Dear All It's been ages since I've posted; been trying (succesfully) to keep busy. Dad, now aged 54, went into a nursing home last month (3 years since he was diagnosed). Went through a whole range of emotions before convincing myself that it was a positive step. Unfortunately, I have found out that he isn't settled there, and wants to go 'home', which we know he can't. He's still aware enough to know what's going on, but too affected to live alone any longer. It breaks my heart and reduces me to tears every time I think about my Dad in a nursing home. I know it takes time to settle, and that given time things will probably be ok, but I really can't face going to visit. I live several hours away and know perfectly well that I need to go, that time is ticking away and sometime soon he may not (or rather will not) know who I am any more. But it doesn't change the fact that I really dread going there. I can picture his haunted face looking so embarrased at his situation (as I know he will be) and I simply can't face it. I recently met 2 kind ladies who were in the same situation 10 years ago and I asked them if it gets any easier. They said no. I feel like I've been grieving for the past 3 years, and on it goes, each new hurdle making the hurt even more painful. I guess the hardest thing is forcing myself to go and visit someone who is only a fraction of the person that I know and love, and forcing myself to act happy to see him, when really I want to scream that my Dad is gone, and no matter how much people say you have to learn to love the new person it's just too hard to do. I WILL go and visit, but not this week.................. Thinking of you all, cos I know how damn hard it is. Love, Kate x.