Care home dilemma

[Leswi]

After an initial good couple of weeks in care mum is now very miserable and wants to do back to her 'proper home'. Dad has not been happy the whole time mum has been there but as mum seemed OK initially I have been forcing the issue to keep her there because we had been really struggling to care for mum at home. Dad visits every day and the last few days have just been a continuous 'why can't I go back with you' type conversation. There is no way dad will keep away from the home, so not worth suggesting that. Today I did get dad to do a short visit only so I could try to cheer mum up which I have always managed before but got nowhere. Really tempted to take her back home now, but wonder if anybody else experienced this pattern and is it likely to improve?

 

[fizzie]

Just a quick thought - i see you are in Bedfordshire. There is some really good extra care housing around - this is where the person/couple have their own small flat and there is a care team on site providing both care and emergency care (via a call bell inside the flat). They have activities in the afternoons and often a lunch club as well. There is always help available - I know that in Luton and in North Hertfordshire you can get access to this housing by need so it doesn't matter if you own your own home (you obviously have to sell and pay the full rent but it is really good value and Luton in particular have some great housing sites. It might be an option I know several people where one or both of the partners have memory loss and it works really well - google your area with extra care housing or flexi housing if you think you might be interested. Good luck

 

[Leswi]

Hello Fizzie, we do know about these facilities. Mum and dad applied jointly for the new shared ownership in Dunstable but mums care needs were considered too high and they were turned down. That is what prompted trying mum in care. In the meantime dad has been told he can buy one of these new flats on his own as it is just across the road from mum in care. Real dilemma now about what to do if mum and dad are going to be so unhappy. We have got a buyer for mum and dad's current bungalow and don't know whether to proceed with plans or bring mum home which is what dad really wants. It is the nights that had become such a problem, we managed OK in the day.

 

[fizzie]

Have you looked into the cost of having a night carer 3 or 4 times a week, would that work? The social housing flexicare schemes (not the privately owned ones) I believe do not turn people down on those grounds unless they actually need nursing care. My understanding is that the private schemes are much more restrictive than the social housing. I know someone who has just got a flat for both parents - both have dementia in one of the schemes with the help of the GP and the social worker. Might be worth talking to the Council - I saw one the other day which had a mixture of flats and small bungalows (that one was in luton)

The difficult thing is that your Mum's needs will increase and then what you can manage now becomes much more difficult which is why the flexicare is so good because the team is on 24 hours 7 days.