Care Home respite

[Cga1960]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum. My dad who is 88 was diagnosed with dementia about 5yrs ago. Its been getting steadily worse since. He still lives at home with his wife,my step mum who is 84, she is his main carer. However his sleep pattern is very hit and miss and this obviously affects her with him usually going to the loo 2,3 sometimes 4 times a night. We've got a good social worker on board and have organised respite care for him so my step mum gets a break. We've tried talking to him about this but we just go round in circles, he's constantly saying why can't I look after him, they live in a 1 bed maisonette. Within half an hour he's forgotten.
I'm looking for advice on how we deal with this on the day. Respite is not until mid July.
Thanks in advance,
Chris.

 

[karaokePete]

Once the situation has been mentioned, many people, when the time comes, just pack a bag secretly and drop the person off without saying anything as the Care Home staff will have experience of the situation.

Some initially sell the idea as a bit of a holiday to help the carer or, if the person has been ill, as a period of convalescence ordered by the GP. Once mentioned it often isn't mentioned again as it will always meet with resistance - few would want to be put in a Home.

 

[canary]

Dont talk to him about it. If you ask someone with dementia if they want to do something their default answer is always no, because they dont really understand the issues and saying no is safer. Dont try and explain to them why they need to go on respite as they are not able to understand and usually think that everything is perfectly OK with them, so they dont need it. Try and sell it as something positive for them - a holiday, to improve health in some way or something like that.

OH has just recently been on a weeks respite and I sold it to him as a holiday. He seemed to enjoy it.

 

[Sirena]

As the others have said, don't talk to him about it, he'll just fret and you will go round in ever decreasing circles. Tell him on the morning, pack him a bag and cheerfully take him to the lovely break he's having. He can no longer understand, process or remember what is happening, so you have to make the decisions and act on them without his input. He lives in 'now' and will have no concept of when July is, so leave the subject aside until the day arrives.

 

[Rosettastone57]

As the others have said, don't talk to him about it, he'll just fret and you will go round in ever decreasing circles. Tell him on the morning, pack him a bag and cheerfully take him to the lovely break he's having. He can no longer understand, process or remember what is happening, so you have to make the decisions and act on them without his input. He lives in 'now' and will have no concept of when July is, so leave the subject aside until the day arrives.

Ditto above posts. When my mother-in-law went into care from hospital last year,I just organized it and told her it was for her to convalesce until her house was made safe due to building work. It didn't need anything, actually . Her default answer was always no.

 

[Cga1960]

Thank you one and all for taking the time to reply. I'll speak with my step mum and arrange to get a small bag packed. He is away at a day centre twice a week so it should be easy to sort out nearer the time.
Thanks,
Chris