1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Sianey

    Sianey Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    Don't know why I'm posting really, I suppose people will understand the guilt on here.

    I couldn't visit Mam the other week for ten days as visitors weren't allowed due to a vomiting and diarrhoea bug (when I did go Mam thought I'd been on holiday:) now I have laryngitis and couldn't breath for two nights so I can't visit Mam till at least Sunday

    I have rang the home to please let her know that the woman who brings chocolates is poorly but I feel so guilty about not visiting but I do right don't I not running the risk if she couldn't breath she wouldn't understand either.

    I think I just miss going really it has become part of routine going, seeing her and sorting her wardrobe out for her.

    Winge over.

  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Sorry to hear you're not well. I hope you're better soon.
    You're doing the right thing not only for Mum ,but the other residents and staff too by not visiting for a short while, also I am sure it will help you recover swifter too.
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Oh Sianey, I know just what you mean - dad's care home had the bug pretty soon after he moved in so I couldn't visit for a over a week (I really didn't want to risk any chance of making the situation worse) it was hard to stay away but we both survived and he didn't get the bug.
    It's a worry, but you know she is looked after and you must see to your health. I wholly agree with you protecting her from the risk of catching anything - along with the other residents.
    We get set in our routines, don't we - and of course you miss your visiting. Maybe make/do something for her while you are away so you have a little gift to take in when you are recovered.
    Get well!
  4. looviloo

    looviloo Registered User

    May 3, 2015
    Hi Sianey, I totally understand how you feel, and it must be frustrating for you... along with the guilt. But remember that how your mum deals with this is different to how you deal with it. You said that she thought you'd been on holiday last time, so presumably she was 'ok' about it, having imagined a scenario that she was happy with. So perhaps she'll do the same this time?

    You really shouldn't feel any guilt, it's out of your control. But I know that's easier said than done ;-)
  5. Sianey

    Sianey Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015

    not been able at the beginning to visit is horrible and must of added to your worries, I wouldn't of like that either.

    Thanks for your support. I think when the home closed for illness it decided it for me and so if I'm honest it was a break from going and hadn't realised how stressed I was visiting so much and I did enjoy the break, Mam keeps emptying her wardrobe of clothes in a pile:confused: every time I go.

    I miss some of the other residents though as well as they recognise us don't they when we go.

    I think it's me who misses Mam and I don't think she thinks I'm ill just on a holiday all the time, I really don't have holidays but she's obsessed with day trips to Venice and getting stuck on a coach:confused:

    I think its the fact I can't get used to the fact shes unable to do what she wants anymore by that I mean garden and potter about like she used to and I feel guilty I can and she can't.

  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Youve got absolutely nothing to feel guilty about - knock that guilt monster off your shoulder and stop it whispering in your ear!
    I expect that feeling poorly is making you feel low too.
    How about sending her some post cards that she can read (or carers can read to her) while you cant visit?
  7. Sianey

    Sianey Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    Thank you. I bought Mam a box of Milk Tray for when I go Sunday. I rang the home today at tea they said they've put on the board why I can't visit so the girls at the home all know but they said yesterday when they explained to Mam Why I wasn't coming she was very confused as to who I was and didn't understand she has a daughter:( something I'm sure loads on here have the same thing happening to them I know it's still upsetting though.

  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    I understand how you feel. He feel more settled in yourself if you see your Mam with your own eyes. You know she is settled but you have done tge right thing. Its hard and i feel for you as i feel exactly the same. Hope your better soon.

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