Care Home procedure following Mum`s passing

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by catbells, May 22, 2015.

  1. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    384
    Cambridgeshire
    Hi, I`m not sure sure if it`s just me having expectations or assumptions, but it`s now 10 weeks since Mum`s passing. I had written to the CH twice, once by letter enclosing final rent cheque(letter has been received as the cheque has gone thro the account) and by email, days after her passing before the funeral, and I have not received any acknowledgement that Mum even lived with them from their management.
    In both communications I gave permission for them to put what was left in her "funds" (Hairdressers/chiropody etc) into their funds for the benefit of the dementia unit residents and also when they do a planned "make-over" of a small patio area off the dementia unit that we would like to contribute, not a dedication to Mum, but as a thank you from the family. I`m I being unreasonable to expect some sort of response. I tried to find out if the CH had a set procedure following the passing of their residents, but have been advised to speak to the regional manager. I didn`t really want to name and shame the Home, as the care was well beyond excellent, but its a management issue. I wonder if its because I was a very pro-active relative, not only with the care of Mum, but also working with them to improve the environemnt for the residents. So impressed by the care I have told the family I would be happy to live there if necessary.
    I expected a "standard" letter from the CH to the effect ... sorry about your loss, thanking you for choosing our home....any support you may need.....thank you for your kind gestures.....
    I think it is just courtesy to acknowledge that she actually lived there for over 3 years.
    Is this an oversight as they are too busy, is it personal - how dare they ignore the fact that this CH was an important part of her life and support for us the family.
    I think in order to have peace for myself I will be ringing the regional manager, but wonder what those of you on TP have experienced yourself following the loss of your loved one and the"closure" by the CH has been.
    Heather :mad:
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    My OH was also in a lovely CH. However, the Management were so different from the Carers. After Pete passed I had a letter addressed to him with an invoice for £21.00. No words of sympathy, just a bill. I put the invoice to one side. Then came a reminder and another reminder addressed to him. I'm not sure but I decided as I hadn't completed probate I was under no obligation to pay. I finally paid last week when I had a stern reminder sent to me. Terrible way to carry on IMO. I would have paid much earlier if the invoice had been sent to me and there were a few words of sympathy for my loss.

    As for the way you have been treated-terrible.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     
  3. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Interesting.

    I too had a very good relationship with the CH Mum lived in for eight years. After her death I made a substantial contribution to the activities fund and gave each member of staff (30 of them) from cleaners to cooks a £20 Sainsburys voucher as a thank you.

    I was really quite hurt when a few weeks later I got a brief email from the manager thanking me. TBH, I had expected they would send a card, with at least some signatures on it, as a proper thank you. Just bad manners. It still rankles when I think of it.
     
  4. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    #4 WIFE, May 22, 2015
    Last edited: May 22, 2015
    I had a brilliant relationship with the Carers and Nurses at my husband's NH but the administrative staff and owners left a lot to be desired. I had to wait ten weeks to receive a refund of fees as he died at the beginning of a month which had been paid in advance. I still visit once a fortnight taking the dog - and all the staff who were there with my husband welcome me but the owner just walks past with her nose in the air. I did receive a card of condolence from the NH but ungraciously felt it was one of many - all ready signed in a drawer for future use. I suppose at the end of the day these places are businesses like any other and the personal touches come from the Caring staff. As long as your loved one was treated properly and with respect - best to move on. WIFE
     
  5. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    384
    Cambridgeshire
    thank you for your responses. Interesting there appears to be a theme throughout CHs from admin. The manager has many many years experience working in dementia units and you could see this when he was relating to residents, however perhaps he isn`t an admin person and his assistant didn`t bother. Time will tell.
    I picked up the courage and spoke with the Reg.Mgr today. I had to identify the Home and Mum- she was apalled and totally unacceptable. No there is no "procedure" as such, it`s up to the individual manager.
    She is going to highlight communication with relatives after loss at her next meeting with her 18 managers. She will also have a quiet word with the individual manager concerned.
    Care for this particular CH company means after loss also, their policy to support relatives and their staff after the loss of a resident, no matter how long they have stayed with them. She expected a card from carers including managers, something if not a letter. The managers actually organised a floral tribute, which I was cross about but said nothing to the carers who attended the funeral. The obituary in the local paper clearly stated no flowers by request, donations to Alzi Soc. They could have put the money to the AS, however, I gave the carers the floral tribute and asked them to put it in the lounge for all the residents and carers to enjoy. Perhaps this is why no letter??
    I feel a bit better now having spoken to her, but felt uncomfortable having to do this, it was beginning to become a "mountain" not a mole hill - this could be happening to other relatives.

    Thank you again for relating your experiences
    Take care
    I`ll let you know if I do eventually receive some form of communication from the manager.
    Heather x:)
     
  6. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    I'm glad you plucked up the courage to say something. Now that they have been made aware of such problems, something much more positive may now be put in place.

    Take care.
     
  7. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    My daughter's FIL had been in a nursing home for several years before he died. I don't know what communications there were following his death at the nursing home but I do know that they planted a tree in his memory in the garden. It is their little tradition that as each patient passes, they plant a tree, bush, rose or something similar and mark it with a little name tag so that it remains a garden where people can walk or sit. I do know that the family were never asked to pay for the plant and were only became aware when they had to collect some of FIL' s things and a staff member took them out to show them the tree. It made them feel as if FIL had been valued as person and they really appreciated the gesture.
     

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