All your feelings reflect mine. I've been bottling it up so I admire that you posted how distressed you have been. Initially I thought it was a good thing that a local mental health charity facilitated visits for next of kin. It has been disastrous for me. My husband doesn't even look at me, ignores me. Is he angry with me? I don't know as the opportunity for us to maintain some sort of connection has been taken away because of Covid. Wearing masks, maintaining distance must be off putting to him. I cannot touch him, even though we both have had our Covid vaccines. The support worker is allowed to hold his hand - he has a compulsion to walk but she want him to sit - this is not helpful! I simply cannot stand it that staff can touch and be close to him, chat to him, share little jokes. They hover over us when I am desperately trying to made a connection. They go home at the end of their working shift, to their families, do their shopping, how many staff have had their vaccine?
I know, I know, I know - and acknowledge the Covid rules in place and support them. But I can see his deterioration over the last weeks has been rapid, he is not happy, I get very upset afterwards and this remains for a couple of days, yet I book a visit for the following week and go through it all again. I cannot let go - he is my husband.
In the meantime we keep reading about research into the prevention of dementia. For example, people who have rheumatoid arthritis and take methotrexate appear to be at diminished risk. Well, I'm one of those people who have RA and take methotrexate and do not find such articles helpful at all in this period. I need to see reporting on what care facilities and medical professionals are doing to minimise the harm done to people with dementia. I do not need the standard responses 'he's doing fine, he is safe'.
I'd like, wish, for the experiences of carers and families to be documented. I'd like to see the harm done to our emotions and those of our loved ones to be reflected. My last visit was yesterday, so feelings are raw.