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Care home or not

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
66
Chesterfield
Mum has told me she wants to go to care home because anything is better than sitting here on her own.I live with her and her friend and neighbour comes round 6 days a week so she is not totally alone. any advice would be welcome I don't know if to start the ball rolling or not.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,259
England
Could you find a care home you are both happy with and see if they would take your Mum on a four week respite stay with the possibility of it becoming full time if she settles. She might find it more noisy and unsettling or she might find she+lives all the comings and goings.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
66
Chesterfield
Could you find a care home you are both happy with and see if they would take your Mum on a four week respite stay with the possibility of it becoming full time if she settles. She might find it more noisy and unsettling or she might find she+lives all the comings and goings.
I will speak to mums cpn on Tues ,I think we have to start looking for mum I am just worried about covid at least she is safe at home and I don't think she would be happy no matter where she was .
 

Barronred

Registered User
Apr 1, 2020
10
Hi Andrea - my mam lived alone in Newcastle and I live in London. She was diagnosed with mixed dementia about 2 years ago and was coping reasonably well. For many years she has resisted all my attempts to get her to move in down here with us. In late Feb - just before Lockdown she fell and badly bruised her face. I took the view that she would never survive Lockdown on her own so brought her back to London with me. Slightly short of kidnap lol.
During the next 4 months she fell at least a further 4 times (the last requiring 3 stitches in her forehead) and became increasingly confused after each incident. I am retired but have 3 children, the youngest of which is 3 years old. Mam had her own room in the ground floor and access to a toilet nearby. She constantly asked to go home and I used the Covid-19 issue as to why she could not return. It became increasingly obvious that (a) she could no longer live on her own and (b) she needed professional care and stimulus that we could not offer. She was adamant that she did not want to live in London so I began to research the care homes available over the Internet as all were in Lockdown and not admitting visitors.
I have to say that her local Social Workers (North Tyneside) were fantastic. They maintained regular contact with me and conducted an assessment of her mental capacity using Microsoft Teams. They were, understandably, unable to endorse any particular care home, but once I had chosen the one I believed best for mam, they liaised with them and made what was a potentially torturous experience as painless as possible.
The upshot of this was that mam went into the care home on 9 July. She has settled in quickly, albeit with a few initial moans and groans, made new friends and loves the food! She is surrounded by fantastic genuine carers who look like her and sound like her and they go the extra mile in making her feel as if she is in her own home.
On reflection, this has been one of the most difficult and most stressful things I have ever had to deal with. Thankfully, with the assistance of a brilliant Social Worker and Care Home staff things seem to have worked out better than I might have ever imagined.
When I was in a similar position to yourself and trying to decide whether or not the 'tipping point' had been reached regarding a care home, someone on this site suggested that it was more about what mam 'needed' rather than what she wanted. Thankfully I think we have reached a point where she is safe, content and much more relaxed.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
66
Chesterfield
Hi Andrea - my mam lived alone in Newcastle and I live in London. She was diagnosed with mixed dementia about 2 years ago and was coping reasonably well. For many years she has resisted all my attempts to get her to move in down here with us. In late Feb - just before Lockdown she fell and badly bruised her face. I took the view that she would never survive Lockdown on her own so brought her back to London with me. Slightly short of kidnap lol.
During the next 4 months she fell at least a further 4 times (the last requiring 3 stitches in her forehead) and became increasingly confused after each incident. I am retired but have 3 children, the youngest of which is 3 years old. Mam had her own room in the ground floor and access to a toilet nearby. She constantly asked to go home and I used the Covid-19 issue as to why she could not return. It became increasingly obvious that (a) she could no longer live on her own and (b) she needed professional care and stimulus that we could not offer. She was adamant that she did not want to live in London so I began to research the care homes available over the Internet as all were in Lockdown and not admitting visitors.
I have to say that her local Social Workers (North Tyneside) were fantastic. They maintained regular contact with me and conducted an assessment of her mental capacity using Microsoft Teams. They were, understandably, unable to endorse any particular care home, but once I had chosen the one I believed best for mam, they liaised with them and made what was a potentially torturous experience as painless as possible.
The upshot of this was that mam went into the care home on 9 July. She has settled in quickly, albeit with a few initial moans and groans, made new friends and loves the food! She is surrounded by fantastic genuine carers who look like her and sound like her and they go the extra mile in making her feel as if she is in her own home.
On reflection, this has been one of the most difficult and most stressful things I have ever had to deal with. Thankfully, with the assistance of a brilliant Social Worker and Care Home staff things seem to have worked out better than I might have ever imagined.
When I was in a similar position to yourself and trying to decide whether or not the 'tipping point' had been reached regarding a care home, someone on this site suggested that it was more about what mam 'needed' rather than what she wanted. Thankfully I think we have reached a point where she is safe, content and much more relaxed.
Hi Andrea - my mam lived alone in Newcastle and I live in London. She was diagnosed with mixed dementia about 2 years ago and was coping reasonably well. For many years she has resisted all my attempts to get her to move in down here with us. In late Feb - just before Lockdown she fell and badly bruised her face. I took the view that she would never survive Lockdown on her own so brought her back to London with me. Slightly short of kidnap lol.
During the next 4 months she fell at least a further 4 times (the last requiring 3 stitches in her forehead) and became increasingly confused after each incident. I am retired but have 3 children, the youngest of which is 3 years old. Mam had her own room in the ground floor and access to a toilet nearby. She constantly asked to go home and I used the Covid-19 issue as to why she could not return. It became increasingly obvious that (a) she could no longer live on her own and (b) she needed professional care and stimulus that we could not offer. She was adamant that she did not want to live in London so I began to research the care homes available over the Internet as all were in Lockdown and not admitting visitors.
I have to say that her local Social Workers (North Tyneside) were fantastic. They maintained regular contact with me and conducted an assessment of her mental capacity using Microsoft Teams. They were, understandably, unable to endorse any particular care home, but once I had chosen the one I believed best for mam, they liaised with them and made what was a potentially torturous experience as painless as possible.
The upshot of this was that mam went into the care home on 9 July. She has settled in quickly, albeit with a few initial moans and groans, made new friends and loves the food! She is surrounded by fantastic genuine carers who look like her and sound like her and they go the extra mile in making her feel as if she is in her own home.
On reflection, this has been one of the most difficult and most stressful things I have ever had to deal with. Thankfully, with the assistance of a brilliant Social Worker and Care Home staff things seem to have worked out better than I might have ever imagined.
When I was in a similar position to yourself and trying to decide whether or not the 'tipping point' had been reached regarding a care home, someone on this site suggested that it was more about what mam 'needed' rather than what she wanted. Thankfully I think we have reached a point where she is safe, content and much more relaxed.
Hi barronred I am glad your mum is happy,mum and I have always lived together but I think now she needs more than I can give her now she is a social person where has I am a loner and I think it would be good for her to have constant company and care that she needs it just seems one step closer to the end though. Thanks for the advice.
 

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