1. maclaren

    maclaren Registered User

    Oct 2, 2013
    Hi all,
    Just needed to post this for some feedback on whether what has happened to my dad who has been in a care home for 2 weeks is normal.
    My mum went to see him today and found he was dressed in someone else's pyjamas,
    No shirt or socks and just 2 jumpers on . He hadn't shaved or been shaved for a couple of days either.
    This is not the best home look wise but we were promised good care and he would be looked after.
    My mum went into his room and found all his clothes gone which included 4 pairs of trousers, 6 shirts and numerous socks and pants and 2 pairs of pyjamas, all were labelled by the way. His electric razor was also missing. She asked one of the carers who said they were all in the wash. So where's HIS DIGNITY. It's heart breaking to see him slowly decline because of this bloody awful disease but to lose all dignity when someone could have at least help him get dressed in a pair of trousers. What is going to happen tonight, is he just going to bed in what he's wearing. The bottom line is I know it must be hard to look after people with dementia but at the end of the day I thought it was the care that all homes bang on about that mattered most. We've paid to get his haircut Tuesday so lets see what happens.
    I bet those in charge wouldn't be happy if it was their dad looking like a tramp
    We will talk to the home tomorrow as they did appear to be very reasonable on his first day, but if nothing happens does anyone know if asking for advice from the social worker is the norm. There is such a fine line between not being a nuisance to being genuinely worried
  2. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    #2 starryuk, Jul 26, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2015
    I am sorry that your mum found your dad in this state. Hopefully it wasnt upsetting to your dad. Did your mum notice whether other residents were 'badly' dressed?

    When mum was in her CH, this didn't happen. The laundry was done every day. I can't see how all your dad's clothes were in the wash. That sounds odd to me.

    I would definitely speak to the manager about it. Ask why your dad was dressed in that manner. Where his razor is and why he had not been shaved. Don't worry about making a fuss, this is your dad, but I don't think you need to be genuinely worried yet as it may have been a one off situation.
    The manager does need to investigate and get back to you with answers though.
  3. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    I had this all the time at my dads care home. He looked like he had crawled out of a cardboard box. I did moan a few times but it made little difference and I was worried they would take it out on dad.
    He was very obliging so the repeated excuse of " he didn't want a shave" was just an excuse in my eyes as if they had taken him into the bathroom he would have sat there while they did it.
    He often had other people's clothes on, some far too small and obviously not his, he once was rushed to A&e with sepsis and his trousers were so tight (size small he was in a XL) that we had to cut them off him and the elastic and really dug into his stomach and ankles - who ever put them on must have known. The carers in the day just blamed the night staff.
    His glasses were always filthy and he often had poo on his fingers and under his nails.

    I cried on numerous occasions and in hindsight ( my dad died in March) I wish I had kicked up more of a fuss and reported them to the quality care commission.
    My mum also has dementia and if she goes into a carehome I won't make the same mistake.
    We pay a lot of money for them to look after our loved ones and the basic standards are to be clean and have clean clothes on that fit ( I didn't stress too much if they weren't his clothes as long as they fitted and were clean).
    I would raise your concerns with the manager, give them a chance to put it right and if it still happens complain again to the homes owners, social services or care commission. If all else fails move him.

    I am still haunted by the fact my dad started flinching when I bent down to kiss him in the last few weeks before he went to hospital. Like he thought I was going to hit him ( was it because someone was?) I wish I hadn't been so afraid to complain.
  4. cipramil

    cipramil Registered User

    Jun 28, 2015
    report it adapts

    Do not tolerate this. Report to social worker and care quality commission. It is shocking there is no excuse for it.
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    I know it's the standard of care that counts but really.... Where is the care when there is poo under a residents nails? My OH was in a CH with only 15 residents-some were dressed well others weren't (due to relatives not providing decent clothes). The residents whose relatives did provide plenty of decent clothes always looked smart and clean. When Pete was well he always colour co-ordinated his clothes and the carers did the same. A pair of trousers/t shirt and jumper were always hung on the same clothes hanger to make it easier for the person who was helping the resident with the dressing. At no time did I find Pete in someone else's clothes.

    Make an appointment with the CH manager and calmly ask if your Dad has enough clothes; if he/she agrees that he does point out your concerns. Also ask about the shaving problem. If you stay calm you will have the upper hand. Ask-don't accuse. BUT if the situation continues-well they have had their chance to make wrongs right. Go to the CQC with your concerns


    Lyn T XX
  6. janma221

    janma221 Registered User

    Apr 23, 2013
    That is awful. My mum has been in her care home for over 2 years now and I have never seen her or any of the other residents in the state you describe. You should report it to Social Services as everyone at whatever stage of dementia they are at should still have their dignity. Perhaps I am lucky that the home I chose has excellent standards of care but lack of hygiene is inexcusable. I hope you have some luck with this and I wish you all the best.
  7. maclaren

    maclaren Registered User

    Oct 2, 2013
    care home soap opera update

    Thankyou for all your replies.
    We have now complained to the Home and the Social worker. The social worker was great and contacted the home immediately. We have now been contacted by the home who after several apologies agreed this should not have happened. My brother went in to see my dad today and good news he actually looked a lot better in his own clothes, miracle how they found them so quickly!!
    and they have now agreed to hunt down his shaver and keep him stubble free as long as he stands still long enough.
    I mean at the end of the day its not about them and its not about us, its about my DAD, AND HIS LONG TERM CARE and holding on to the very last piece of dignity he should be entitled to
  8. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    Glad the social worker spoke to them so quickly and the home has apologized. What was their excuse? (I was wondering if it was due to understaffing at the weekend or something.)

    The manager knows you are on the ball now and will probably be more respectful of your dad and his appearance in future. Let us hope they find your dad's shaver too.
  9. 99purdy

    99purdy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2014
    Hi all, just wanted to add the following. My lovely stepdad is in an EMI unit where most of the patients have severe behaviour problems. My lovely stepdad can suddenly without warning become very aggressive, and he and many of the other patients have one to one care. The carers are fantastic but are sometime unable to get Dad to dress accordingly. Sometimes when I visit he is walking round in his boxers and a t-shirt back to front. But he is happy if they were to try to get him to change he would become very violent. He has also lost electric razors, clothes etc. Sometimes I visit and his whole wardrobe is in the wash because he has used his wardrobe as a toilet!! My stepdad was a calm very very smart man before his sudden illness. I have visited and realised nearly all the patients have his jumpers on!! The staff are fantastic and really care for their patients. When I pointed out they were horrified and very apologetic. Unfortunately in the environment that he now lives, other than making sure all residents stay in their rooms, nothing will change. I can not tell you how much this has upset me. However I now realise that, as long as Dad is well looked after and cared for, the only person who is upset with his fashion sense is me as Dad is totally unaware and happy. The staff have to choose carefully when to shave him, bath, shower him as he likely to attack them. This illness really is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. I understand exactly where everybody is coming from with hygiene etc but I have, now for my own sanity, realised that as long as Dad is happy then I am happy. X
  10. mrbeamer

    mrbeamer Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    Do not tolerate this

    I agree with Cipramil, they are paid very well albiet from the council or private funding.
    You cannot be a nuisance, your dad MUST be looked after carefully by the home.
    I made a point of making friends with the carers where my mother is. At the same time, I will ask them direct questions so they are always on their toes, especially when I visit.
    Remember, you are the boss, the care home is working for you and your dad so tell them what you want to see happen, no excuses
  11. maclaren

    maclaren Registered User

    Oct 2, 2013
    care home soap opera episode 2

    Hi all,
    Ongoing saga re my Dad and his missing clothes and shaver... 'yes weve found his shaver and all his clothes, there's nothing to worry about its all fine' thats what the Manager said, so we naturally believed her, my brother went to see him and yes they found the shaver, but not his shaver and they found ONE shirt. He was still sitting wearing someone elses Jumper. Ok maybe its my Dads protest saying to my Mum 'you know i always hated those shirts or why couldnt you have bought me different trousers, maybe its his inner self coming out to punish her. The thing is on his first day the very first question the Home asked was ' i hope everything is labelled' what's the flippin point.
    I'm taking my Mum over next week to see him, if she sees him in another persons clothes i know her heart will just sink. We can't just keep on bringing in more clothes i mean wheres the sense of it all. This is such a small thing i know, but its not right and it shouldnt be happening, do i go round everyones room and search their wardrobes? What happens if someones elses family comes in and sees my Dad wearing their husbands clothes, pretty short changed id imagine.
  12. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    Hi Maclaren I feel for you. It's soul destroying to see your loved ones in this situation without all added problems. My Mum is in a 'good' home but is occasionally in other peoples' clothes. That no longer worries me but the engrained faeces under her nails and on her hands I find very distressing. I tried for half an hour the other day to get it out but her nails were still dirty so goodness only knows how long it takes to get like that. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to make a fuss as well. All very difficult but surely that is all part of the job description? I wish you lots of love, luck & strength.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

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