Care home: Ideas for first socially distanced visit

[Mydarlingdaughter]

Hi,
After not seeing Mum since before lockdown I have decided to give the socially distanced visit a go.
In the past visits to Mum involved mostly show and tell, such as looking through clothes and toiletries I had brought her, looking at magazines or photos together, or singing to her, holding and stoking her hand and playing her favoourite tunes on my phone. At the start of the year she stopped responding to the photos, claiming she couldnt see them properly.
She is unable to have a conversation and she can no longer walk.
I am doing the visit outside and I need to book in advance.

So, I know I just need to respond to how she is on the day, but can anyone suggest activities which could be done at social distance with person who has gone beyond having a conversation?
I thought the music would still work, I could read a poem or news story, but I can't think of much else?
Would welcome ideas that have worked for you.
Thanks and hope you are all doing ok!

 

[MartinWL]

If you have the skills and equipment could you blow up a few photos to larger sizes and print them to show her?

 

[Grannie G]

Could you take your mum some flowers and your own container and arrange them for her from a distance @Mydarlingdaughter ? You could talk her through the flowers, spreading it out a bit while you are arranging them. Perhaps after sanitizing, the care home might allow them into the home.

Sorry It`s all I can think of. I haven`t experienced socially distanced visiting and can only imagine how difficult it would be.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Just being there is the main thing and what you do is a long way secondary to that. My wife and I can't have a conversation as anything I say has to be repeated and is met with a blank look. But I can still get her to smile by doing daft things such as wiggling my fingers, drumming on the table or getting her to follow what I do. Anything more in the way of activities just would not work for her. Even just sitting silently with her seems to help. That and not trying to correct anything that she says or think that any of it makes any more sense to her than it does to me. Saying again how nice the flowers are in the garden is another standby. My key advice would be to start small and not to worry about progressing beyond that unless you really hit on something that gets her attention. Reading a poem or news story might be alright depending upon her level of concentration but you might find that you are the only one listening.

 

[brambles]

i have found like @northumbrian_k just being there is about all most of can do.

My mum can only make out my outline. She can hardly hear me at the best of times but socially distanced and with masks on it is almost impossible.
However, she knows that I am there and sometimes she has plenty to say (mostly incomprehensible) sometimes not.
Often I come away feeling the brief 20 minutes I am allowed has been a waste of time but still I go.
I hope she feels some comfort in the fact that Iam there even if she forgets straight after that I have been.

I so long to give her a hug, hold her hand, take her to sit on the promenade (which she loves most in the world).
She is 95... this could be her last summer. It feels as though she is being punished forliving in a Care Home.

Sorry I haven't answered your question. I hope your visit goes well.

 

[lemonbalm]

I hope your visit goes well @Mydarlingdaughter . I still haven't tried an outdoor distanced one with my mum. The only thought I had was singing to your mum ... "Oh, I was playing some of our favourites tunes on the way here mum ..." . I remember singing the start of a song to my mum during a visit (soooo long ago) and she joined in and her face lit up. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Mydarlingdaughter]

I am grateful for all the suggestions.

I could have had a socially distanced visit outdoors a month or more ago, but I didnt think it would work.
But then when the nurse said she really didnt know how Mum would react, I thought, why not let Mum decide. The only way to do that is try it and see. She cant reason through a question like that anyomore but she always knows at the time of the event what she wants or doesnt want.
I was hoping for tomorrow afternoon but fully booked so it is now booked for Wednesday.

I have got some clothes she might want so I will take those and show her. Also the bunch of flowers, if they wil allow them.
I have a small blue tooth speaker so I will load a couple more of her favourite songs onto my phone and play them though the speaker. Even if she doesnt regognise me she will enjoy that. Im not going to sing because singinging is high hisk unfortunately.

 

[jennifer1967]

theres quite a good article in todays daily mirror that about visiting in care homes and the fact that the testing should have started in july but still not happening until september some btime to test residents and familys in care homes so they can visit properly. they are saying that more are dying of isolation and giving up rather than covid and residents asking why they have been abandoned by their families. you can now go to pub have a meal, go to work, schools gone back but visiting in care homes is still not happening

 

[Mydarlingdaughter]

I am grateful for all the suggestions.

I could have had a socially distanced visit outdoors a month or more ago, but I didnt think it would work.
But then when the nurse said she really didnt know how Mum would react, I thought, why not let Mum decide. The only way to do that is try it and see. She cant reason through a question like that anyomore but she always knows at the time of the event what she wants or doesnt want.
I was hoping for tomorrow afternoon but fully booked so it is now booked for Wednesday.

I have got some clothes she might want so I will take those and show her. Also the bunch of flowers, if they wil allow them.
I have a small blue tooth speaker so I will load a couple more of her favourite songs onto my phone and play them though the speaker. Even if she doesnt regognise me she will enjoy that. Im not going to sing because singinging is high hisk unfortunately.

I did the visit as planned, she sang along to her favourite song and was pleased with the clothes. I was surprised she didnt seem bothered about the mask or social distancing, the only thing she didnt like was it was windy and she said she felt cold and wanted to go back inside. At one point she becan to shout "Nurse! Nurse" because she said her back was hurting, but when I played another of her favourite songs she calmed down and did a "head dance" (nodding along to the tune) and seemed to forget about her back.
Fortunately she accepted it when I said we had to stay outside because there was a virus. When I told her there was a virus, as the care home had suggested this was ok to explain, she seemed surprised and curious, but not scared.
If anyone else has sucessfully done a socially distanced visit, please share how it went for you and how you interacted with your PWD. I created this topic to specifically discuss that and any ideas for activities are welcome.

 

[jb2]

If you have the skills and equipment could you blow up a few photos to larger sizes and print them to show her?

Hi Martin
I did this for my mum, got photos enlarged them as she is partially sighted, got photos of her favourite flowers and puppies, I put them all in a folder for her. I send in to her care home nearly weekly different photos to add to her folder.

I have not seen her since lock down, it is so difficult.

Junie