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Care home/Respite care

emmie25

Registered User
May 17, 2015
2
My dad (87) has dementia and is unable to care for himself. Mum (also 87) looks after him but she has her own health problems -diabetes, osteoporosis. She has now broken her wrist after a fall. As she cannot do as much as usual dad's behaviour has deteriorated. Since his diagnosis which he refuses to acknowledge he has been adamant that he will not go into a home and becomes aggressive and abusive when a home is mentioned. Mum is desperate for some respite. I live 250 miles away but visit as much as I can. Any advice as to how to persuade dad to go into care, at least for the short term?
 

submarine

Registered User
Apr 5, 2013
25
London
How distressing. Could you perhaps contact the social services via the local council where your parents live and request an URGENT assessment for carers to go and help. Maybe if you mother tells your father that they are there to help HER while her wrist heals rather than him he may not put up too much of a fight?.
By the time your mothers' wrist has healed he may have forgotten why the carers are coming to help and accepted the new regime?.
It ' s awful for you to be so far away. I sympathise. I was in the fortunate position where there was room for my mother to move in with me but before that I was a nervous wreck. ( I still am, but it s a bit more manageable )



Submarine


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submarine

Registered User
Apr 5, 2013
25
London
I wasn't ignoring your original question about how to persuade your father to go into a home. I was thinking perhaps having carers come in to help could be a step in the right direction?.
The social services team should be able to advise you about possible respite care where your parents live.
Submarine


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Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,475
Suffolk
Hi
I did what submarine suggested.
I said words to the effect that you know how bad I've been recently? He agreed. Well, to let me get better, so that I can look after you again, I have to have a rest. That means you have to go somewhere where can get help, while I recover.
He bought it! Three times! On his third respite, I was ill, so got an extension, then he got infection, another extension. As from Tuesday he'll be there permanently. He hasn't queried anything. Personally, I would love him to be home, but my health can't cope.

The difference is that he has always accepted he has a problem which I assume would help. He has Alzheimer's and vascular and is in late stages.
 

emmie25

Registered User
May 17, 2015
2
Thanks very much for the suggestions. Will give them a go. Could be a good idea to say carers are to help mum not him as he certainly doesn't believe he has any problems at all!

Hi
I did what submarine suggested.
I said words to the effect that you know how bad I've been recently? He agreed. Well, to let me get better, so that I can look after you again, I have to have a rest. That means you have to go somewhere where can get help, while I recover.
He bought it! Three times! On his third respite, I was ill, so got an extension, then he got infection, another extension. As from Tuesday he'll be there permanently. He hasn't queried anything. Personally, I would love him to be home, but my health can't cope.

The difference is that he has always accepted he has a problem which I assume would help. He has Alzheimer's and vascular and is in late stages.