Hi, I am new to this forum - but have previously supported the Alzheimers Society with charity events as dementia runs in my family. I have a dilema, and would appreciate other people's view and experiences. My mum is 76 years old - coming up to 77 this November. She was diagnosed with dementia 5 years ago and based on the scales of dementia is probably 5-6 out of 7 / Moderate. She lives on her own and has always stayed independent with lots of help from the family. We have arranged for carers to see mum 3 x a day for 1 hour a time - to help with personal care and also for companionship. Mum has 3 children ( myself and my two brothers) but we all work full time and have very busy jobs. We do our best to help mum, and we are a close family but I feel that mum needs more help. The carers are unable to help mum with personal care, mum simply refuses. They assist with her meals and basic household chores. Mum can use a kettle and toaster, but that is all. We tried a day care centre - so that mum could meet people and socialise and take part in music quizzes etc but mum was rude to the organisers and didnt want to be there. My concern is that my Mum is lacking mental stimulation, ie conversations, company, things to do and she is not getting the care I feel she needs. She gets up in the morning, wanders around the house and during day (apart from carers) looks out into a garden, no-one walking by (cul-de-sac). She has called us at times to say she is fed up and lonely, sometimes she doesn't know its her home, which is really sad. On the flip side, I have taken her to a Residential/dementia care home where the facilities are fantastic. Very lively environment where they promote independent living as much as possible. Activities to take part in (if you want to etc). We have visited there a few times and mum loved the people and the place (as a visitor). I have arranged and paid for my mum to have 2 weeks respite there, so she can see how she gets on and whether she likes that type of environment. The dilema is twofold Firstly - Family - myself and 1 of my brothers believe that mum would have an opportunity to enjoy life more if she went to the home (assuming mum likes it) as the facilities they have for dealing with people with dementia are fantastic and we think it might give mum a new little lease of life. She used to be very sociable but is just becoming isolated now. However, some family seem to frown up 'care homes' and see it as an easy get out - or last resort type of care - but from what I've seen at this home, it isn't the case. It is lively, fun, encouraging and seems to provide an opportunity for elderly people to enjoy each day. My eldest brother believes mum is better off at home in a familiar environment. I'm struggling to see this, as she is becoming isolated, confused, anxious and sometimes quite distressed. Although she has a lovely home, she is almost becoming a prisoner in it. I'm beginning to think I'm missing something here - ie is it better for someone with Dementia to be in a familar place - albeit lonely and struggling? Obviously, even in a care home, mum will struggle, but she will have people around her to help her - so hopefully won't be as anxious. The differences in opinions is putting some strain on our family relationship, which is sad as we have always been close and always agreed on family matters. Secondly, making the right decision - we want to do the best for mum and make the right decisions for/with her. Her moods and thoughts are very changeable and that makes it harder for us to understand exactly what she wants and what she would enjoy. One day she loves her home and wants to stay there - another day she hates it, is lonely and depressed and wants to move to the care home she's seen. If she stays at home, we will probably have to release equity to help fund care costs, if she goes to the care home, we will have to sell her house to fund it, so either way, it's a big decision and will be difficult to reverse. If anyone has any thoughts on whether people with dementia are generally better cared for in their home that would be appreciated. How do you go about helping that person make the right decisions when their moods are so changeable? Thank you and sorry for the long post!