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Care home closing - family disagreements

Yinyang

New member
Jan 20, 2020
7
Hello all. The care home where my Mum & Dad are is closing on 1st April. My sister wants to move mum & Dad to a nearby home where an in law of hers is the manager. She just assumes it's a done deal. I'm not against this home but have found another home which I think we should at least look at. My sister isn't interested. She isn't even bothering to look at the home she wants to move them to as she says it's the same as where they are now and let's call her Susan (in law) is the manager there. I feel angry that Mum & Dad are being moved without any real thought about what's best for them. We both have LPA but only for finances. I'm not sure I've got the energy to fight her. We have had a lot of disagreements in the past. Sister has a husband and 2 grown up children so I feel it's 4 against 1. She seems totally lacking in any sort of compassion. I was absolutely raging last night after talking to sister on the phone.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,677
South coast
Why dont you go round and check out the 2 care homes yourself?
If they are both much of a muchness and would be able to meet your parents needs then, for family peace's sake you might want to just accept the care home your sister is advocating. It will at least put your mind at rest and if you have serious doubts then you will have concrete reasons for objecting..
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
19,934
North Manchester
Elsewhere you said that the closing home and the one preferred by your sister are in the same group?
I would be looking into why the home is closing, is the group in financial difficulties, are they in administration?
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,219
Why dont you go round and check out the 2 care homes yourself?
If they are both much of a muchness and would be able to meet your parents needs then, for family peace's sake you might want to just accept the care home your sister is advocating. It will at least put your mind at rest and if you have serious doubts then you will have concrete reasons for objecting..
Best advice!
If it all goes wrong, then you can say "I told you the other was better."

Bod
 

Yinyang

New member
Jan 20, 2020
7
Thank you all for your replies. The current home is closing as the Trust who run the home are knocking it down to build a new place. The home my sister is proposing is run by the same Trust.

Just back from looking at the home I found and sister's option. My option is lovely. Rooms have a lounge, kitchen and bathroom. Got a warm welcome when I arrived.
Sister's option is ok. Rooms smaller and not many en suite. Manager (sister's in law) was welcoming and listened. Spent 2 hours with her.
I think what gets me is the complete lack of any discussion with my sister. She's a closed book. I feel I don't have a voice much like Mum & Dad.
 

Yinyang

New member
Jan 20, 2020
7
Both new homes are more. My sister's option is less than mine. Mine is approx £100 more.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
19,934
North Manchester
You said both of you had LPA for finance. you did not say joint or joint and several.
Whichever, you have a legal duty to act in their best financial interests.
Depending on situation this could mean a placement meeting their care requirements rather than exceeding them
You need to talk to your sister.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,017
Would your parents make use of their own lounge and kitchen? I looked at a home like that for mum when she was much less far down the dementia road than she is now. At the time it would have been nice for her, but now she would just get in a muddle. My mother's home sometimes re-organises rooms so that a couple can have a bedroom for them both and a living room, would that be possible at the sister-in-law's home.
I hope you and your sister can resolve your differences amicably.
 

Yinyang

New member
Jan 20, 2020
7
My sister and I have joint and several LPA . I'm very concious of our responsibilities over Mum & Dad's finances. I have tried in the past to talk things over with her about many situations where we have different views but she puts a brick wall up. I just want to have a conversation and be heard. I think Mum & Dad would use the lounge in the flat in the evenings and maybe the kitchen in the mornings. Unfortunately time is of the essence here as with the home closing there are a lot of residents needing to find a new home. Mum doesn't have capacity to make a decision and Dad's is variable. Ideally I would like to involve Dad more but that's not really an option.
 

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