Care home conversation

Amberlen

New member
Jan 6, 2020
1
0
We are coming to the point that we feel my father would be better cared for in a residential home. He does not believe he has dementia or that there is anything wrong. He is happy in his own home but it is becoming mor e difficult to keep him clean and safe with daily carers. How do I start to talk to him about leaving his home to go into residential care?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Amberlen

This is a difficult conversation to have and I know some members have avoided it by various means. Do you think your father would accept the need to go into a home? If he would it might be worth suggesting he goes in for “recuperation” or “a holiday” and try a couple of weeks respite to see how he gets on in the first place.

I admit I never had to face this conversation as my dad went to his carehome from hospital and never returned home. Other members have though and should be along soon to offer more ideas.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
Hi @Amberlen I am in much the same position except I am living with my dad at the moment as having carers in would not be sufficient for my dad he needs someone there more or less 24/7

Yes just like your dad, my dad thinks he is fine and looks after himself very well, He truly thinks that I just pop in now and then to see him.

I am getting to the stage where I cannot do this anymore but I still can not face actually putting dad in a care home. I suppose I am waiting for a major setback or something when it will become inevitable and dad will have to go into a care home.

Yes others will be along soon with more useful information.
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
Since my mother was adamant that she was fine, I never told her she was going into care. I brought her from British Columbia to my home outside of Toronto - that was a never-ending flight, believe me. She spent 4 days in my home, then was sectioned. She was in hospital for 2 weeks while my sister and I looked for a suitable retirement home. I brought her from the hospital to the home and never said anything. When it was time for her to move to a nursing home, we did the same thing. While my husband and a friend moved her clothing etc, I took Mum out for lunch then we \went to the new home. Had we had any discussion, it would have quickly got ugly. This way, poor Mum really wasn't sure what happened but as I was being very matter-of-fact about it, the transition was a little easier.
 

Donkeyshere

Registered User
May 25, 2016
530
0
outside UK
I am in the same boat we have the social worker coming next week to discuss care homes, not sure how we are going to put it to the MIL but I have a feeling its not going to go down too well. I'm hoping the social worker broaches it with her as he has seen her before and "handled" things quite well. Its not just the MIL but I've had to put it to the OH that its better not only for us but for her as we are not meeting her needs and I am beginning to feel resentful which is not helpful to any of us. So wish us luck this time next week we will see what happens. It will either be ok or awful - but sometimes we think the worst and it turns ok not so bad.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,685
0
We were lucky in that My Mum was still able to be reasoned with (a bit) before she went into a CH, but I agree with other posters, in most circumstances, better to make the arrangements and avoid discussion.
I know others have had success using the phrase "the GP/doctor/Psychiatrist has advised that you stay in this rehabilitation centre for a bit". In this way the decision is made by the clinician (supposedly) and many older people find this easier to accept. Mummy believed that she would "be staying until she got better" - it broke my heart but I never refuted this and she quickly forgot all but the most immediate things anyway.
Mummy never understood why she had to move to a CH, she simply didn't have any insight into her own (or indeed anyones) behaviour at that point so I was firmly positive about the fact that it was what we were going to do. Before my father completely collapsed from the stress of caring.
Once we made the move, she settled in very well. I hope this process goes as well as it can for you.