Hello - I'm new to TPF. My husband has had vascular dementia and Alzheimers for about eight years and has needed my constant care for the last three. This was exhausting but I managed it until he started to refuse my help and at the same time stopped taking his medication so I had to hide it in food and then worried that he might not eat it all. He became incontinent and would wear the same clothes day and night for days on end and he became aggressive if I tried to help him change them. He refused to leave the house and became very destructive so I couldn't leave him alone. I tried getting carers in but he wouldn't let them help him either. I'd been thinking I could manage to care for him alone for another few years but in the end I took the doctor's advice and found a CH for him. I just feel so bad about leaving him for other people to care for him. He's always been a gentle and considerate man and I can't help thinking that he would have tried harder if the roles were reversed. We've been married over fifty years and now I just ache to have him here with me. I visit him almost every day and sometimes he seems to recognise me for a moment but most of the time he's either asleep or sits with his eyes closed. The CH has lots of activities but he doesn't take part. The doctor says he thinks he's having lots of TIA's. He can't communicate and he doesn't understand what people say to him. He has hallucinations and his vision is poor and all I want to do is to hold him and comfort him. I know I've been losing him for a long time but this seems like a huge step away. I feel as if I've lost my husband but he's still partly living. I've certainly lost my life-time companion and it's so painful. All my friends think I must be so relieved to have him cared for but when I'm alone I just can't stop crying. I can't explain to them how I feel. Sorry this is so long and muddled - just feeling really sorry for him and for myself.