This is my first posting so hopefully it works.
To Phil, I am sorry for your loss, and as Bakersgirl said I also "hope you will be comforted by memories of happier times and of the love you shared". You looked after her for many years and I am sure that it was not easy.
To Bakersgirl, I am sorry for the guilt that you are experiencing but I am sure that you made the right decision. There just comes a point in time when we can no longer adequately care for our loved ones and we need to make the decision that you have made. In my case I have been looking after my wife for about 5 years now. She is confined to a wheel chair so that adds an extra challenge, along with the dementia. From time to time I will take her to a personal care home for respite and she doesn't understand why she can't stay at home and look after herself. She also asks if she can go home when I am there so I understand some of the guilt you are experiencing. And yes, I feel like I am abandoning her. All normal reactions.
You indicate that it is an excellent care home with kind and caring people so he is getting excellent care and you shouldn't feel guilty. It's just impossible for you to care for him any longer. Remember that you lovingly cared for him for four years or so, and you just can't anymore.
I know that in the next few year's I will also have to place my wife in a care home. I will miss her, feel guilty, but will know that it was the right choice.
Please take care and know that you
I have been caring for my husband at home for the past four years or so but found I couldn't go on any longer. I was close to breaking down, both physically and mentally. He has now gone into a care home, and I am overwhelmed by guilt. He doesn't accuse me of abandoning him, but doesn't understand why he can't come home or why we can't be together every day. The home is excellent, with kind and caring staff, but is several miles from me and, as I can no longer drive and there is no public transport in the area, I am dependent on friends to take me to see him. My friends are kind but I feel guilty about depending on them, as well as feeling guilty about " putting my husband away", as it were. I know he's better where he is, with skilled and kind staff to look after him, but being apart is breaking my heart and his, and I don't know where to turn for comfort. Any wisdom or advice from fellow sufferers would be so welcome. Bless you all.