I haven't posted for a while but have been lurking for a while taking great comfort from this supportive group. I am saddened that so many families are coping with this horrible illness, but at least feel a bit less alone. I just need to get things off my chest today.
My Mum has been living alone with Alzheimer's for a number of years now, she was diagnosed 4 years ago, but had symptoms long before that. It became apparent last winter that she was coming to a point that she wasn't safe to be left any more. My sister and I tried to support her at home staying over, making more visits etc and we managed to limp through until this month where she seems to have taken a real dip quite suddenly. (Tests haven't revealed an infection, so just the illness I guess). She has started to wander off out of the house and was brought home by the police last week, which is so worrying as she is so confused and can't see due to sight problems. Her night time waking which used to maybe ever third night is now pretty much every night and makes looking after her absolutely exhausting. She also has a downstairs loo and is partially sighted so has a long walk to the bathroom from bed and has started to have a few falls. When she is deep on confusion she forgets how to walk. She has also started to call my sister at all hours as she doesn't know where she is.
Social services really don't care, they haven't offered a care assessment as she is self funding and just said we should try assistive technology to alert us if the door opens, which doesn't feel helpful as she could be out in a busy road in seconds before any help could get there.
So we came to the sad conclusion that it is time for full time care. We took her to a local care home for 3 weeks respite, but I can't see how she can possibly come home. Dropping her off was awful. She was very distressed. She has always been a private person and I can see that it is distressing for her. I think she fear she will never see us again.
The other truth is I just don't want to put my life on hold any more. Before Mum was ill we cared for my Dad, so my sister and I have been carers for over 10 years now and feel exhausted. And I feel really guilty about this. I am managing at the moment as I am furloughed and my husband works from home so can do more child care. But the reality is that my job won't be coming back after furlough ends so I really need to get job hunting, which I am finding hard to mange with my caring role.. My sister feels the same, she works for herself and her business has taken a real hit whilst looking after Mum. I know in her lucid moments that Mum doesn't want to be a "burden" on my sister and myself, she is proud of our lives and would want us to live them to the full. It just feels so hard to have to sacrifice her well-being for our own if that makes sense?
I just feel so sad and guilty. I know it is early days, I hope that she will enjoy the company. We are visiting on Saturday to give her a chance to settle, so I hope once she sees us she will realise that she hasn't been abandoned. I just suppose I hoped she would be in a permanently confused state when full time care was necessary, which is not the case as she actually she still has really lucid moments among the confusion and takes great joy in her children and grand children.
Anyway, thanks for listening, feels good to off load.
My Mum has been living alone with Alzheimer's for a number of years now, she was diagnosed 4 years ago, but had symptoms long before that. It became apparent last winter that she was coming to a point that she wasn't safe to be left any more. My sister and I tried to support her at home staying over, making more visits etc and we managed to limp through until this month where she seems to have taken a real dip quite suddenly. (Tests haven't revealed an infection, so just the illness I guess). She has started to wander off out of the house and was brought home by the police last week, which is so worrying as she is so confused and can't see due to sight problems. Her night time waking which used to maybe ever third night is now pretty much every night and makes looking after her absolutely exhausting. She also has a downstairs loo and is partially sighted so has a long walk to the bathroom from bed and has started to have a few falls. When she is deep on confusion she forgets how to walk. She has also started to call my sister at all hours as she doesn't know where she is.
Social services really don't care, they haven't offered a care assessment as she is self funding and just said we should try assistive technology to alert us if the door opens, which doesn't feel helpful as she could be out in a busy road in seconds before any help could get there.
So we came to the sad conclusion that it is time for full time care. We took her to a local care home for 3 weeks respite, but I can't see how she can possibly come home. Dropping her off was awful. She was very distressed. She has always been a private person and I can see that it is distressing for her. I think she fear she will never see us again.
The other truth is I just don't want to put my life on hold any more. Before Mum was ill we cared for my Dad, so my sister and I have been carers for over 10 years now and feel exhausted. And I feel really guilty about this. I am managing at the moment as I am furloughed and my husband works from home so can do more child care. But the reality is that my job won't be coming back after furlough ends so I really need to get job hunting, which I am finding hard to mange with my caring role.. My sister feels the same, she works for herself and her business has taken a real hit whilst looking after Mum. I know in her lucid moments that Mum doesn't want to be a "burden" on my sister and myself, she is proud of our lives and would want us to live them to the full. It just feels so hard to have to sacrifice her well-being for our own if that makes sense?
I just feel so sad and guilty. I know it is early days, I hope that she will enjoy the company. We are visiting on Saturday to give her a chance to settle, so I hope once she sees us she will realise that she hasn't been abandoned. I just suppose I hoped she would be in a permanently confused state when full time care was necessary, which is not the case as she actually she still has really lucid moments among the confusion and takes great joy in her children and grand children.
Anyway, thanks for listening, feels good to off load.