Care Home closed to visitors.l

[TriciaBee]

My husband has been in the Care Home for 15 months.
In that time I have hardly missed a day of visiting him.
The Home is now totally closed to all visitors . I am devastated. I feel that if this goes on for 3 months or more he will no longer know me.
I ring the home every day to send him my love and ask how he is. They say he is ‘quite settled ‘
I wonder what will happen if the virus actually gets in to the Home. I am afraid that I may never see him again.

 

[Palerider]

My husband has been in the Care Home for 15 months.
In that time I have hardly missed a day of visiting him.
The Home is now totally closed to all visitors . I am devastated. I feel that if this goes on for 3 months or more he will no longer know me.
I ring the home every day to send him my love and ask how he is. They say he is ‘quite settled ‘
I wonder what will happen if the virus actually gets in to the Home. I am afraid that I may never see him again.

I think many of us feel the same way. Mums care home stopped all visitors a week ago, but I made my last visit before that under the circumstances. I did ask about if mum deteriorates and they said they would allow visiting in those circumstances -which is a relief, but not ideal. I dread to think what would happen if this virus got into mums care home as so many are vulnerable residents.

 

[Brumsteve]

Many of us are in the same situation. My Mom's care home locked down last Monday and I made the decision not to visit her on my usual Sunday as I work with the general public and didn't want to risk taking it in. Who knows when we will be able to visit our loved ones next but they are probably in the best place possible at the moment as we know they won't want for any food or toilet rolls! (Hopefully) If your husband's home is as good as my mother's they will contact you should anything happen.

 

[Suzy C]

My husband has been in the Care Home for 15 months.
In that time I have hardly missed a day of visiting him.
The Home is now totally closed to all visitors . I am devastated. I feel that if this goes on for 3 months or more he will no longer know me.
I ring the home every day to send him my love and ask how he is. They say he is ‘quite settled ‘
I wonder what will happen if the virus actually gets in to the Home. I am afraid that I may never see him again.

I know exactly how you feel i am distraught that my husband's care home has closed. He has been there for 6 months and was always so relieved each time he saw me. I too ring each day but it is not the same and he just keeps asking when I'm going, it is hearbbreaking. I have fears that i will never see him again too and that he will die alone. I also believe he won't know me if he makes it through. I did think about bringing him home but also know that within a week or two i would not be able to cope and then he couldn't go back. Also entertaining him at home since we can't go out would be a nightmare. Whichever way we go we cannot win. I am worried he will get depressed and also that the staff will not move him much so if we make it through he will be chairbound. All i can do is write to him every couple of days to let him know i haven't forgotten him and try to explain why i can't get there. I guess it doesn't matter if you write the same thing each time he won't remember the previous letter. Good luck to us all.

 

[lincs lad]

Closed home today for visitors I am bad enough now cannot see wife what is the point of carrying on? There is no life, never been so low ??

 

[Baker17]

I finally managed to speak to my OH’s home today as there has been no contact from them since Tuesday, which I am not happy about considering what they told me. Luckily the member of staff I spoke to was honest with me saying that my OH wouldn’t co-operate with personal care was violent with staff and they are struggling to get them to eat. Ever since they went to the home they have been challenging and the CHESS team were becoming involved again but the home was shut before they could get in to do a reassessment. In the usual run of events I go three times a week and do personal care, sit with OH while they eat and this is working OK but the clinical lead of the CHESS wants things sorted so as I can have some quality time with my husband. I was so upset to hear what was happening so I have asked if I can go in once a week to do personal care as the lack of it is leading to skin problems I will also speak to the CHESS team tomorrow.
I realise that these are unusual times but surely the care of the residents must be continued correctly and they should be keeping relatives informed, it’s bad enough that visiting can’t be allowed.
I might add that my OH was difficult in the last place they were in but this home assessed them and said ‘ they could meet all their needs’ to coin a phrase.
Sorry to go on but I’m so stressed and upset and not knowing how long this will go on is unbearable.

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Sadly my OH died seven weeks ago so I am not now in the same situation as you all are but I do remember when OH's care home was closed to visitors for about three weeks last year. Just like you, I was devastated not being able to see him every day and dreading the possibility that I may never see him again so I can identify with the way you feel.

Suzy has mentioned writing and I think that's a good idea. If you can manage to buy postcards, perhaps send one every few days - they can be displayed as a reminder that you are thinking of him/her - also providing a talking point for staff.

Please, please remember that your loved one is receiving the best possible care in a safe environment and the most worthwhile thing you can do for them justnow is to be careful to look after your own health and, please God, get back to visit as soon as possible.

Also keep posting x

Sorry Baker - I posted almost at the same time as you x

 

[Baker17]

Sadly my OH died seven weeks ago so I am not now in the same situation as you all are but I do remember when OH's care home was closed to visitors for about three weeks last year. Just like you, I was devastated not being able to see him every day and dreading the possibility that I may never see him again so I can identify with the way you feel.

Suzy has mentioned writing and I think that's a good idea. If you can manage to buy postcards, perhaps send one every few days - they can be displayed as a reminder that you are thinking of him/her - also providing a talking point for staff.

Please, please remember that your loved one is receiving the best possible care in a safe environment and the most worthwhile thing you can do for them justnow is to be careful to look after your own health and, please God, get back to visit as soon as possible.

Also keep posting x

Sorry Baker - I posted almost at the same time as you x

No problem take care of yourself x

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Thanks Baker

Sorry that you are in such a worrying situation which is much worse due to not being able to visit your OH. I would hope the home could arrange for you to come in to carry out personal care is they are unable to get your OH to co-operate. I do not know what CHESS is but hope they help towards a solution.

You are right, not knowing how long this situation will last makes life unbearably stressful. x

 

[Baker17]

Thanks Baker

Sorry that you are in such a worrying situation which is much worse due to not being able to visit your OH. I would hope the home could arrange for you to come in to carry out personal care is they are unable to get your OH to co-operate. I do not know what CHESS is but hope they help towards a solution.

You are right, not knowing how long this situation will last makes life unbearably stressful. x

Thanks for replying CHESS is part of the memory matters clinic who go into homes when they are having difficulties dealing with residents and educate and help staff with ways they can deal with the issues. They also do specialist training for staff who look after dementia/Alzheimer’s residents. My experience of the team where I live has been excellent, I will speak to them in the morning, thank you again x