Today I went to visit 2 care homes close to me. Both were nice and comfortable with endorsements from visitors who happened to be there. I shall keep their details, put Mum's name down on waiting list and then see how much longer I can carry on. I feel guilty. Mum does not know I am looking- would be heartbroken but it's getting harder. Today Mum didn't get washed or dressed and has stayed upstairs all day. She gets easily tired and really needs help from a carer. I don't want to do it as I look after my daughter. I said to Mum we can get a carer in for her. She says she doesn't need it and I could do it instead. I said I don't want to do it. She says now that she has no more use I don't want to know. I will add she has lived with me for 8 years. She always accompanied us on holiday when we still had them and I included her lots of times when I did things with friends because she was a good Mum. The last few nights she has called me to accompany her to the toilet as she is unsteady. Once in there she will sit for half an hour, this is in the middle of the night. She has a commode in her room but doesn't want to use it as its for old people and then adds I suppose you are fed up helping me. Well yes I am. It's only a few months ago I was getting up around 3 times a night with my daughter. To top it all off this morning I fell down the stairs from halfway up when I missed my footing. Now all sore down side. Writing it down I can see I really am not being unreasonable but why do I feel so awful and guilty at looking at homes. I know I can't carry on like this and I know too that my Mum hasn't really got much quality to her life always coming second after my daughter whilst with me.