too she'll be happy. I think we are really going to have to work at it, even with dementia you can't pull the wool over mums eyes.
Her old room was in a part of an old manor house, her new room is in a newer extension with no real view and the room will be much smaller, which I think is where our problems might be. I just hope she won't be spending too much time in her room once we move her, and with better weather around the corner she'll might even get outside.
I had thought of telling her her old room needs decorating (conveniently there has been a leaking roof). Flowers are a nice idea and if I take chocolate too she'll be happy. I think we are really going to have to work at it, even with dementia you can't pull the wool over mums eyes.
Her old room was in a part of an old manor house, her new room is in a newer extension with no real view and the room will be much smaller, which I think is where our problems might be. I just hope she won't be spending too much time in her room once we move her, and with better weather around the corner she'll might even get outside.
Good luck @sunshine70, I can understand why your mum might be unhappy if the rooms are so different. Mum's care home is a new build so all the rooms are similar. I thought her new room when she moved wasn't as nice, it was not as bright and the walls were painted a rather unpleasant peach/tan colour. However she settled into it immediately and seems to prefer it.
Hope it goes well, you'll just have to think of loads of reasons why her new room is so much better than her old one. Hopefully the staff in the unit will get her involved in activities and she won't be in the room much.
Hope it goes well, you'll just have to think of loads of reasons why her new room is so much better than her old one. Hopefully the staff in the unit will get her involved in activities and she won't be in the room much.
Thank you, Sarasa for your message this morning. The care home phoned my sister just before 9am and said the carers on the evening shift had moved mum. The carers told her she had to move for decorating reasons.
We went and visited and mum was very angry and confused, she ranted and shouted at us, threatening to kill herself and then kill us if we ever came visiting again. Also, while we were there they gave her her medication and a drink, she stored the tablets in her mouth for a while then spat them out. We wondered how long she had been doing this for as I'm guessing in the residential unit they would not check someone was actually swallowing their tablets. We mentioned this as we left. My sister had some old photos of our village on her phone and mum was in some of them, so it calmed her to look through them and see who she recognised. Her room is smaller but a big plus (especially on a day like today) is, she walks out her room, across a hallway into the dining room and out patio doors into the garden.
She wouldn't let us touch any of her stuff saying it was all packed ready for her to go 'home' tomorrow. The carers said they would at some point try and wash all her clothes as they didn't know what was clean or dirty and how long some of it had been in the bags for. They also said everything she said and did was totally normal and not to take anything personally, but its hard when I'm looking at my mum but the person speaking isn't her.
I'm visiting again tomorrow, I wondering then whether it's best to give her some time to settle in to her new surroundings?
xx
We went and visited and mum was very angry and confused, she ranted and shouted at us, threatening to kill herself and then kill us if we ever came visiting again. Also, while we were there they gave her her medication and a drink, she stored the tablets in her mouth for a while then spat them out. We wondered how long she had been doing this for as I'm guessing in the residential unit they would not check someone was actually swallowing their tablets. We mentioned this as we left. My sister had some old photos of our village on her phone and mum was in some of them, so it calmed her to look through them and see who she recognised. Her room is smaller but a big plus (especially on a day like today) is, she walks out her room, across a hallway into the dining room and out patio doors into the garden.
She wouldn't let us touch any of her stuff saying it was all packed ready for her to go 'home' tomorrow. The carers said they would at some point try and wash all her clothes as they didn't know what was clean or dirty and how long some of it had been in the bags for. They also said everything she said and did was totally normal and not to take anything personally, but its hard when I'm looking at my mum but the person speaking isn't her.
I'm visiting again tomorrow, I wondering then whether it's best to give her some time to settle in to her new surroundings?
xx
Hi @sunshine 70, the carers will have seen behaviour like your mum's loads of times before. It's tough I know, I used to get so upset when mum swore at the carers or made racist remarks, as that isn't the real pre-dementia mum, but the carers told me not to worry as they knew how to cope with it. In the new unit they will keep a much closer eye on her taking her tablets and sorting out her stuff. I guess the residential wing has fewer staff and wouldn't have time to do that sort of thing.
I'd leave it for a week or two after your visit tomorrow. By then your mum should have settled. You can always phone the home and see how she is doing or send in treats and cards.
I'd leave it for a week or two after your visit tomorrow. By then your mum should have settled. You can always phone the home and see how she is doing or send in treats and cards.
I was allowed to visit mum on Wednesday (garden visit). She was very chatty and happily went back in for lunch, there was none of the anger my sister had on Tuesday.
The home gave me her suitcases to take to stop her packing, so at least they will now be able to sort her clothes washing. She hadn't showered but I'd much rather than a grubby settled mum than a clean angry, confused mum.
The home gave me her suitcases to take to stop her packing, so at least they will now be able to sort her clothes washing. She hadn't showered but I'd much rather than a grubby settled mum than a clean angry, confused mum.
