Care home dilemas

[Kipster]

Canary is absolutely right, it is important your mum is near you so that you can visit. I too am an only child and had to make all the decisions, a year ago I moved my mother to a care home near me, a long distance from where she lived. Within two months it had become her new home, she loved it and she never mentions her old life. At the moment the whole concept of a care home is alien to you, and that takes getting used to. I used to have to steel myself for every visit in the first few months, but now it is as you say, the new normal. You're doing the right thing.

As for her friends, only one of them kept in touch. The others lost interest as soon as she left her flat, it was as if she no longer existed.

Hi Sirena many thanks for your reply and reassurance. My Mum has often complained of being lonely and also wants to go home when she’s actually at home so rationally I know it’s the right thing. Will let you know how we get on. Kind regards.

 

[canary]

My Mum has often complained of being lonely and also wants to go home when she’s actually at home

Yes, my mum did the same thing. She was also totally paranoid about the neighbours and her ex-cleaning lady
I have been told that this desire to "go home" is actually a desire to escape the confusions of dementia and go somewhere safe. I can only say that once mum had settled all this went. She thrived on the attention and getting regular meals and medication, she made friends there and there was always someone around, day and night, to reassure and direct her. The desire to go home went and only reappeared at the end of her life.

I do hope its the same for your mum.

 

[Spamar]

When I asked a friend about care homes, she simply said, the nearest. I didn’t quite do that, the nearest was just down the road and I thought he might decide to walk home., but the one he did go to was only a few minutes drive away. Until that is, the road was shut for several weeks for repairs! My friend is a SS person, by the way.

 

[Kipster]

Yes, my mum did the same thing. She was also totally paranoid about the neighbours and her ex-cleaning lady
I have been told that this desire to "go home" is actually a desire to escape the confusions of dementia and go somewhere safe. I can only say that once mum had settled all this went. She thrived on the attention and getting regular meals and medication, she made friends there and there was always someone around, day and night, to reassure and direct her. The desire to go home went and only reappeared at the end of her life.

I do hope its the same for your mum.

Thank you so much.

 

[Helly68]

Yes, distance to visit turned out to be the most important thing for us, once we were happy about how the home seemed on our visits. That, and the fact that we can visit whenever we want, are welcomed and when Mummy was able, we could take her out for a coffee.