1. grimsby28

    grimsby28 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2008
    31
    grimsby
    hi my mum going in care home tomorrow as my husband and i are struggling to cope with her and her dementia she has been with us for a year now and it gets harder by the day wonder how do i explain to her why she going in there can anyone give me some ideas as she does not think she is ill going in for two weeks on a trial see how she goes how do i tell her not told her yet and it is really worrying us
     
  2. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    I really cannot offer any advice, i moved my mum 2 weeks ago into a nursing home, i tried to explain that she was going into a new home where she would have company of people her own sort of age and that she would have 24/7 care, something that i could no longer maintain and that they would look after her, much better than i could, i am not sure if she understood but i was so scared that she would not settle in, she has been there 9 full days now and i am amazed how well she has settled down, she is talking more and even laughing, i just cannot beleive the change in her.

    Best of Luck with it all, i know how you must be feeling i really hope that you can find a way of telling her and that she understands it. Let us know how you get on.

    Laylabud
     
  3. grimsby28

    grimsby28 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2008
    31
    grimsby
    thankyou

    thanks for your reply am sure you are right she will settle but it seems such a big thing for me to do as i promised her i would not put her in a ch but i am not well myself my rhemutoid arthrites as never been as bad i am in constant pain in every joint so it does seem right time to put her in ch as they will come a time when me and my husband can not give her the care she needs as he has had 3 heart attacks in last 3 years so it is all addded strain on him but thanks for your support
     
  4. Laylabud

    Laylabud Registered User

    Sep 7, 2007
    111
    Kent
    I know where you are coming from, i promised my Mum that i would never put her into a home, but sadly i have had to do it and i feel as guilty as anything, but the question i keep asking myself how would i feel if whilst under my care anything else happened to her, like her having a fall or lighting the gas without any flame being lit, there are so many dangers in the home if even you think you have a hazzard free home,you cannot keep your eye on them 24/7.
    With your husband being unwell and your own problems you are doing the right thing for your Mum without a doubt. The guilt you feel about putting her in there i am not sure that will ever diminish, maybe in time it will but i cannot answer that as i still live with it everyday.
    With love and best wishes
    Laylabud.
    XXX

    P.S Please keep us updated on her progress
     
  5. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Please try not to beat yourself up. You are not failing your mum but supporting her in the only way which is open to you. You may have a bumpy ride ahead of you and the feelings of guilt will come time and time again, but please be assured that you have done the best possible thing you could do.

    Hopefully the home will be able to settle her in and you will be able to see that she is being well cared for. That's all we can ALL hope for who have found themselves as you have, between a rock and a hard place.

    XXTinaT
     

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