Care home - snobbishness and non helpful..not impressed!!!

[VonVee]

Tonight at 5pm, after spending 35 minuets of scouring the internet for information on clubs and events in the local area, something to do to take my mother too, I found out on google a care home which runs a dementia memory cafe club once a month and they also do events every week, for non residents and residents to attend, so I thought I’d phone them to find out more, and what I found, the attitude, the uninterest, left me very unimpressed indeed.

I was only trying to find places to go and take my mother to, and the response was not what I was expecting, the lady I spoke to, demanded that I come down to the home tomorrow with Mum, so she can assess her needs, and to see what events would suit her better, then she went on to say, she has 5 floors of events going on everyday, and it’s important for the safety of her residents (who pay a lot of money to stay there) that they won’t be endangered or disrupted by my mother and her dementia care needs, so she’ll be carefully vettted, I was gobsmacked, I explained that she was a little old lady of 85 with sever dementia who had no idea of who anyone was or even what time of day it is, and in a very non physical aggressive way would end up just sitting in her chair staring at the floor, and certainly not terrorising her paying residents.

Anyway she carried on talking to me like I was an idiot, making me feel absolutely like killing myself, so in the end I hung up on her, what I don’t understand is, why do they advertise and open there care homes doors for non residents to visit for events, and it’s all positive on paper, but in reality it was very negative, rude and snobbish...

Also it’s clearly obvious, that really there is no help when you really want or need it, they say there is, but you either have to pay for it, have a finance assessment, go through a bucketful of red tape and loop holes, and after all that, your basically on your own.

I give up.

 

[Kevinl]

I, for one am glad the home my wife's in doesn't take day residents or do respite, from what the nurses and carers say it can be a nightmare. People are an unknown quantity and they have to put the care of the residents before anything else.
When you say " and it’s important for the safety of her residents (who pay a lot of money to stay there) that they won’t be endangered or disrupted by my mother and her dementia care needs, so she’ll be carefully vettted, I was gobsmacked, I explained that she was a little old lady of 85 with sever dementia" well an 87 year old lady got hold of my hand the other day and, as usual tried to bite me, she does it to anyone who gets close to her, I've seen her bite several members of staff.
All well and good you say she's not going to "certainly not terrorising her paying residents" but how do they know that.
The home is exactly that, it's my wife's home (sadly) and I'd want anyone vetting before they came in, out into a new environment people can act in unpredictable ways so I'm happy if a home errs on the side of caution and do a proper assessment of a person before they let them anywhere near my wife be it staff, residents or day care people.
K

 

[canary]

Im sorry that the person you spoke to was snobbish and rude - peoples manner can make so much difference - but, TBH, I dont think that it is unreasonable for your mum to be assessed to find out which group would serve her best, especially as there are so many different events. How would you know which one to pick? I certainly wouldnt with that number going on. I have read several times on here about people being asked to leave a particular day care because of problems of various sorts and, to my mind, it seems sensible to try and avoid this in the first place by getting the best "fit"

 

[Saffie]

I completely agree with both posts above. Care homes need to be as safe, calm and reassuring for the residents who live there there as possible. We all know how sufferers of dementia can be affected by different situations. Any new resident would have to be assessed and so it doesn’t seem unreasonable to expect the same for somebody attending for the day even though not residing there.
Perhaps the person you spoke to was busy and feeling stressed as phone calls can often give the wrong impression as one cannot see the person but it is a shame if she gave the impression of being snobbish or unwelcoming.

Regarding costs and assessment, what is so wrong with that? An assessment is surely the best way of finding the right place for your mother to spend time and for others to know more about her so that her needs can be met appropriately and all care costs somehow.
I hope you find somewhere suitable for your mother to spend some time.

 

[father ted]

Sorry Vonvee but I agree with the other posters.

I know from your perspective it seems a lot of red tape when you just want a quick solution BUT the manager was right. Put the boot on the other foot if your Mum was paying a lot of money to stay ther ( and even if she wasn't ) would you want them to let someone in of whom they have no knowledge of their behaviour or how they will react to the others? Maybe someone with challenging behaviour, highly sexualised behaviour? As frustrating as it is this sort of protocol will exist in most places and you will come across it time and time again. Put your conversation aside, contact them again- say you were cut off and visit it with your Mum. If either of you don't like it so be it. It will give you a comparison if you try somewhere else.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I am afraid I also agree with other posters. Dad tried day care and he resisted strongly only managed 2 sessions before the Alzheimer's Society placement agreed with me it didn't suit dad or work well for other attendees because he needed a lot of supervision from trying to look for an escape from the secure building and this was after an assessment. I totally agreed with them and was realistic with dads challenges, wasn't at all offended. All care home or nursing home residents are assessed as it should be before they are accepted and even though you may feel it is only day care or dementia cafe so a short period of time, the care home is acting responsibly to both current residents and your mum to assess her stage in person and what from their activities if any they can offer to benefit her. While dad was in his nursing home as K has said I saw the effect on residents and the demands of a needy day resident on staff. That is why not many homes in my area offer day care, even respite can quite difficult to manage and they have to consider the dynamics of residents first and foremost. Your mum may well be a lovely passive elderly dementia lady but it is quite right that both of you should visit initially so she can be assessed after all, you or your mum if she is able to express herself decide yourselves that equally the home can't offer what your mum needs. If you haven't contact the AS in your area they may be able to give information on other day care options or offer day care themselves. It is unfortunate that the lady seemed offhand but would be worth a visit at least.