Hi everyone. Just wondering if anyone can answer my query. Mum went into a care home last week for two weeks respite and this is also with a view to seeing if this will become more permanent soon. I've been in to see her quite often as I promised I would. What I find is that quite a few of the residents are at different stages obviously, but I wonder is it usual for such a mixture in the same place. For instance my mum has dementia which shows itself at the moment with her being very confused at times and repeating herself. She has been quite agitated but that seems to be calming now as the gp has increased her mirtazapine. She has become part of a group of ladies who sit together most of the time and just chat (in their own way). But what I wonder about is for instance one man just walks about almost constantly never speaking apart from intermittent outbursts and yesterday there was an episode where he actually stood and urinated in a corner of the room we were all in. Other residents constantly babble to themselves or call out. Is this the norm to have several different situations together? I know that at times my mum is very concerned at how "poorly" they are and quite unnerved. I just wonder what other people have found in other homes? We have looked at several different ones and this is quite a small family run home.
Care home residents
- Thread starter Tessi
- Start date
Hi Tessi
My mum is still at home but does go into day care three days a week and also into respite regularly (in the same home). There are all sorts there; some are chatty, some are silent, some can be encouraged to take part in quizzes/knitting, etc. and some don't want to. One poor lady comes to visit her husband and he is so withdrawn she chooses to sit with him in the main lounge rather than his room, because she can feel part of what's going on rather than sitting in silence.
Mum thinks some of them are 'batty' (and I'm sure they think the same about her) and some of them are too intrusive. Some put themselves on the floor, some mutter, some are constantly claiming attention, some are wandering, others are withdrawn - all sorts.
I have looked at permanent care homes for mum and I would hope when the time comes I can get her into this home as they are caring and professional at the same time and really nice people.
Sad fact of life that we can't be too choosy, even if they are self funding.
Urinating in the corner is obviously not to be disregarded but it might have been a one-off. He might have needed the loo but could not find it and the care assistants may not have picked up on this. This does happen though, if they are aware of it, they may be looking out for his agitation and can usually deal with it. Have a word with them if you are worried about it; and have a scan through the posts on this site.
My mum is still at home but does go into day care three days a week and also into respite regularly (in the same home). There are all sorts there; some are chatty, some are silent, some can be encouraged to take part in quizzes/knitting, etc. and some don't want to. One poor lady comes to visit her husband and he is so withdrawn she chooses to sit with him in the main lounge rather than his room, because she can feel part of what's going on rather than sitting in silence.
Mum thinks some of them are 'batty' (and I'm sure they think the same about her) and some of them are too intrusive. Some put themselves on the floor, some mutter, some are constantly claiming attention, some are wandering, others are withdrawn - all sorts.
I have looked at permanent care homes for mum and I would hope when the time comes I can get her into this home as they are caring and professional at the same time and really nice people.
Sad fact of life that we can't be too choosy, even if they are self funding.
Urinating in the corner is obviously not to be disregarded but it might have been a one-off. He might have needed the loo but could not find it and the care assistants may not have picked up on this. This does happen though, if they are aware of it, they may be looking out for his agitation and can usually deal with it. Have a word with them if you are worried about it; and have a scan through the posts on this site.
Hello Tessi
Yes I think people will be at different stages in all homes. I don`t see how it can be otherwise.
Perhaps in small family run homes it is more noticeable. My husband was in one of these homes but the care was so good and he was so contented i wouldn`t have considered moving him for a moment.
Perhaps the larger homes can group people into stages of need. I doubt it though when dementia progresses in so many different ways.
If your mother is distressed by what she sees and hears, it will pass I`m sure.
Yes I think people will be at different stages in all homes. I don`t see how it can be otherwise.
Perhaps in small family run homes it is more noticeable. My husband was in one of these homes but the care was so good and he was so contented i wouldn`t have considered moving him for a moment.
Perhaps the larger homes can group people into stages of need. I doubt it though when dementia progresses in so many different ways.
If your mother is distressed by what she sees and hears, it will pass I`m sure.
Thank you both for your replies. Luckily mum didn't even notice when the incident occurred yesterday so at least that was a good thing. This is all new to us and I'm certainly learning day by day. Need to make some decisions soon.
My mother entered her care home, walking the corridors, physically fit and able to hold a (admittedly angry) conversation. Eight years later, she was one of the old dears slumped in a chair, unable to communicate.
Although like you, I worried that Mum wasn't amongst people at the same stage as she was when she went in, I was immensely grateful as the years went by that she wasn't shut away in a silent world, and - even if she couldn't join in - she was still embraced as a full member of the little community.
I think visitors are much more aware of odd behaviour than the residents themselves.
Although like you, I worried that Mum wasn't amongst people at the same stage as she was when she went in, I was immensely grateful as the years went by that she wasn't shut away in a silent world, and - even if she couldn't join in - she was still embraced as a full member of the little community.
I think visitors are much more aware of odd behaviour than the residents themselves.
Hi Tessi my mum has been in her care home for 4 wks now. It is a dementia unit though so everyone there has the illness to a greater or lesser degree. Mum has taken time to settle but has done up to a point. It's really encouraging that your mum has become part of a group so soon. Like your mum, mine also has concerns for the more afflicted residents but I've been quite amazed at how she has just accepted how they are. The staff are aware if anyone anyone starts any unwelcome behaviour & deal with it promptly by moving them away/ distracting them. Your mum will probably adapt in the same way. I guess there is a limit on what the home can deal with in terms of dementia behaviour so you could have a chat with the manager to find out more. Mums manager reckoned the people there weren't too bad. I guess in there experience they have dealt with a lot more than me. Good luck x
I think you're right. I'm very aware of what's going on but yesterday mum was just fixated about one topic "how did I get here?"!! That's a long story mum!
I think that`s the point. What may distress you might not necessarily distress your mother.
You don't say whether this home is just for dementia residents.
If it's for dementia people only then it will cover everyone from those just a bit forgetful to those who are very disturbed or non verbal.
In my husband's Nursing home, like other replies, people are very varied in their dementia. One woman bangs on anything she can lay her hands on continually. A blind woman drags herself along on the floor and takes her clothes off continually. She is a trip hazard to residents. I've seen 2 men fighting and my own husband also has urinated on the carpet and knocked over chairs in the lounge. It must be frightening to the immobile. He sometimes goes into other residents' rooms, once with faeces on his hands, and lays down on their beds. I feel sorry for the old ladies who perhaps have had strokes and are not so difficult as the Alzheimer residents. It must be frightening for them. My husband stays in his room if he can, as there is no peace in the communal lounge.
Liz
Liz
