Care Home issue - Do I complain?

[Elsie54]

Thank you for all your advice folowing my indecision in February over choosing a care home for mum who has vascular dementia.I am pleased to say that I finally settled on a good home, mum moved in at the beginning of May and all has been well until now.
Today I visited to find mum wearing her nightdress over a pair of trousers and a vest neither of which belonged to her (and a size too small). Her hair was unkept but much worse she was also wearing someone else's glasses and couldn't read a thing. Reading her paper is one of the last pleasures left to her. I got her changed and did her hair so she at least looked decent, found a carer and told her about the missing glasses.
I realise that this could just be a temporary blip but am I expecting too much for mum to be dressed properly in her own clothes? The missing glasses are worrying as they still hadn't turned up by the time I had to leave.
Mum is in a mixed CH and lives in the residential area rather than on the specialised dementia unit because, when the home carried out the pre-admission assessment, they considered that her needs would be best met there. Howver there are several other residents with dementia on this unit. Also today the gentleman sitting next to mum had her wallet in his bag. It's empty because we're discouraged from leaving valuables but mum likes to rummage in it for phone numbers and photos.
Anyway should I complain? The missing glasses will be expensive to replace but more important is mum's well being and dignity being compromised by a lack of care or am I expecting too much?

 

[craftyviola]

I would definitely raise your concerns with the manager, perhaps informally initially by email so there is something on record?

It is not uncommon for things to go missing in Care Homes but it does sound as though your Mum is missing a lot of her possessions!

 

[angelface]

Certainly raise it with the manager.

I find so many things go wrong with auntie's CH, that I have decided to complain only when things affect her health. The problem with the glasses roughly fits in there, I would think?

Has your mum got enough clothes? If clothes are a bit short, the CH often uses 'spares', which are not all that great.

 

[juniepoonie]

hi sorry to hear how you found your mum today. its important to us that our loved ones look as though they are well cared for. have you thought about marking mums frames with nail polish on arms behind ears. my BIL glasses are always going walk about . we have found them in all sorts of places. are they just readers as we have stopped getting expensive ones and buy foster grants readers bout £8.oo. sorry cant help much best wishes juniepoonie

 

[grobertson62]

It isnt uncommon for things to go missing
We used to play hunt the walking sticks. Dad had 5 hunt the glasses teeth hearing aid slippers etc etv
We gave up with teeth and hearing aid...walking sticks would turn up after a few days.
Glassrs were a bit more difficult. We learned to have spares. Mark them with a dab of nailvarnish so dont get mixed up.they would eventually turn up. Having been in the laundry. Down side of chairs or even in some ones room
As for the clothes raise your concerns... Its easy for them to get muddled up.
Gill

 

[Elsie54]

Thank you for your replies.
I'll certainly be marking the new pair of glasses. Unfortunately mum has a special prescription and it's 2 weeks and £360 for the new pair so she can't read for two weeks!
I did ring the care home today but they just tell me they are still looking for them and nothing more can be done.
As to the clothes, mum has a whole wardrobe of clothes in the CH but it simply wouldn't occur to her that any of them are hers. Likewise it wouldn't occur to her to wash! This is why I feel that the carers should be making sure that mum is dressed properly. I've had concerns before with dirty clothes and had to get her to change then too. I'm just really sad that mum looks so neglected. It seems to me that the CH is going downhill rapidly. The smiley manager who offered the world has left as has the nurse who told me she loves the residents like her own and now I don't have any confidenece in any of the staff that I deal with.
We're self funding at £750 a week so I've decided to look around for a new CH. Bit drastic I know but I'm going with my gut reaction rather than wait and see of things improve.

 

[sue38]

I'm going with my gut reaction rather than wait and see of things improve.

I think you're right. Glasses can go missing - one of the residents in my dad's home had a tendency to scoop up any unattended glasses - and often turn up, but being left unkempt and unwashed (unless your mum is resistant to personal care) would raise alarm bells with me. Changes of key staff would also be a cause for concern.

It's as well to see what else is out there.

 

[virg]

If the carers get to Mum before she has time to dress herself then she generally looks fine. If they get to her when she has dressed herself, then there is no changing her, whatever weird selection/quantity of clothes she has on. We accept that as it shows that there is still some of Mum's independence in there even if she looks scruffy.

Is it possible that your Mum has chosen her own clothes and not been amenable to changing when the carers asked?

 

[Takemewithyou]

Thank you for your replies.
I'll certainly be marking the new pair of glasses. Unfortunately mum has a special prescription and it's 2 weeks and £360 for the new pair so she can't read for two weeks!
I did ring the care home today but they just tell me they are still looking for them and nothing more can be done.
As to the clothes, mum has a whole wardrobe of clothes in the CH but it simply wouldn't occur to her that any of them are hers. Likewise it wouldn't occur to her to wash! This is why I feel that the carers should be making sure that mum is dressed properly. I've had concerns before with dirty clothes and had to get her to change then too. I'm just really sad that mum looks so neglected. It seems to me that the CH is going downhill rapidly. The smiley manager who offered the world has left as has the nurse who told me she loves the residents like her own and now I don't have any confidenece in any of the staff that I deal with.
We're self funding at £750 a week so I've decided to look around for a new CH. Bit drastic I know but I'm going with my gut reaction rather than wait and see of things improve.

This post is almost a duplicate of my recent one (regarding moving my mother to another care home).

No wonder that a large percentage of people have such low expectations of the care they will receive in a care home.

I used to worry that cancer may take me away from my daughter. Now, I just worry that I may develop dementia and that my daughter will be left with the guilt and stress.

My mother is also self funding, but this shouldn't have any bearing on the care that all residents should expect to receive, self funding or not.

I've found my mother a different care home that I think will suit her needs more, but have now hit a bump, in that a Best Int. meeting has to be held again to determine if a move will be okay for her. The care home manager is saying that nothing is wrong with her care.

I'm in a position now, of having to prove that my mothers basic care hasn't been taken care of. Unfortunately as I'm an only child, I have had no other eyes on this situation. It's just my word against the care home manager.

I never even put the complaints in writing each time.

It sounds awful to consider, but I wish I'd photographed on my mobile, my mother in some of the dirty and unkempt states that I find her in regularly. It has gone through my mind to do this on many occasions, but honestly, it makes me feel sick to think of having to do this. Seems like an intrusion of my mothers privacy somehow.

But I now wish I'd done it.

I think you should consider this. Just in case you find yourself up against it in the future. Put concerns in writing, keep copies and consider taking photographs.

 

[KentJude]

Hello Elsie54, you certainly have cause for complaint. It's not unreasonable to expect basic standards of care for your mother.

Good for you voting with your feet and looking to move your mum.

It's our duty to complain about such things. If they're accepted as the norm, standards will never improve. Also it's doing a disservice to other residents especially those with no relatives to speak up for them.

All the best with your search.