Care Home Conundrum

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Ducky601, Oct 3, 2018.

  1. Ducky601

    Ducky601 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2018
    My 92 year old MIL with Alzheimer’s has been in her current care home for 7+ years. Her husband (her Deputy) sadly died last year. She has 3 children & currently there is no Deputy (an ongoing saga). Her daughter (my SIL) has suddenly decided that she wants to move her mother to a different care home as she doesn’t want to make the 30 min journey to visit. We live 100 miles away but not at all happy for lots of reasons that she wants to do this. She actually tried to move her mother a few months ago without telling my husband....this obviously couldn’t happen. My husband now has been invited to attend a ‘Best Interests Meeting’. While he can make his feelings known whether in person or via a telephone call (relations are zilch with his sister), our family are pretty upset that the sister wants to uproot her mother at this stage in her life. The current care home is good, my MIL is very much adored by the staff who have been so kind & how can you gauge how a potential move could affect her? I would add that my SIL never once visited her mother in the care home prior to her fathers death.
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hi @Ducky601
    from what you describe, the onus will be on her daughter to prove that your mother-in-law's welfare will be better provided for by moving her
    everything you have written would appear to counteract that so make sure you let them know all this at the meeting - might you produce a set of bullet points with these and other reasons to show your MIL's needs are being well met by her current home and send them beforehand to anyone you know will be involved eg the home's manager, so that thay are available at the meeting - include that the daughter did not visit previously as no doubt her main argument will be that her mother is being deprived of family contact (though a 30 min drive is hardly a long journey unless her daughter has some disability which makes it difficult for her) and that she previously tried to move her mother without contacting other family members and without LPA she has no legal right to do that
  3. Ducky601

    Ducky601 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2018
    Thank you so much for your input which is greatly appreciated. I will be helping my husband with this. My daughters both went recently and shocked to find their grandma hadn’t got proper clothing or soap, toothbrush, shampoo etc (the sister said she was ‘taking care’ of everything and was paying the personal allowance) - No she has not. The care staff gave us a list for things needed which was fine and parcels sent and nice new clothing etc. If only the sister af told us what was needed before, my husband has now rectified this & money in his mom’s account for hair cuts/podiatrist etc. She says she visits every 2-3 weeks (she doesn’t, the signing-in book was checked in 2/9). She visited on 8/8/18 we do know and yesterday - that’s not every 2-3 weeks!!! Anyway, thanks for listening & I feel better armed now

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